4 days off + entering the last 10 nights..

This week at work super eager for Thursday to come because I can't lie but I feel tired and needed the rest and sleep. Fuhh this ramadhan's challenge.. Or is it because I'm becoming older? And I left my Qu'ran & digital tasbih the Tuesday so umm.. Slept early that day so didn't read the Qu'ran much. The Monday had a litte 'accident', regretted underestimate my bladder's timing.

Aynhow, Thursday came and I pretty much slept, did a lil cleaning, colouring and catching up with the Qu'ran. But I guess I was dissapointed in myself cause Friday was the same. The proud bit for the 20 rakaat tarawikh. Saturday was our big family gathering day so I helped around much except the not so fun bit getting scolded by my mom. She misunderstood oh well. That's life. And she must've held that grudge for quite some time. Aiyaa. Alhamdulillah, all is well.

Had lots of fun for the gathering. An thing I'm really grateful, good family, positive, fun, care and love. To have this rezqi of iftar + tarawikh is a big blessing. I prayed I get to have a gathering like this with all the same people in Jannah. Wasn't able to slept the night. So I ended up sahur, tahajud, Qu'ran at 3. My dad come around to eat too. Hey mate. 

Sunday is a bit of busy day. Woke up 8ish. Laundry, class. Rush the print the material. Just after class, I faced the big giant wall. Stuck + tired. I didn't quite grasp the class because associate with subconscious and sunken memory. Talked about dark traits, at first the ones that completely resonates with me were; shame, judgement (current), matyrdom (in the past). But as I ask the coach a question in class, make me rethink perhaps I have more hidden. So I decided all. Including all the one moment passing feelings cause that's feels more honest & I can tackle all. Just the dark traits, have ranks.

I was kinda upset tbh. Like wow all the negative traits associated with me. I thought I was a good person. Somehow I come across shadow work on google and slept. Waking up, dazed. I feel my right arm was in pain. Perhaps I needed some shadow work now, so I did. So now, I'm rush to work. Kukukuk. 

Folding clothes,

TGiaH

Spilling oil

Sunday afternoon. This morning I spilt some of my hair oil while I was bending down to pick up the fallen cap. So probably not gonna sweep my floor. The icon on the down bar of my laptops are missing. No microsoft, no chrome. Alhamdulillah the start microsoft home button is still there. Signs of aging. Almost 10 years with this buddy. Thank you buds.

Just took a shower. This ramadhan definitely comes with the heat. One full week of syifa' showering. Umm. Alhamdulillah. Had a bit of a struggle to be fully abid for Ramadhan, somehow got distracted with Plato. 

Oh and I revealed my family business to my friends at work by gifting some products. Hope it's nutritious, yummy, tayyib & halal they like. (The door gave my a scare suddenly opened when it's locked. I'm wearing a towel Allah. Haha. Okay got changed.) So my business bossy side picked up a bit. I do like selling I guess. May Allah open the door of barakah rezki for my dad's business.

Friday, half day at work went out to sell the ring. Alhamdulillah a smooth process. A bit sayu & it was a pretty ring, but I know it's better to let go. It's not mine to keep. 1.5g. Fuhh. In Shaa Allah, the funds to be wakaf divided to 3. So long memories, salam pahala. Aamiin.

Saturday, did a lil volunteering with the juniors in the morning. It was fun! Love to see every gene's activities. Hehe. Then, off to locum at 3. Time flew fast at locum either that of I was texting my school friend. It's nice. My head is into to shopping things I need & want. A treat to myself. And it's nice. Like I really value myself like how I value to spend on others. Here's to spending on myself!

Tuesday, a same day notice to work. Went in after maghrib. Good Alhamdulillah.

I cried just a little this week, good to say I feel good today. Alhamdulillah. The week back to fasting and tonight going into 14th Ramadhan. So fast..

Onto colouring,

TGiaH

Oh Ramadhan

Alhamdulillah I'm chosen for this year's Ramadhan. After the first day, I had my period. Alhamdulillah. Focusing on 100 000x istigfar kinda 5000 per day. It's a lot. Social media detox going well. Just yesterday I had to open cause my saved dua list is there. Funny how social media took much of my time. I realised this morning/noon, I didn't do a 2023 recap. Huhu. Oh dear. Probably gonna do one. Better late than never. 

Even after a few days, the sleeping took it's toll. First day of fasting was tuesday and thursday I had the day off to renew my contract stuffs. I basically slept most of it. Butt the best part of the day, I made sambal. Alhamdulillah. For the cooking.

I clean my room, went to a syifa session with my family yesterday. Clean my room again today, morning walk and settled the laundry. Work. Did some going into my reality (subsconcious meditate/manifest thingy), did some talking to my older self (yesterday, a lil today after meeting little S) and child self (today). Both gave my comfort. Lil S is so cute. Such a bundle of joy.

I know I need to write more. Do a lot more of journal prompts. It's only the sixth day of Ramadhan and I'm questioning my wants for marriage. I know I really want a partner. But a partner as I imagine? Seems impossible yet nothing is impossible to Allah. I know I am a good person In Shaa Allah, trying to be better everyday. Nothing's perfect but I have to carve my skills to handle all the types of situation the ones I like and dislike in this life. Cause this in the end, is what Allah has chosen for me. 

Also, Alhamdulillah for a iftar with the full 7 of us. Alhamdulillah.

Lots more doas,

TGiaH

Word of the year

Quick go thru my earlier posts, I didn't quite find if I had choosen & written my word for this year. This year I think of "Clean". While this past months & until Ramadhan, I'm focusing on healing & forgiving. Healing so many aspects of myself, every big & small memory I remember of forgotten. While I forgot how forgiving someone is like and questioning if I have truly forgiven or I myself am not aware of my capacity. Maybe I'm much more emotionally smart, mentally strong than I am aware. But is it truly solid & sturdy? Is it healthy? Cause I do feel pain. If not why my body feels tired. As if there's constant pain under my whole skin that I don't even realised the pain.

I did my first two inner child healing meditation with tears. My adult self was so badly reaching out to my  child self, admiring her resilience and strength. So strong. Yet, I know she's doesn't know how lovable she is. How deserving all the good love. I love you and you are not less of anything, any love, lil S. I vividly remember she forgives everyone that belittle & made fun of her, cause she knows they don't know any better. She's hurt, sometimes helpless with her own flaw, yes. But she never gave up. You deserve every attention, but from my own & not others.

Ramadhan is the night tomorrow and I made every intention to just please make this month, the month of full of right duas. So that I be healed the right way and my duas are granted in the best way. Aamiin. Probably of my period too tomorrow. Allah.. Guide me to making the right duas, to choose the right carefully curated words for what is needed in my life. Aamiin.

Visiting a baby, next.

TGiaH

Shop

Monday. 7pm ish. Let's just get this done and dusted. 

My parents are back from Turkey. Fuhh. One day In Shaa Allah. 

Pretty much shopee on the weekend. The taste of able to spend money with lesser care than my penny to penny uni days. 1, I 'teracun' by youtube, the dermatologist seems to really know. And thinking I too wanna look radiant and younger even when I age. :P Haha. Then basic stuffs.

Also, the wedding baju kurung I bought a month ago. It was restocked. Lol. At and even lower price. Somehow I decided to at least try for the M. Haha. I don't even now when I am getting married probably a M or a L. Better be safe. Anyhow, it's still a steal. I always put off shopping the clothes I liked (some really really liked) for the fact I probably never gonna wear that much // not a necessity. However, a nice dress for a wedding at a steal price might as well buy it now than spending tons later. Clothes are not cheap these days. TT.TT 

Pretty work, work, work. A lil stress from thinking my boss my disturb my allocated working hour. The past week I noticed being lil more agitated (which is not my usual me). While the sadness comes and goes. I still need to heal my self esteem. 

1 week before Ramadhan.

TGiaH