2023 recap

Writing this on 18th March. Somehow totally forgot about this. Wished I written in on the end of December or early January. Cause my answer now might not reflect the actual memories and situation-ship at that moment of life. Oh well.. Bismillah.

January: Pekan-graphy.

February: Viets with parents.

March: National pharmacy sports day.

April: Mak lang's death.

May: Ipoh's weds, CCM oncall month.

June: Siblings day out at PBAKL.

July: Eid at Terengganu

August: Sister's sabahs + first actual election vote.

September: Ke korea ke kita.

October: Processing korea + volunteering month.

November: A mistake but it's okay + jerantut trip.

December: Family trip to Hatyai (my money Alhamdulillah). 

1. Name three words that best describe my 2023.

Travel, growth, 180 degree.

2. Biggest lesson you've learned this year.
Sometimes it's okay to just try (even that byk bergaduh dgn diri haha. Punya la nak tak nak), so when the times comes you have no regrets not trying. Niat lillah, with rewards In Shaa Allah.

3. Biggest change I did this year.
Putting in much effort in someone. Specifically that not reciprocal back. 

4. Best decision I made this year.

All trip decisionss. Ahh. Best gila.

5. Best single achievement I made this year.
Belanja family pergi Hatyai.

6. Who helped you get through 2023.
I know every year my answer is Allah. But if a specific human, thanks coach AK cause somehow your classes always knock my head into reality again.

7. Which worry was unnecessary this year?

How close I am to 30 unmarried (I guess i had this worry around August to November).

8. How did you grow emotionally this year?
As I open up a lot of wounds, discover yet again my desired to have that maternal relation I never had, how dislike and careful I am to attachment, I proud of how emotionally accepting I am to accept and welcome my emotions while unveiling whats behind.

9. Happiest moment of 2023.
I remember a picture of my sister and I, smiling in the sun at Sabah. So perhaps that is one of those moments.

10. Saddest moment of 2023.

Other than crying quite a few days during the March-May taaruf session, I remember a quite long cry to work in November because as I thought of how my heart is somehow open. 

Anyhow, Alhamdulillah for another year.

TGiaH

27.

1. Writing this throughout the day.

2. Half awake at 5 ish, made a doa thinking it's tahajud time but already subuh in thailand.

3. Waking up with my sister beside.

4. Reminded of my birthday 10 minutes later.

5. Got a group call from ibu to wakeup at 5.42 & S is already in the bathroom.

6. Wishes from ibu & abah midnight last night. They stayed up. 

7. Brushing my teeth sharing the same bathroom mirror with my sis. Such girl vibes.

8. Everyone ready at 7.10am ish. Good job. 

9. Breakfast at hawker's style (cam ipoh). The porridge is yum. 

10. Helped ibu with atm at thai. Mae the saver.

11. 7e here got pharmacy. Wahh.

12. Cp burger patties.

13. Taro fries, guylian chocolete, pink bali oranges. 

14. Warm wishes & hugs from aunty & uncle (my father's friend). 

15. Sister's childhood dress. Everyone remembers it. 

16. Picture with elephants + supporting person. 

17. Central mosque songkhla like taj mahal.

18. Coffee at the amazon.

19. Young ceo. 

20. Boat ride to island.

21. Navy boats. 

22. Hill with songkhla island view.

23. Exploring around an old fortress/temple.

24. Floating market funn.

25. Full buffett at 290baht/pax. 

26. Passing Le Garden. 

27. Iron my clothes for tomorrow the night before.

Keeping my cool. Feeling I want my birthday to be private with just close family. Less people knowing, better. Having to spent my whole birthday with them, good & healthy. No big fights. All was well. Alhamdulillah. Thank you, Allah.

Ending this with heavy rain. Dua. 

Happy 27, S. 

TGiaH

Hi! After 10 years.

Sunday. Today I met my high school desk-mate after 10 years. Allah. Has it really been that long since school? Wedding are the best reunion places I guess. Haha. It's quite intriguing thinking how Allah put us three in my car, and I'm driving. I had fun today. It's a spicy refreshing way I guess meeting them. Just I realized I'm at a different stage of life where I wanna focus on soul searching myself & my purpose, and if Allah wills one day I met my soul in our best state. With pure correct best intentions, values & end goals.

I didn't notice I've been spacing out kinda lost in my thoughts as those two talk. Hehe. I need my introvert intraspective reflection time to recharge. Our tests are different & unique. Their stories are not entirely focus on this life struggles yet I'm grateful I am chosen for a different test. Detachment. Being comfortable in my own skin. Loving myself sincerely as Allah wants.

My friends' child ahh so kiut. Hehe. Somehow I felt that kid had a liking for me. You have good taste kid. Ahh. It's so fun mini-playing with him. Alhamdulillah.

My friend, the bride. She's one who told she doesn't want to be married during school yet here she is. Allah's plan. If Allah wanna make it happen, even moving the two oceans, two person will met. Nothing Allah hasn't dictate outside His plan. No coincidental I met the people in my life at specific points of my life. Allah's plan, Allah's reasoning.

That one quiet girl who got married. Yes, she put in effort first. Yet then, both did afterwards. No escape it's Allah best destiny for her. So no need to be jealous Allah wrote my love story as well as death. Death is certain, so do jodoh. His Writings.

Yesterday, had locum. This week, first screening ump. It went well, not many parcels to prepare, hence why. Kinda terrified of a oppurtunistic coworker & training for RVD next year. Guess I can't finish my jodoh klasses. It's not possible to do all. I have so little time. And next week, a smooth sailing holiday. In Shaa Allah, Aamiin.

The talk,

TGiaH 

Pressed the delete button

I ddeleted. I deleted all the contacts related to him on Friday evening on the way to locum. I cried for 20 minutes. It's just I need to let go, which I never properly did. If Allah wanted, we'll meet again. Just as my initial belief when he said he didn't want to continue the taaruf. I was immensely relief at that time. 

Now, just getting my head, heart & faith right. Even though of unfollowing his sisters in laws account. Up to that extent. Just I didn't & I hope that part doesn't back lash me one day.

It all started from nothing, now it ends with nothing. The experiences always gonna taught me. I know I need to do a speak recording of everything that happen this year. This year evolves around him. 

I'm gonna forget, don't know if the day comes when I remember but now let's just forget. Giving my head the mental space to no longer think of him. Instead think of me & my real problems. My parents health & safety, my siblings dreams. We all are struggling. It's not worth of a stranger to take up my mind. 

Of course, I kinda like myself in june. Strong hearted, firm. August I fell due to intense feeling towards his mother. November, without realizing repeating my taaruf. I notice there is a lack of distinction phase contributing why. Now, I decide just call it quits. Allah knows better.

This week, I guess been a little all over the place. I feel myself tired. Just worried if this is actually laziness. Despite that, managing a few things done like cleaning + going to online class, is a good energizer. Got my car serviced too on wednesday.

2 days at home this week. I know time is precious. Being at home is also precious as much as going out. I realised I have not much friends when I remember about QM. Haha. The light at the tunnel. Not sure if it's the end or just a new tunnel. 

Noticed my locum's salary was wrong this week. Haha. Also, got my bro a side job for a day. Alhamdulillah big big gratitude for able to become a way for him to earn money in a thing he is good. Writing.

Okay, I still need to work out a bit + shampoo my hair + clean my bathroom. 

Rearranging my life,

TGiaH

A grand dinner with workmates.

Had the full day in house today, my first full off day since a while. This week been like stomachache + flu + fever on off. Glad I decided to take an mc on Tuesday. This week I also made a bad decision of telling his sis I like him. Well I do now sorta like don't like him. Like just now I like that I have a archi friend but I dislike the fact he's doesn't put much effort on being friends with me. Hmm. More of terbiasa but not like like him. And dealing with low self-esteem + low mood for the past November is not fun. 

I also made a brave last minute decision to be honest I don't really feel of getting to know anyone. Just maintaining friends is okay. It was kinda difficult cause I do feel oblige to make other person happy. It's just at first I really was interested to getting know him. Now, I don't feel it's the best decision. I really need to work on myself.

Also, I decided I need to move on. Haha. This is a middle size move on. Just I need to be really strict on detaching myself. Liking someone (on having him as a friend on top) doesn't have to mean attachment. I can like but detach. Giving it all to Allah.

Hence, as kinda like a journal/penguat semangat, I started a insta-write account. Total anon there In Shaa Allah. Still I kinda hope it's gonna blow up into something + give benefit to others. Anyhow, I need to be strong.

I put on a brave face & wore shawl & makeup to PKD's dinner. Haha. I look so nice. Alhamdulillah. Enjoyed my time a bit, now I have to go maghrib.

Bismillah to progress,

TGiaH

Meeting up after 9 years.

Writing this, ahh me. Today's sunday. Time flies so fast. Today meeting with my cousin's newborn. Ahh. How is that such a small thing can give out so much joy? My heart just melt with admiration. Then, a meet up with my high school friend sooo funn. Alhamdulillah. 

Yesterday, a lazy morning. Plus, locum. After a whilee. Ooo. I met up with F, got half day. Y growing up so fasttt. Such a good boy. 

This week, being a productive seconder until the next. Huhu.

Just wanna lay my head in bed,

TGiaH

Jerantut + Kuantan trip, a first at budget hotel

So the weekend, straight after friday lunch call (there were delays), my family went to Jerantut. Btw, I'm writing this at friday morning. Haha. Last week's blog a little late since the travel. Ahh. Idk why sleep been my best friend this past month. 

Jerantut was nice. Got a room of 4. Got some travel guidance on the food ahaha. So good. Adik S had a little surprise that all 4 of us are coming Gambang. So the car was super packed. That night got a litl house scare. There were 2 doors up & down (up was abandoned), turns out our house was underground. 

On the way back Go Bang, my family first there. It was niceee. Hehe. Overall, the trip was good. Not much gaduh2. Ahh the next month trip I pray run smoothly, enjoyably.

5.59am,

TGiaH

Green for tomorrow (watermelon)

 Hmm. I don't know I did the right thing or not. Kyaa. Lantak la. Haha. At least it's a good thing.

The weekend went to the south most tip of this benua. 2d1n johor trip. It was fun. Ibu wasn't upset which is nice. Just my pwn emotions are on roller coaster from others talk. Visited my adik at johor, a first in a while. I ask how his gf was. Acehh. That kid has a gf. Not fairr. Helloo. His big sis is major single. Haha. As long as he pandai jaga diri + plans for marriage, may Allah guide + give the best for him.

Just now my last counselling session. Of course hati tisu me criess all the wayy. But I feel better. Huhu. I need more sessions. I need more bedah my brain, feelings, heart everything. 

I couldn't go to my twinsies wedding. And saturday, the weddingss. My parent's friends, a famous ustaz & my childhood uk friend. Ahh. Lucky him.

Hmm. The template is a bit different. Hope it doesn't change my blog.

Okay la.

TGiaH

Adik's convocation day

Convocation season is heree. Yesterday was H's turn. Cause I had locum on Saturday (pm shift), so Sunday morning I decided to drove from Bangi to Melaka. Ahaha. My first time driving to (and forth from Melaka). 

To there, 1 hour. Back here 2 plus plus hours. Ahaha. Back here bringing back ibu & my adiks. Alhamdulillah, I bought everyone in one piece, safe & sound. H slept all the way, ibu & L almost all the way.

H's convocation was a bit of a struggle. Haha. A challenge with a whining kid of the heat, the robe, the suit and everything. He just hates the whole convocation. Gladly we did get some photos. Ahaha. Funny thing when the studio photo sesh, first was with the whole fam, second with parents, last just him alone. But he went out with us leaving just my parents during the second. Oh H. Haha. Seriously.

Today, I went to the dentist. Bloody scaling. Haha. Burning more money then I should this month I guess. And first time experiencing saunaa. Dead wet at the end. I feel less tight after the massage. Alhamdulillah ya Allah, for granting me so much money. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.

Over the weekend, somehow had a conversation with him. Ahaha. Oh well, just friends right.

Tomorrow's work until ninee thirty,

TGiaH

Let's go do facial on our day offff

Alhamdulillah took the day off today. But time flies so fast. Huhu. Last day of October ey. After not having a single day off from 16th to 30th, just so wanting to only curl up in bed watching dramas. But nehh. I did have a productive day. Oh shot. I need another 3k steps to reach 100k steps for bookdoc. Ahh. Forgot. Gonna do it after this. 

I guess October is volunteering month, I had a blast! Lovely new experiences, rekindling my lil helper inner child (I'm so proud of you, S). Despite it being a month of evil, criminal, devil of Ixxxel. Ahh. Palestine will be free. From the river to the sea. Aamiin. 

Had a full weekend working, 8+8, then tomorrow 8 until 10. I can do thiss. Oh bedd. The facial. Oooo. How I love it without the whiteheads. And the heavenly massage. I feel like I was on clouds. Alhamdulillah, thank you so much Allah for the rezqi I got to experience that. 

I diid a lil bowling too. Fun rush. Ahaha. 

3k, let's go.

TGiaH

Volunteeringg (World CP Day & Palestine)

I'm in a rush under 10 minutes, so haha. Slept at 8.40 yesterday, woke up at 5.40. Yikes. Hence, I'm writing this in the morning before work. So I took a break from writing last week. I remember the week I got back, I worked volunteered for cp day,

2nd locum,

3rd  work extended hours at clinic + volunteer for medical aid for Gaza.

I actually liked the volunteering experience, never fail to make me feel useful, and brings me joy of meeting amazing new people. I do hope for more chances like this. Thank you Allah.

In a rush,

TGiaH

5D5N in Korea From Malaysia (Part 5)

Writing this with red eyes. Not a fun way to start the blog.

Writing this the next day. At least I'm not crying. Haha. Let's get this done. Wuhuu.

29th September 2023

Checking out of our hotel. :( We went out at 8.40 if not mistaken as our bus to Everland was at 9.30am Myeongdong. As we left our luggage, we arrived at Myeongdong early. The driver spoke english and off we went to 1 & half hour to Everland. It was our last day, so I tried to soak in every view. When we arrived, took the 5 minutes shuttle bus then scan our qr codes at the gates. Everland look definitely magneficient. Just it was super packed. Huhu. Every ride we had to wait like 40 +minutes. It was so-so fun. I enjoyed the gun + 4d movie. Just not so much on the rides. Haha. Guess I'm not a theme-park kinda girl.

We arrived back at Myeongdong, ate our last dish at Kim Seri before they sold out. Our rezqi. Most of the shops were closed due to Chuseok (also the super packed Everland) but the night market was alive. After dinner, we went back to Chungmuro and picked up our bags. Arriving at Seoul station, it was confusing how to get to Arex. I think we passed the wrong gate. Haha. We managed to catch the last train (40 minutes away, I think). Then, arriving we sleep at the chairs at Incheon airport near the train area. They got power plugs. My friend was already sleepy so I stayed up for a bit before sleeping at 2. 

We walked to the airport at 3.30 (the check in gate opens at 4am). Haha. I explored the airport a bit before it was time. Checking in & everything, we were on our way home. Slept pretty much through the flight. Ahh. Home.

Maybe itinerary + budget?

TGiaH

5D5N in Korea From Malaysia (Part 4)

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. - Dory

28th September 2023

Day 4. Ahh. More than half way through the journeyy. Don't wanna leave korea. So today we planned to go to Everland via public transport. Set to go out by 9. Late cause of me & restroom. Then, when we arrived at Gangnam 2 buses passes are still no seat available! And buses to Everland were like 30 minutes apart. Huhu. Because the cab was too expensive and it was already midday we decided to go tomorrow. (Also, decide a little later we go using shuttle bus.) So today shopping day!

After a little walk to bus station (there were like 4 stations on the same road), we went to Dongdaemun. The complexes inside were closed. But outside was still hectic. It was the day before Chuseok btw. Hyundai duty free was open and wah Idk that the prices were in dollars. Haha. Found the cheapest mask of 25pcs for 10k krw at tony moly shop near the streets. Seriously I would go there again to buy. Then, to the art complex. The architecture was heavenly. Sort of places you wanna go skateboarding too. Unfortnately, the gallery was paid ticket so we didn't go in. 

Next, Namdaemun! Same complexes inside was closed. But the shops outsides were still open. Here's the places you get cheaper souvenirs. The socks on the outside store were the same prices with fewer options in compare to Myeondong subway shops. I boughts some brooches for my mom. Oooh. And here Namdaemun all cash kinda shops unlike Dongdaemun. Loved Namdaemun! 

Then, after we went back to our room to pray & eat, another last night out at Myeondong. Our mission? Busanjib & almonds! We've got Busanjib chicken (even this one I packed also with bap. Mianhae~). I would it was good. Got the mix snowy cheese + spicy. Busanjib in a narrower alley but it's just at the corner of Olive Young with the escalator. Also, I really want to go to Olive Young to spend a lil on myself. The one with escalator inside. Noticing, they don't have much options just specific brands. So if you trying to find something specific, it might be a search through all the stores.

We also did try to go to Lotte duty free store because we got vouchers from our tour of Nami island agent but closed. :( Then, after our nuts, we went to Daiso. It has 12 levels! The size of each floors are very small. The envelops were something people might wanna buy. I bought 2 notebooks for journaling (2k & 3k) & Avengers mousepads for my bros. It was 1k krw only each! Ahh. Alhamdulillah, they loved it. Hehe. Myeondong is still lit even before & also our last day too (Chuseok).

We've got back, packed, and for an early check out tomorrow!

Summary:

Dongdaemun - more modern, fashion & luxury stuff.

Namdaemun - souvenirs, acessories also fashion on streets.

Myeondong - beauty & food night market.

Shopping,

TGiaH

5D5N in Korea From Malaysia (Part 3)

Seven days has passed since I've came back from Korea. Despite the very productive day yesterday, today I'm just in hibernating mode. Uhuhu. I really need to get this going before my brain forgets.

27th September 2023

Today we had a pretty late start at 9 ish. I grab the chance to use the bath tube and ohh it helped my sore body (especially feet). We went to Starfield library. Such an insta worthy spot (do take one at the escalator!). It was wasn't too big but nice. I enjoy the mall too. Didn't know there's a halal turkish restaurant inside but good to know there is (we bump into it). And the book + stationary shop was fascinating. Got this sort of small 100+ pcs puzzle in a cube. 

We then went to Itaewon. On the bus ride there, it was getting full and as we were reaching our next stop, I offer my seat to an ahjumma. She was speaking to us about there are 2 stations are Itaewon and my brain kinda was too busy with thinking getting off the next stop. Searching for Eid restaurant, we passed right by it. Iteawon halal/arab/islamic street is interesting. It is a hill steep area so it was a walk even to Seoul mosque. I was a lil afraid we might trip. Eid topokki set was yummy. Alhamdulillah. Got this huge fist size tuna rice ball as well. I got full uickly so they packed the leftovers up for me.  Love the fish cake strips + kimchi + anchovies side dishes. I wish I'd gotten more kimchi. Haha. Reminded I really filled up my kimchi filling at Nami island. Seoul mosque had a seperate building for wudhu' and I'm actually curious about the main hall seeing it's glorious ball light. We just went to the muslimah area below.

We stopped by CU mart on our next stop + managed to buy t money cards for my family. The cashier at CU  understood my minimal korea so yeay. Alhamdulillah. We were supposed to go the National Museium of Korea. This is when, I realised more than the stops are a lil confusing. We were supposed to be at the other side of the road. And what me & my friend search really got jumbled up. Haha. At least we weren't too lost. After getting off the next stop, we eventually got on the right one. On the bright side, I multilanguage square spots on the floor. An interesting thing to notice in Itaewon. We didn't actually managed to visit the museum. Just the Hanguk one which was also fun. Most museums here are free so bonus much. I even said kiyowo-yo at an aegi. Haha. Sorry I was too excited for my poor Korean. The mother was surprised in a good way asking whether we spoke Korean which is no. Haha.

We rushed back to our room for maghrib. I think we really scored our accommodation cause it made solah + commuting easy. Alhamdulillah Allah ease it for us. Living in an islamic country where prayer places are easily accessible made me prayed that solat is easy in Korea. I can't really imagine praying in the streets or corner or stairs but Allah made it easy. For the night, we went to a Han river cruise. This was another star of the trip. We got the sunset river cruise (for 8.30pm). Though we missed the ticket booth, we managed to find it. Upon the cruise, inside was nothing. Up on the deck, Ma Shaa Allah was everything. I was never bored. The clean calm river, the night breeze, the colourful light, the magnificient bridges. I even got touchy with my thoughts and feelings here. Han river side was a definite picnic spot so it was a nice walk too.

Day 3, done!

TGiaH

5D5N in Korea From Malaysia (Part 2)

Guess who slept early then still wanna continue sleeping. Me. Aduh. Idk why I feel so sleepy & tired. Hence why I'm blogging at 6.09am in the morning. Let's see what 10 minutes can do.

26th September 2023

Today is Nami Island + Petite France day. We've got a tour bus as that was easier + cheaper than going on our own. Woke up early & arrived at the location 8.30am (we need to arrived at least 10 minutes before 9) as buses here are sharp on time. And know what? Who got the stomachache at 8.49am? Me. And not having the bidet system like in Malaysia certainly didn't help speed up the process. So yeah I was lagging the group behind at 9.01am. Ahh. I feel so bad. Especially for my friend. But Alhamdulillah at least my stomach was okay on the bus. 

We went to Petite France first. Though Petite France is famous actually it's connected to Italian Village (which I love more). I toured the whole place in a rush. Italian Village was on top so that's the first then Petite France. Italian Village had this whole Pinocchio then Da Vincci exhibition hall. Which 1 hour each to tour the whole place is not enough. Petite France landscape is also interesting (takes a shorter time to tour). Didn't know that I would love to tour this place (it wasn't on my list but yeah I loved it more than my friend. Haha.) We had to get on the bus by 12.30pm, so I thought it's good to get 12.25pm, 5 minutes before. Guess whose the last person to get on? Me. At 12.26pm. Argghh. Whyyy. Why everyone got on so early? Come on there's load to explore.

Time to go. Cont Nami island later.

Cont writing on Saturday morning, when I had to rush for volunteer. Geez.

So we arrived Nami island in around 40 minutes I think. I didn't know the region was famous for Dakgalbi and there were halal meat options (by booking) on the platform before getting on the island. Maybe next time. There were 3 options getting on, boat, speed boat & zipline (I think that is what's is called). The boat is 5 minutes journey but the interval is 30 minutes. So we got right on then, to Asian Restaurant for halal eateries. Got bulgogi and it was so so. Side dishes, water you can take it you self. It's kind self serving. You order & pickup yourself. The prayer room is behind the restaurant and so nice. They even have the toilets with external bidets. There's so many things to see at Nami island. The gorgeous pine tress, winter sonata, animals running around, the gardens, library. They even have a hotel there. Ahaha. We had 2 plus hours to explore and even we didn't cover everything. 

We arrived back at 6.40 ish, and headed to our hotel before heading back to Myeondong. It was aliveee at night. We did a bit of shopping at the underground shoplots at the subway station area (souvenirs are cheaper at Namdaemun. Just we were worried it might be closed so just be safe than sorry. Visited Olive Young, it was nicee. You get 10% immediate tax refund for total 30k won above. Just bring your passport. My friend stop by for some steamed guguma (it looked so delicious). Walked until the Myeondong theater (love the design) and bought some halal nuts. The big 180g ones are 5.9k, the small 30g ones where 30g. You can get a mix pack of 10 for 12k won I think.

So that's a wrap for Day 2.

Note: It was raining lightly but constant throughout the day. Lucky we bought our umbrellas & poncho. I ended giving up my umbrella to a Sabahan couple with their baby.

3 more days to go,

TGiaH

5D5N in Korea From Malaysia (Part 1)

Haha. I readily wrote part 1 but hopefully I finish writing everything tonight. I feel a bit down + disoriented but I'll try my best. Bismillah.

24th September 2023 (Sunday)

Finished packing the morning (just a tidbits in the afternoon). I discovered the pharmacy keys I forgotten yesterday + early goodbyes to my parents and other siblings too since they have the business meetings. Lucky my lil bro was home to send me off to the airport. Alhamdulillah saved a bit more money. We arrived around 6 ish for my flight around 10.30pm. I arrived a bit earlier than my friend, S. Excitedd. But also a lil like unbelievable we're gonna go to Korea & it's time. Thinking Allah choose me for the experience, Alhamdulillah so so grateful. After we checked in our luggage, the Batik Air worker said happy studying in Korea! Haha. That was something to remember. A bit of walking + prayer in the airport. It's a been a first in KLIA1 for me after so so long. Just knew the prayer room is like under an elevator. Then the hand carry stuff security check in is right before boarding unlike KLIA2. Haha. And funny incident, I left my phone in the toilet. Astagfirullah. I was too preoccupied with the thought of boarding + don't wanna make my friend wait (which has been very constant throughout the trip). Alhamdulillah, I noticed before boarding (had to reverse back the gates) + the cleaner was honest. Thank you so much Allah for the rezqi + protection, still 'berjodoh' with my phone. 

Ahh. I want to continue but I also need rest. Huhu.

23rd September 2023 (Monday)

Flying with Batik Air was a first to me. Loved loved the extra legroom. So putting the seats to the back a bit doesn't bother others (something I've been aware of in AirAsia) and I can 'lunjurkan' my legs under the seat of the person in front. So I kinda can sleep inclined. Of course, there's no tv. But an ungraded bit for a budget airline? Plus, for the ticket price. Alhamdulillah, this is so comfy. I've got the nasi lemak as my pre-planned meal. It was good aside the sambal was sweet it mix well with the rendang. The nasi is purrfect. But unlike AirAsia packaging this is a little empty designed. And the food, we got after 1 hour in? Yes! I was starvingg. There was turbulence almost all the way so the ride was a little loud. Ohh. And this is my first flight wearing ear plugs. Definitely helped me. Experienced less pressure pain. Alhamdulillah.

Arrived at 7am korea time. The first thing I noticed the airport restroom the mirror's are so well lit making us look flawless. Haha. There was a bit of a queuing at the immigration but the process was quick. They didn't ask for my k-eta or anything. Though I did print out everything up to the booking & itinerary just in case. The officer was polite & helpful too. I noticed my Yoodo didn't work huhu. So I opt for normal data roaming. 

Went out and hug abah before he goes to work & back here again at 10pm. I really wanna story but there's so little time before I forget everything.

After  that, we went thru declaration part, nothing to declare so okay. After we went thru the gate, much thru some bread. My friend helped bought bottled water at CU Mart + topup (30k krw) our free t-money we've got from kto booth (answer survey first). The bottled water is same everywhere I noticed. 1.3k krw. Then, we went to AREX. There's 2 station. The left one is the all-stop train (using t money card if I'm not mistaken), and AREX on the right (seperate ticket). My friend helped book ours thru klook so we've just need to scan at the ticket machine to redeem our ticket. The train was less than an hour to Seoul station + designated seats + free water bottle. The restroom was also nice. Upon arriving Seoul station, we need to scan out our ticket than scan our t money card before boarding the train. The subway system in Seoul is fairly easy I would say. Only a few stops away from Chungmuro. We left our bags at our hotel there. And most exits I noticed, there's no escalator or lift so carrying our luggage is a bit of muscle training. Also, Seoul tends to be on the 'berbukit' side so yeah. Alhamdulillah, for me while carrying my luggage, a namja tried to help me (despite I kindly refuse just to be safe). Jamshemanyo + other korean words I didn't understand. Thank you for your kindness.

At Oriens Hotel, leaving our luggage was easy + proper. Though we were a bit confused on the back entrance. 2 japanese girls (seem to be staying there) helped us. So thank you too! After that, we went to Gyeongbongjuk Palace. The pathway was so nice. And we kinda went to the National Museum (unplanned) but so nicee and freee. There was a bride hanbok special exhibition with so many nice postcards so yeay. After that, we went searching for hanbok. I asked my friend to cancel our hanbok reservation the week before our flight cause there's so many hanbok rental shops plus I don't want the hassle to find the shop. We've ours at 15k/day (no hours limit) plus matching with our hijabs. The staffs helped us with getting the hanboks and there's also lockers and bags. Acessories also included. Just the royal hanbok is a different price. Ahh. I loved my hanbok so muchh. Walking thru the palace. And the palace was hugee. Might wanna explore again one day. The performances was also interesting. Then, we got back at 3pm to check in + late Maggi lunch. 

After asar prayer, we went to Namsan Tower by bus. Drop off at the peak stop. Then, another 200m ish walk to the top. Namsan Tower also so nicee. Awe by the performance entrance then, outside it was this whole love platform + pagoda + 'lepak2 area'. Worth the ticket! We stayed until sunset (so maghrib at the corners there). Went to Myeondong had dinner at Kampungku. The food was okay, kind people just they had problem with the online ordering system so mine was late. Deciding to go back to the hotel as were too tired and that was day 1.

10.29pm,

TGiaH

A trip to Korea.

Ahh. A busy day since 7. Got back here yesterday then slept from 6ish to 7 ish. Super tired + lack of sleep at airport (sleep 1 hour at the airport) and 1 on the plane. There's so so many things I wanna story + tell. Hahaha. I talked the whole hour in the car about Korea to my abah. Poor abah. Haha. Miss you big time. I wish I had more time. I really wanna write tonight before forgetting everything. Just time really goes away fast when you're doing things. Huhu. 

A promise to myself to write tomorrow & the day after, wajib.

TGiaH

An attempt, a gathering, adapting.

Alhamdulillah. Idk I'm feeling really grateful that our conversation are smooth, I'm teary eyes. At least, he's talking. Despite his anxiety + disinterest, he's talking. More than what I question him. Keeping it minimal is the best. 

Yesterday, PTI. It was a good connection. A quality time spent with ibu. Adapting to work was a woah a bit this week. Almost spent this week at all four clinics. Almost. It's fun once in a while to be productive busy. Ahh. Tomorrow's gotta send ibu & friend to work, then workshop day.

Next weekend, south korea. My mind seems to be bits. Haha. Idk if I'm well prepared. Hope its a good good easy relax fun safe barakah musafir. Aamiin.

The ceiling fan was fixed. Alhamdulillah.

Not feeling like writing much (bed please),

TGiaH

Flower bath + farewell + upgrade

Friday was a big big farewell party at PKD. Bidding goodbyes. Kak F with her almost 9 years here. She went through a lot. A big new start for me and now I'm in charge. I really hope I do a good job. She was a good role model. It was quite touching she cried + was a bit close to me during the lunch. People come & go. This first week was fairly well. Praying the next upcoming weeks to go well too.

I took flower bath that evening. Think it's my first flower bath. It smells lovely. A kinda self love activity huh. Then, today abah bought flowers too. Tomorrow's last. In a way, I'm grateful for having good parents that actually try to help me. Marriage gonna come. I know it. With a good responsible person that gonna be my everlasting friend lillah. Online platform scares me. I hope I attract genuine real kind sincere people only. Aamiin. A  good practice I hope. In Shaa Allah.

Classes this week with coach AK was good. I have so much respect for his knowledge + passion. Hope what he passes down benefits me & hopefully find my jodoh. Aamiin.

2 weeks to go to korea. Ahh. I'm I ready?

More followers,

TGiaH

Deep cleaning + 10 traits

Independence day. Went horsemanship. Funnn. Didn't know S was coming. Then, deep cleaning parts of my room. Ahh. A blessing. 

Aqiqah day yesterday. Seeing all my cousin's with their spouses made me prayed a lot that I get the same rezqi. Aamiin. 

Another batchmate invitation hits me hard. My clock is ticking. I'm scared. I wanna be a mom. I wanna be a wife. I'm scared too. Hmm. 

Still, I'm lost. My life purpose. Looking at prof M's note. 10 traits that we would like in a spouse. Then, checked with ourselves. We would be getting a spouse close to that. 

I wished he was ready. I wished he was interested. I wished he was accepting. Hmm. Lots of doa.

My time will come,

TGiaH

Made My Day

A story of yesterday, a story to remember, a story of me. 

Yesterday morning we had our monthly assembly, an our prp gave the motivation talk before we ended. She talk about love (penyayang), among patients, colleague & ourselves. Piagam KKM. 

Patients, she saw an officer calms a patient down after receiving their meds. Mad respect. Huhu. Being sick is stressful. 

Colleague, she said there are times people bad days though they seem fine at times. An officer ask her while there was lot of pending patients & prescription, are you okay? She said there's a lot of screening. The officer said back, it's fine if screening is a lot, but are you yourself okay? (Or in Malay, screening banyak takpe, tapi awak sendiri okay?). She said that comforted her.

I was listening attentively, paying full focus to the story & felt full respect to that officer. Like wow. I have to be that person. Haha. I thought is was a senior chinese officer since she's chinese & close to chinese colleagues. Then, she said it was me in front of everyone. Instantly feel embarassed a bit but I totally didn't expect the person to be me. 

Alhamdulillah, I made someone's day as she has now made mine.

And I didn't hear the last point. Hope my seniors didn't judge me for saying a lot of pending work is fine. Haha.

A reminder that caring is not a bad trait all the time,

TGiaH

Attachment reflection.

Rewriting stuffs I wrote at the back of the queue cards. Or maybe I should just paste it in my journal. Hmm. 

Shifting my focus + what is my life purpose?

This week has been a tad bit difficult. I don't understand why my heart shifted to wanting him. Ahh. This is a test. A test of attachment. Countless of tears this week, whispering of Allah please help me. Cause I really really certain that is it's meant to be, Allah will move both hearts'. A test of patience. I have to wait this out. A test of logic. Do I really want that person or just the idea of him? Ahh. The difficult thing is that the recents online-online thingy, defers my hearts from other yet to him. Geez. What am I supposed to do? Except doa, praying I'm out of this trap. If I am to destined with someone better, I'm still opened to it. Just. Hmm. Yet, he treated me as he is uninterested + not ready. What am I supposed to do.

I want to help others. I know my life purpose is related to that. Just.. I don't know. 

Coach AK's class really help me rationalise, detaching as much as possible. Now, hmm. My ilah is Allah. Hopefully. Not him!

Another weekend full at home, just after this wedding stuff.

Help,

TGiaH

My first actual vote

Writing this at darussyifa'. Just a bit of a tiring day. Tok Terenggganu passed away today. I woke up this morning suddenly deleting all related text & numbers. Just I wanna make sure I really detached. No attachments please. Attachments (to humans) are ugly. Let go. Redha. Reading Aten's blog making me realised eventhough she looks okay, early marriage is not easy. Though I kinda knew + admired her for that. My time will come. At a blessed time, at a right time, with my peaceful partner. Top & utmost criteria, peace. No less.

Yesterday, out with my siblings. My first actual vote at an actual setting (my very first is post vote), my first stained finger. It was very quick. I must say. Very few in the line. At least now I know the process. Then a bowling tourny, eating kfry, shopping for H and to end, Family Mart's ice cream. Got the matchaa. Alhamdulillah. Obviously my money easily gone. But the satisfaction of being capable + actually sponsoring all my adiks is such a rezqi to be honest. So so so grateful for this it warms my soul. Thank you Allah, for such a rezqi. 

Then at night my niece (non-muslim Indian), it was an experience yet so heart warming. The kid is so calm & composed despite so so many photos need to be taken. And she's just 3! Such a smart kid. The chindians are so pretty ahh fangirl a bit. Reminding myself need to buy modest traditional clothes also learn Tamil. Huhu. 

Something I wrote for my instastory..

Teruntuk nenek.

Nenek.. Sungguh S akan kenang nenek, nenek layan macam cucu sendiri, nenek sayang macam cucu sendiri. Nenek baik sangat dengan S.

Last raya haji, rezeki S dapat sembang paling lama dengan nenek. Dengar kisah nasihat nenek, usap-usap jari jemari nenek. Minta nenek doakan S. Terubat hati S yang tengah berduka. Tentang jodoh juga ajal.

Buat semua nenek-nenek S, hati S rasa sayang & rindu. S titipkan doa moga pemergian ini diredhai, moga nenek ditempatkan di syurga firdaus, untuk setiap dari keturunan nenek sentiasa dalam amal, untuk suatu hari kita dipertemukan kembali di syurga.

Al-Fatihah buat nenek.

And this life is short,

TGiaH

Making that move.

Finally I took the initiative to start taaruf-ing process online. I know this is something I'm scared of so I have to do this. I may or may not find him thru there (plus my instinct are saying I'm gonna unexpectantly meet him offline when I caught off guard) but I know this gonna grow me as a person, learn new things, open me up & learn to guard & protect myself. 

I'm still undecided whether to get to know a bunch at once or one at a time. Anyway, here I am. Hope the MYR 240 for 6 months is worth it. I'm thinking of strictly replying on the platform from maghrib to isya'ish. (8-9) just so I don't lose focus on my own life (a girl has her life okai). I still have jodohklass to attend (yes, I signed for the masterklass). Let's hustle, S. Proud of myself for taking the step. 

Working for 3 days at my full time job yet today I'm on my part time one. Gonna be 10 days work marathon & next week is voting day. Hehe. And next month to koreaaa. May Allah protect always.

Okay. Gotta rush for work.

TGiaH

Breathing in Kundasang, Sabah

 Ahh. 24 hours hasn't passed by Kundasang & I miss it much. The air, the smell, the view. I felt my lungs expanding, my eyes cooling & my body is healing. Even it is just for 2 days, it will be miss a lot. Kundasang is so breathtakingg. It feel like overseas with Malaysian touch. New Zealand eh. Haha.

Today is rest day. Got back home at 3 in the morning. A speedy short trip, sister trip. Out at 3 am Sunday, catch the 6 am flight then 11 pm flight the next day back home. KLIA 2 was lit with shops. Arrived Kota Kinabalu at 9am (the view of the blue layers of the sea from up top). KK I must say was a mixture of KL plus area of Selangor. Got a bit of both. First upside down house, then the bridge (which both was quick for us). After that pasar nabalu (Mt Kinabalu viewww), the fish pond. Right then I know, we ere more of the nature, activity kind of girl. Feeding the koi fishes was a definite experience.

Staying in Mesilau. Living for the sunset & sunrise. Ahh. In love. The unplanned morning hike to Mesilau peak (RM5), which was Ma Shaa Allah loved it. Then Desa Farm, the highlight. Spent 2 hours there. 3 rounds of gelatos. Cow feeding. Just we didn't get to see the cow at the barn upclose + milking process. The mini photoshoot with sis. Haha. I think her photography (plus smiling) skills grew on this trip.. Rabbit farm. Huhu. Poor rabbits. Then Tannjung Aru Beach (another sunset!) + Todak Waterfront dinner (gerai 19).

Definitely spent a lot on this trip, especially covering my sister's flight & package. A rough total of RM1500 for that alone. Flight for 2 with luggage, RM 500. RM 1000 for the private tour. Was it worth it? Definitely. Haha. I don't know a thing of driving there. Just that I want to go to Desa Farm & a night there. 

I dodn't write much on the trip as I hoped or read. Just resting in the car was a big part too. 

Wishing I'm breathing from Kundasang's air again.

TGiaH

Quite a session + a healing day off.

Ants season is in. Just ants almost sparingly in my room. 

Last week has been hectic. Despite the muharram holiday. I'm grateful for taking the Monday off. I went on the bowling tournament. Always arriving there brings me a sense of excited but throughout until the end, I never fail to feel the tang of sadness. Surrounded my people that doesn't care the halal/haram, the compulsory lovingly 5 daily prayers, professionalism, negativity, and dunya-oriented. My heart always feel unsettling since the last time. I guess bowling is fun just not the environment around it.

Wedsnesday was muharram. First day of a new Hijri. I went out for a coffee meet up session with coach. Kid you not I was hella nervous. My expectation >> just let me survive this. I didn't even notice my anxiousness until coach pointed out. I noticed I was feeling nervous and scared. My fingers was shaking. Like this person gonna make my brain naked which is boom. The session was overall nice, normal coachee-coach sesh. Just after I was able to collect myself back after, this person feels a little off for me, I didn't feel safe. Coach definitely pull quite a few psychological tricks on me. So I decided to not take the coaching now. Ahh. Love the hot latte btw.

Just a few keywords from the conversation to ponder..

Aib.

Size.

Glasses. 

Explore. 

Confidence vs self-esteem.

How young.

 Coach vs teach.

Adhd, dyslexic.

Abang,adik.

No judgment.

Thank you, coach.

TGiaH

Blue ticks..

A post dedicated to blue ticks.

I poriginally planned to a post ranting how stress I am about a blue tick I just received. But then I read the text I sent. Hmm. Sokay. Maybe the question was not what the person would like to talk about.

A blue tick means the person has seen the message.

No reply means countless possibilities.

Forgot.

No intention of replying.

Busy.

Still thinking of how to reply.

The best blue tick out of many is a blue tick then a hours of pause then a reply. In a way, you know that person remembers you dear. (or thinking subsconsciously).

Had few days back to back locum so was very exhausted. A very rewarding 9pm sleep. Alhamdulillah. I went bowling. After a month. Next weekend, tournament. Gulps. Just don't wanna fail miserably. Hehe.

So yeah. In the end, I double text. Kah2. 

Anyhow a blue tick doesn't lessen a person's value okay. It's simply just life. You are sooo worth it. Strong, beautiful & kind.

Blue, my colour. Well, not so much if I'm upset.

TGiaH

Eid adha at Terengganu + loving old people

Haven't even started yet but I'm already in tears. Reminded on tok's word. 

"Jodoh ni Allah yang tentukan. Allah yang rancang. 

Jika tiada jodoh ni dunia, ada jodoh di syurga"

Simple words, yet coming out perhaps from tok touches my heart. Even yesterday, I nearly shed a tear when tok said. It felt like a answer to relief my stress, anger, resentment, my wants of how hard Allah put me through this test. Like this instance, I want to move on yet Allah sent down an accident. An accident revealing I care. For someone that perhaps doesn't know I care that much even. How is that that night I even prayed solat hajat just so she's safe & sound. Allah chose me for this test. 

I'm trying my best. I have to move on despite it's gonna take some time. He's not the best for me. At this moment. I deserve someone who wanna invest his time for me. Grateful for me. Wanna be friends with me.

This week. 4 days eid adha holiday (1 official holiday + applied leave, then weekends). Meeting the very old to the very young this week. I realise I love old people. I love holding, caressing their hands while listening to their stories though at time I don't understand part of it while sometimes their dozing off while doing it. Trying to hold a 1 month baby. That one at least I accomplished for a few minutes.

Visiting the beach. Ahhh. I really want a holiday by the beach or island this year. Aamiin. Terengganu was good. Half-ish. I think. Lots of resting. Just poor abah. I hope he gets rest too.

And my close friend F gave birth to her son this morning. Alhamdulillah. I feel blessed as a friend.

Need to go for a bit of studying,

TGiaH

4 days locum kachim kaching

Writing this at my part time place. Alhamdulillah, I'm so grateful for this job. Hope for barakah in it too. It's a 4 days straight of part timing. Since one of the staff's husband died. Speaking of which, I learned from it. The type of marriage I want. A peaceful, calming one. A team framework. No resentments. In Shaa Allah, aamiin. 

This morning, first I slept much in a while. Feel semi-good about it. Edited a vid yesterday. A first in a while. I don't have much to write except I'm super excited for dinner, a full whole hearted meal. A fave of mineee. Soupp. 

Oh I almost forgot. Our k-eta has been approved. Mine 2 hours after I submitted it. Alhamdulillah. To a journey of barakah. Hehe.

A little joget-joget,

TGiaH

Noticing attachment

Writing this at k3 at work. I know writing at work seemingly a bad idea. It's just that I need to write. I need my outlet.

I noticed this past few days my thoughts are consumed by the past person though ending it was something I needed. It's complicated because I care about his mom. Geez. At times, I hate myself. Though the attachment is not strong it is there making me stuck, making me not being able to prioritise my centre of life, Allah. Allah, I need you as my centre of thoughts, my peace, my everything. Ahh. The accident is a huge test for me. A test for me which I will succeed. I have to. 

The attachment came from feeling of hope. I did hope that things worked out. I did hope I found the one, living a peaceful life with someone I can call husband. One day In Shaa Allah, S. One day. You have to certain, yaqeen. Huhaaa. Still, I learn from this I really want a partner, to get married. Just I'm a little confused whether I should venture online now or later. Or just focusing on myself, fixing my relation with my Rabb. Why not both? Idk.

I did my best. Just because some person hopes for me it doesn't mean I have to not get to know others too. No need to feel guilty or stuck. I'm sure she wants the best for me too. You've got this!

\Feeling better,

\TGiaH

Ke Korea ke kitaa..

Just got back from another ziarah. Phew. Serious I sometimes Idk how to navigate things. Anyhow, yeah. Life goes on and on and on. Not worth getting stuck. *sudden boil of blood* Alhamdulillah, all is well.

So planning on going to korea end of September. Alhamdulillah managed to book a cheap ticket. So now my head full of korea. Hope I made the right decisions all the way. 

Hmm. Hope this conversation ends tonight and doesn't drag. 

This week despite monday off day to service my car it is a longg week. Many locum shifts which is Alhamdulillah. Need some rest tonight cause tomorrow is a long shift day. 

Somehow decided undecided to go for the bowling tourny. Ahh. I don't feel like going much. Oh well.. 

May Allah ease all our affairs.

Aamiin,

TGiaH

Another Monday writes..

Took a day off as I had to service my car. RM340 ish. Feeling a bit well rested. Alhamdulillah for the day off. Went bowling! After a month-ish. So-so la. Still need to pick up those spare. My balancing.. Cook for the house. A bit of kitchen & room cleaning. 

Weekend. Full both locum day + kenduri + visiting mak long Adah Tok W. I was amazed how to actually care for a sick person (stroke person) and how little I know. When the time comes, will I be able to do a good job?

Aljhamdulillah, my locum pay last month was correct. Ma Shaa Allah I didn't know that I managed to earn that much but Alhamdulillah. Allah have given me so much. Just like how He move the hearts of others to genuinely help me find my life partner. I'm ever touched for their gesture. My dad said his mother said there might be a bit of misunderstanding. That he wanted to get to know while he still stabilises his income. Well. I though he said he no longer wanted to get to know me which is pretty evident by his actions. Which also a part of his personality and his situation (takkan nak bersungguh nak kenal anak orang tgh takde duit kan). Though if he really want, he will find a way. A man always do to get his lady. Gitew. Meanwhile, I'm happy for this situation where we are just normal friends and not taaruf-ing. Focusing more on myself. Improving myself. Fuhh. I lack so much. All in all, I leave Allah to plan how this will turn out. Pareto principle. 20-80.

Syukr,

TGiaH

I care. Siblings day out. PBAKL 23.

Contemplating whether I should write now or on the way back home. Another train ride writing.. 

Didn't wrote yesterday so here I am today. First day back at work, had it a bit easy today. Back home slept woke up suddenly a pang of depress + sadness. There are those moments.

How is that I'm not good at expressing myself. With the right words for someone. Alhamdulillah I bought the book KEKOK. Maybe the few past events bought me to buy the book. A reason for everything, ey?

Alhamdulillah, settled for May's CCM (just need to tally back the timing & print out the reasoning notes). 

I am loved.

I am loved.

I am loved.

Some days shows how inadequate I feel. Missing parts. Attachment. Pain. Sad emotions.

Had a full 3 day weekend.

Fri- lunch call almost didn't go back early, CCM thingys to do

Sat - wedding things + locum

Sun - all 5 siblings day out at PBAKL + 4 fingers + hanbing + barbeque

Mon - last minute lalaport to meet up with a friend dok Brunei 

Feeling blessed really.

It's just over the weekend his family got into an accident. His mother, mak. I was worried. I cried. Therefore, I found out I care. Not him, but his mother. Her kindness did touch me. May Allah bless her with the greatest reward. Aamiin. She is safe. Alhamdulillah.

Reminding myself to do kindness with detachment of repayment or outcome. I do it for myself. Not for others. 

Mak,

TGiaH

An ipoh wedding + dealing with past trauma.

As a child, I was always the one left out. Most of the time. Seeking a way that pleases others always been my way. Growing up, I learn to no longer do that as much. Instead, I appreciate myself. I was triggered with a past faint memory that the people around me appreciated it more that I was not there. That is how I felt yesterday, after my roommie's walimah. Seeing her close friends, my mind thought why did I come to her nikah when she didn't properly invite me (to my defense she was welcomed to the idea, and I enjoyed the nikah & the time I spend there much. Alhamdulillah.) But yeah, I thought maybe she didn't want me there. I don't know. If it was me, I certainly am happy but of course it's not something I will openly invite. Fuhh. I really hope she was happy me being there.

A short ipoh trip that morning with my fam who all of us haven't taken a bath. Haha. But somehow Allah place the plan of how I 'teringin' which is just Alhamdulillah. And all the fate of making the way easy for us (like the non existing queue before us then suddenly few minutes later the queue starts then the parking spots. Just the little things we deem seem like wah Ma Shaa Allah. My pictures this time thoughhh. Huwaa. My aesthetics. Whyyy. (Telling myself I really should be please with the pics). Alhamdulillah.

Drown in sweats,

TGiaH

Feeling better + when I die.. Falling back to routine.

The thought of death. In a good manner. A syahid. A jihad. A battle I must fight. To victory. An everlasting Jannah and my Lord. 1 week has passed. Had a slight contemplation & no I don't want to moment when the reconcilation us are just distant friends moments. Guess I do kinda hate him. Well, to be fair I hate myself at certain parts but I'm proud that I tried my best. And very relieve with how Allah plan things to end. Just wished had a few more conversation I wished I had. But nvm. The end. Full stop.

I do keep think a gift for his mother. A sweetheart. At least what Allah has shown. May Allah bless her & her family always. I deserve someone much better & ready. And I have to be that person. I'm still thinking here and there but the sense and clear mind from thoughts and focus shift back to me, life & Allah. Is just well better.

Drowning in sweats,

TGiaH

Ended!

The taaruf finally ended. Yuhuuuuu. Haha. I felt so relieve when it did. And beautifully with Allah's plan at that. 2 months exact. My on a day off, tuesday his mom text first which was majorr alert surprise then yeah everything else comes to piece. I didn't even to put much effort. Fuhh. Stress season is over and I'm back with being me with a lil aftermath state of mind and emotion but I'll get through this. I will. Biiznillah. To a better me, to a better someone, to a better future.

Felt super on top on weds, which was really nice. Kak K & his mom, really sooth my confidence. Thank you for liking dear me.

Renewed my roadtax, bowled. Kinda good score at first. Today however is a lil particular rough day a bit. Waking up to a lil anxiety at heart then sadness. Hmm. Then awkward afternoon. A lil unsettling feeling but I got this.

Current jam: Arwian Dwi - Satu Shaf di Belakangku. Sweet as honeyyy.

Reflecting Idk myself if I'm ready. 80% is me being my best version of myself, healing, making way through. 20% is finding him.

Saturday night,

TGiaH

A panicky gift + exhausted.

This week been a roller coaster (specifically this weekend). Huhu. Haha. Anyhow, I feel my heart soften as a b-side of still proceeding with this taaruf-not-so-taaruf thingy. Hmm. Feeling like ahh stress why do I hae to put all the effort into someone who is not interested in me? Ahh geez. Benci2. Penatt. Nak nangis. Tadi maghrib auto angkat takbir terus nangis cam bdk kecik dpn Allah. Allah. Ana kalah. This battle? So tiring. Why oh why someone like him? I really like his family but him? Idk ya Allah. Ahh. I feel the tears coming. To put my ego aside eh? Huhu. I don't even know if he can accept me. Another stab in the heart. I prayed if he is the one to Allah to soften his heart, to have the criteria I need in a husband & father to our children and for me to be the best spouse, mother & daughter in law. If not, let my one and true jodoh to ease his affairs and everything (the 2 rows I just stated). 

His uncaring nature. Hmm. Another side of my concern. Will he be able to have empathy to his wife? Lesser of my concern, his ability as a leader. I still need to get to know him. While.. Waiting for someone else to come. Think this of polishing my skills. Eceh. Sampai nangis2 kau. Huhu.

May. Monday 1st May - holiday & Thursday wesak day. Got a bit of rest in. First time oncall ccm. Nervous a bit but not too much. Had a lil Weds scare to the clinic with the power cut. Guess have to integrate solat hajat everyday this month. Today work kinda felt like wanting to work full 8 hours. But I need to rest.

Thursday open house at surprisingly his housing area. Ahaha. Thw whole story was basically so funny. Didn't expect his house to be in the same area as the open house just a couple rows away. Then, when searching for the house I basically park at his house without knowing it ws his fam house, went all the way to the last house only to find out we were at the right lane. Uturn back, lahai it was the house I just parked. Rushed & panicked, asked H to put the gift in the letter box to almost him to open the door to almost scratch his sister's car. Alhamdulillah that didn't happened. Anyhow, that's that. Didn't contact him since that day. 

So where are we heading?

TGiaH

Aidil fitri 1444H, a passed away, taaruf-ing still?

Today seems like a more positive day. Hehe. Took my time a liland still manage to come in to work 8.50 ish. Now at FAA. Been missing last week post. Well. it's eid & I was at Kedah.

Ramadhan recap: I managed to finish the Qu'ran. Got 12 days fasting to pay back. Ahh whatsapp my roommie S, so kokokok. Hmm. Serabut sikit kepala.

Mak Lang passed away on first night of Syawal so we had to go back to Kedah. Kedah.. After so long. No eid celeb, no eid clothes, eid prayer on the road, just family together and eid food potluck. The way I like it. Mak Lang bought us together on eid at Kedah. Then, 2nd syawal until the day of work (night time) just raya thingys. Haha. Tired and feeling like I need a social break.

Oh I managed my first raya ootd. *pat in the back*

How's taaruf-ing? I feel calmer now. Didn't expect him to actually text on the 20th April. Guess the taarufing game is still on. Hmm. Let's follow the flow for now. Just I noticed he noticed the time we didn't text + a lil awkward on starting the conversation. So now back to neutral. 

Okay la. Toilet break. 

TGiaH

Taaruf part 6 update / last of Ramadhan.

I teared up just now. Ughh. It's just unfair for me. I prayed for my jodoh to be soften his heart whoever he is, but ends up I'm the one who gets my heart softens. Ahhh. S oh s. Whyy. I even ask advice from a coworker. My private life exposed. Kukuku. It's been almost 1 week since we've talked. Will that our last talk or will it to be continued? My head already planning to wish raya while my heart said oh don't ever go there missy. Logically there's nothing wrong to try though I'm confused whether he's interested or not, probably cause he's confused himself. There's no reason to say no. Ouch. Straight truth. Except his unreadiness.

Just to put a lil timestamp:

10 Mac 2023: First whatsapp

12 April 2023: First meetup

15 April 2023: Last text

This difficult Ramadhan is coming to a near end. Sadd. Huhu. Certainly difficult with me being so stressed then crying then 2 times period, depressed for not being to khatam al-Qur'an. 1st period 1st night after tarawikh then the 4 in the morning of 27th. Alhamdulillah today, somehow somehow manage to 1 hour period break. I'm never gonna give it easy next Ramadhan. Idk why I was so sure that my period gonna be 30days apart. The precious 2 days. 

First raya with cookies I bought and duit raya for the kids. Giving 1k for my family. Ahh. I do feel I lack adaah this ramadhan. My father huhu he makes me worry. Oh Allah grant my parents, my family good health. I need to tidy my room.. Manage my finance tracking, putting eid money. O last night the standing fan stopped working at 2, maybe a sign for me to make doa. This ramadhan, a lot of jodoh direction doa. Have my heart been opened to a new adveture?

Will see,

TGiaH

Taarufing. Will this even end? Mid Ramadhan.

Idk how to say. I thought today was gonna be the last day of my misery. But Allah says other wise. Huhu. Sampai hati Allah seksa ana camni. All in Allah's plan. I was hoping he spared me a few minutes of his time. Again, who am I? Tingling of my old friend, pain. Allah forgive me. Idk still either this continues or end 

1 ramadhan & I'm my 17th juz. Alhamdulillah. Had a facial at cuura this week and iftar with F. Had a family iftar on my mother's side here at our house, officiated the vietnamese coffee at midnight. But well, I went in to sleep early cause I worked today. Work was nice Alhamdulillah.

Raamadhan is nearing the end. Ahh. It's gonna be nice.

Allah, direct to what's good for me,

TGiaH

Taaruf? Okay lahh. Depressed + tired. A night over the police station.

Who says taaruf-ing is fun? Well, this week I'm depressed and tired. Took a few days gap between chating though everything I initiate. He does sambut though and still quite consistent with his replies. So yeahh. 1 week left. 7 days count down to the end.

Been talking to Allah a lot, how tired and exhausting the process is and how I wish the person is sincere too and have the same intentions, values, goals etc. But yeahh, life not that easyy.

Ibu got into an accident last jumaah. Thought nothing serious until my sis told she's bleeding (lips), shoot I took off from the office. Ibu was okay (Dr checked), a night over at the police station, morning at the police station. Worked both saturday & sunday. Lots of sleep. And yeahh tomorrow's monday.

Tadarus Qu'ran count: Juz 7. Ramadhan Day 11.

Allah, help me.

TGiaH

What is the point of taaruf-ing? Welcoming Ramadhan 1444H.

Hmm. Feeling a little glum. What is the point of taaruf-ing when I feel like the guy has little interest in me or in marriage. Yet I still give this a month out of consideration of the family. A marriage needs a sincere guy not just a sincere lady. Am I being sincere? Yes, in my intention. 

This time around, the taaruf being mostly neutral with a few moments of excitements/nervous, depending on the conversation. Do I feel positively about this? I don't think so. Just a friend. I feel. I don't know much (more like anything) about him as a potential candidate. Hmmm. Ahhh. Malas.

2 weeks left to this taaruf. We'll see then. Whatever Allah knows best.

Forgive me for every sin I commited/didn't ya Allah.

Raamadhan has come again. Alhamdulillah I'm blessed to live during another Ramadhan. Wedsnesday night was the first night. After tarawikh which felt so short, I recited like until early juz 3, then eh I'm on my period. Wippee. Haha. Anyhow, our family is blessed with a full family circle for iftar. Alhamdulillah. Having everyone here is a blessing.

Let's roll in bed, shall we? Well.. After house chores,

TGiaH

Navigating taaruf the second

He made an effort to contact first on Sunday which is nice. However, he is not thinking of taaruf so kinda a bummer. So... At this point, I know to be safe that I probably not gonna last long with him. 

One day, I find a serious-relation taking guy, In Shaa Allah.

Saturday, first time meeting Mel at KL. Uwah. Talk as if we've known for some time. Ramadhan coming tomorrow's night and I should really refocus the vibes of a really special month's coming. Hehe. I'm a bit excited.

Oh and todayyy, I'm finally free of my P license. Alhamdulillah.

Locum-ing,

TGiaH

Navigating taaruf-ing.

I'm being introduced to another guy. I feel grateful & a bit happy that another family acknowledges me. Though, I've been dealing with my anxious attachment (though just a lil) and my parents marriage anxiety. I really hope they understand I'm at a place that I'm being content with my life now and I'm searching for a spouse because that what's Allah tells us to do and because it's our fitrah which I'm 100% (almost certain) that I will at the right time to a wonderful amazing spouse & family. Andd I'm gonna be an amazing pious righteous obedient loving supportive understanding wife & dedicated mother. Aamiin. 

Waiting,

TGiaH

My first gold medal + thinking about life

These past 2 weeks wow. So much has happened yet there so little time for me to wind down and process thigs. 

Learning about people, learning about myself. Prompts of my relation with Allah. Got me thinking what m ideal life looks like. A mixture of working hard + travelling + in between breaks with myselfs alone and sometimes the people I love. The right acuan? Ratio? I not know yet. Ahh. A little of writing + vid/pic-documentary of myself. 

Recognising soft toxic traits of others. Like the one hurt my effort towards bowling when I was so proud of achievement. 

Pharmsport and vietnam was so much fun.

Despite the little bumps of my car's accident and breakdown, Allah gave me chance to enjoy through the above events with so much content. I feel so grateful for it. 

Instagram's been my travel + food documentary, something I can look back.

2023 travel update.

Jan - Pekan

Feb - Vietnam

Mac - Kuantan

Sipping my matcha latte from Dyslexic cafe,

TGiaH

Vietnam luxury

 Writing this on my way to pharmsport. Hopefully, a good scored game. Aamiin. 

Vietnam was heaven. Loved the trip so much. Enjoyed. I was soaking the sight, culture, the vibes. 

I probably have to write this later. Mabuk jalan. 

Day 1 - got in almost when gate close, first vietnam lunch, hcm mosque, disco bathroom, night in dalat.

Day 2 - banh + kari, clay tunnel adventure, roller coaster, crazy house, aimee dalat shopping, flower garden, train station + night market

Day 3 - 5 morning to muine, a breathtaking mountain breakfast, white + red sand dune, fast furious jeep ride, night in hcm

Day 4 - mekong river; coconut, honey, traditional dance + song, luxury bags, coffee mosque

Day 5 - brekkie & shopping, a run to flight home, safe land

Ahh. I miss travel so much. Soaking in the goodness in every cell. 

Hmm. I cant help feel jealous of a travel agents life. Seeing her go to Vietnam again. Bestnyaaa. Nak gakk. Though I miss my work a bit, just a bit. I loved travel more. I miss my routine more. 

Yesterday, my car got into breakdown. Hmm. I was in verge of crying. Oh dear car. Please, stay alive & healthy for me. My poor abah, please org tu byr kereta abah cepat2. Kesian kereta abah.

Catching up before flight + an incident.

Busy at work. The week before school holidays. Kswp, work locum etc. 

Training bowling session at Sunway.

A rush prayer. 

A rush accident.

A hikmah.

I am given a chance. A better muslim.

Though my mind sometimes plays the scene. It's healing.

A bit of sacrifice.

Distracted.

Dunya.

Allah.. Please & always protect me from bad, evil things. Perkara buruk & jahat.

Thank you Allah. 

You blanket me with protection.

Too little I was grateful.

4 hours before flight.

Still at home.

May Allah always protect us.

And ease.

Aamiin.

Coach scene,

TGiaH

I've made it through the week.

Despite the packed schedule, less time for emotion regulations here I am at the end of the week. I haven't prayed isya' though I should. Also, haven't tidied my room yet. Ughh my luggage got full of dust. 

I made it through. My scores at bowling went a bit better. A bit. Still got to work on it. 

I've got a raise at locum. Alhamdulillah.

My car's brek went a bit loose but Allah protected me so.. Alhamdulillah.

I've gotten less locum shift. 16k sales well almost.

Manage to go to my neighbour's wedding yesterday before work though a bit late.

Gottten a lot of patients this week therfore feeling tired became a norm.

Went to darussyifa, blessed.

Tried a viral food, well.. I wanted the pancakes.

Getting the travel fever a bit.

Alhamdulillah,

TGiaH

Weekend for family + maghrib refresher + new oppo phone.

Had a slum day but then to darusyifa maghrib session. Ahh. It's seeps reviving my heart beat.

A weekend for family. A's wedding, family gathering (though I did work yesterday). Love it but exhausted.

Wedsnesday was KL public holiday. Opened up my new phone. Still adjusting period. Got some nice rest and a bowling session on Tuesday.

Guess a week of silence. Should I go try bm online? 

Me still trying to figure resting is not a waste of time. Resting is a part of life. I deserve rest. Adequately, appropriately.

Thinking of 1 month 1 travel trip. New years goals.

Thank you Allah.

TGiaH

Okay. Next!

So it's settled he's not ready. Onto the next person, hope so. This morning another family came, so maybe yes maybe no. I don't know just yet. Hmm. What a roller coaster journey. When the time comes, it will come. Allah knows when.

I still feel a lil bit of anxious attachment cause in my head running all sort of response & things I wanna talk. Well, I have my platforms; my blog, my journals, my friends, Allah & myself. Bringing back my focus to the present and clear my mind.

At least I didn't feel as surprised + upset as when I found out. Haha. This is much better. Though, I deleted the messages to make it easier on me. You go, S!

I had both weekends days off. I went to a bowling event with uitm jengka kids then meet up with roomie, S. Loved it! Now, only a few hours left before sunday ends. I better rest.

Uuu. And gaji dah masuk. Haha.

Alhamdulillah,

TGiaH

First meeting of the year + Pahang trip (11 days work strike)

I'm done with my 11 days continuous work (some lasted until 10pm) anyhow, I made it. Today's shift start at 6pm. Gotta get a lil sleep after this. Work's been pretty busy last week. Today's Tuesday, last holiday before work tomorrow. 

Hmm. I'm a lil bothered now by the question why. And the late replyy. Annoyingg. Haha. Fuhh. Sabar. I thought of sabar as this year's theme. New year's goal? Earn more money thru side income + travel moree. 

Wedsnesday, had a lil meeting. I guess I did pretty basic + neutral. Nothing extra in talking, apperance wise no makeup absolute. Though I am tired that day. Plus, got period that day. So then, we starting talking thru ig at Friday after asr. Still figuring everything out.

Saturday - work day. Sunday - went to kenduri I abah's friend at Pekan. Went to this lovely fisher's village. Fuhh. The vibes. It's like kemas in a sense. I thought of how brave to marry someone in a foreign country. Then, we went searching for the beach in which we found wild otters instead. Then went to sultan abu bakar's museum which is so nicee. The train's cafe. Had lots of fun. Reminded me of my trip to ipoh. Similar vibes. We went to homestay at Gambang which is just perfect for my family. Alhamdulillah. Visited K after. I missed her. Still a lot more I wanted to talk. May Allah protect her. 

A chill morning walk then nasi kukus mama. Visited UIA Gambang the first time after 7 years. A special place. Okay, I seriously have no focus to write this now.

Ahh,

TGiaH

Time rich, mini retirement.

Start enjoy work that is not motivated by money. - Lacey Filipich. Invest, save, be frugal. Catch FIRE. Towards becoming time rich. Which is what I want. I wanted money freedom so that I get to spend time with my future family. Buying that time. Money freedom to go where and when I want. How I wanna spend my time. What's my ideal month would look like (reminded of Ali Abdaal)

I shopped quite a these 2 days. A new phone. Clothes for Vietnam. Worked for 2 full days of weekends. Now another 6 days to go. I need to have the strength. 

I noticed I become more self cautious + thinking of what others think this 2 weeks of late. Some thing I haven't done in a while. I'm confident & I love myself. I'm imperfect and I love it. Healing takes time.

My parents bought another "this mother likes you for her kid". Will this succeed this time? Idk & I care just a bit. Though the feeling of being scared and losing my comfort self and am I ready for this. Hmm. I never will 100% overcome. Have I healed? It's always gonna be a process. Just Allah, make it easy for me please.

I should solve this,

TGiaH

Deciding to travel to Vietnam (with my parents??)

I just decided to go to Vietnam for 5 days 4 nights though the dates aren't ideal but when else will I get the chance? Hopefully it will be an easy, fun and peaceful trip. Exploring a new place, a new country. To cross of my bucketlist. While I don't have this years goals yet. Perhaps to travel more? Being single does comes with its perks off having more free time. Hehe. 

What did I did last week? Balancing between 2 jobs, getting some bowling practice. Hmm. I still suck at it. TT.TT Definitely spoil my mood.

Well, today's tuesday but I'm taking an off day to service my car. Ouhh grown up thingys. I said to myself. I'm grateful for my car and I'm grateful to have a safe car space to sent it to service also having to spend on my baby. Then, more bowling practice. Then, a haircut. Hehe. Layered on the shoulder cut. Cinnamon rolls to take away at new found fave desert. Got some exercise in today so I'm proud of myself. Yeahh. 47 isj kg today.

Thinking of my outfits to go to Vietnam. Hmm. And baju raya. Aduhh. 

I'm watching singles inferno 2. Interesting show how human emotions, attractions, break up. And all rounded people in a sense. Hence, my injection of I'm pretty too (maybe not ><).

2nd post of the year!

TGiaH

2022 Recap

I'm in a bit of a rush. Geez. I should've not slept before I wrote. Here we go:

January: Trying starbucks for the first time.

February: First time horse riding.

March: Convocation!

April: First month Bangi-Putrajaya. Living back with my family.

May: F's wedding + officially a pharmacist!

June: Ipoh's solo trip.

July: Braces off + baking class.

August: Day trip to Terengganu + skip bowling for 2 weeks.

September: Family a lil expensive staycation.

October: Covid quarantine.

November: Parasukma.

December: Locum-ing.

Had to look thru my blog's posts titles cause I definitely forgot what I did in 2022. Looking back now, a lot of experience I went thru. Just that I forgot.

1. Name three words that best describe my 2022.                                                                                         Adventure, hardwork, accepting.

2. Biggest lesson you've learned this year.
Blogging is important. Ahaha. (Biggest thing I discovered about myself - I like being by myself.)

3. Biggest change I did this year.
Moving back with my family.

4. Best decision I made this year.

Deciding to go ipoh solo.

5. Best single achievement I made this year.
Parasukma (the first thing the cross my mind) and I have to include becoming an official pharmacist! Plus, convo.

6. Who helped you get through 2022.
My tough never giving up me side.

7. Which worry was unnecessary this year?

How bad I bowl.

8. How did you grow emotionally this year?
Becoming a lil more emotionally sensitive, and independent.

9. Happiest moment of 2022.
Parasukma registration day, a lot of okus.

10. Saddest moment of 2022.

Seeing Blackie sick. Huhu. I feel so sorry. Honestly I don't remember much for 9&10.

Proud of myself,

TGiaH

First time locum + picking my parents from the airport.

Writing this on 2nd January 2023. Happy 2023! I haven't list my goals yet. Probably one of it is to tone down my tummy. ><

I had my first locum experience on 26th December (Monday). I have to say it was fun! Worked for a total of 20 hours this week. Phew. Working hard ey. Hehe. I work from 1pm to 10pm. I didn't mind cause the day after is kswp. The last kswp shift of mine from 10 to 10. It went well. 

Then, wedsnesday, final clean up + cooked for my parents coming back. It was a bit of a rush. But me and I managed somehow. By the time we reached the airport, our parents were already outside the arrival gates. >< I haven't got time to record. Then, we went home. Me with abah by my side. Then, locum day 2.

I worked locum another 2 consecutive days. Thursday definitely feel a bit exhausted but Friday was better cause Saturday meant no work. Anyhow, already asr azan. So I better speed up.

31st December. Saturday. My dear cousin's A reception. I accidently stumbled into her and cried. Kyaa2. Happyyy for her. Better the guy treat her right. Aamiin. 

1st of January. Sunday. Sister's movie date + cinnamon rolls date. Ughh. I'm craving some right now. Mechamato's movie definitely gave me the tinge of sadness from the start. I felt it.

Better get going with the recap,

TGiaH