2019 in a nutshell.

It's 11.26 pm 31st December 2019 right now and I'm not in the best state but let's give this a shot, okay?

1. Name three words that best describe my 2019.
Self-development, self-healing and self-love.

2. Biggest lesson you've learned this year.
Taking care of my own self is not selfish because me myself have a right as well.

3. Biggest change I did this year.
Focusing on lots and lots of self development. Changing my routine to be exact. I didn't thought I would be exercising. Lol. Vlogging as well.

4. Best decision I made this year.
Letting go and setting boundaries on things that are not worth it.

5. Best single achievement I made this year.
Saying no to become one of the candidates of national student awards simply because I don't want to do this anymore.

6. Who helped you get through 2019.
Allah, myself, my family. Honestly Allah grant me so much strength that not anyone has.

7. Which worry was unnecessary this year?
How I am gonna help my family financial situation. But I guess it's necessary even though there's nothing much I can help. Hope it gets better. Aamiin.

8. How did you grow emotionally this year?
I'm doing better this year. I cry but lesser & I don't feel depressed as much.

9. Happiest moment of 2019.
Having my family coming for a surprise visit. It was the best.

10. Saddest moment of 2019.
I have a ton of sad 'moments' I had to dealt with but I don't think there is a top most sad thing.

Wow. That was short. Guess I don't really have much to say.

I'm proud of you 2019,

TGiaH

23 Things For 23 Me.

So I turned 23 yesterday! It's weird because I kinda feel I skip a year of my 22 because I feel I'm 23 like most time of the year because my mindset is I'll graduate at 24. So yeah. I think it's gonna be a little tricky because I didn't do much. But let's give this a try, okay?

23 Things I Love On My 23rd Birthday

1. Sleeping like a lot (but I slept a bit late the night before).
2. Missing tahajud and feeling upset about it (I redeem myself today).
3. Having no birthday plans for the day.
4. [During morning recitation] Stumbling across An-Nur 24:26 about good partners in a couple, which motivates me.
5. Folding my clothes first thing in the morning!
6. Treating myself breakfast to leftovers of burger baek I saved for myself last night. Yummy!
7. Watching a lot of Youtube videos (like an hour) and falling back to sleep.
8. Having my parents as the first ones to wish me happy birthday.
9. Realising I spent my birthday for my first year & last year in IIUMK, while the other two at home.
10. Getting a call from my youngest brother wishing me happy birthday the morning and my younger sister at night (she didn't have data that's why).
11. My little brother H asked me what I want for my birthday, which is the sweetest. I replied spending time with him.
12. Getting an unexpected long wishes from my friend from Thailand & Egypt.
13. My ex-teammate I was working, wish me on FB which I realised I forgot all about him.
14. Having kak S wishing me when I know she's so busy!!
15. Feeling so proud because I actually studied today (like 4 chapters of Quality Assurance subject). What a way to celebrate my birthday.
16. Secretly wanting a piece of birthday cake, but realised it's too expensive to go out and buy one.
17. No physical gifts (like monetary) this year! Only non-physical ones.
18. [During night recitation] Looking into a verse (An-Nur 24:31), I nearly forgot I once memorised about aurah.
19. Decided treat myself to a movie night (as a birthday celebration) and realising I don't know what to watched (In the end, I watched Ella Enchanted).
20. Having 2 packs of Maggi for my movie birthday celebration.
21. Found that I reached my weight target of around 48kg (before I ate the 2 packs of noodles!).
22. Realising how much sodium is in the noodles which can cause hypernatremia and subsequently fluid retention (that's why I weighed more. Haha.)
23. Humming to an unexisting rhyme while I brush my teeth at night (it was 11ish, so that still counts in the day).

This is probably the lousiest list I did among the 3 years. Just a list of what I did yesterday, but that's certainly an experience still.

Happy 23rd birthday to me!

TGiaH

P/S: Something really made me tossing and turning (and super saddd) after 12 last night, I realised that not all people like seeing me & my family being happy. Eventhough I rarely post on social media, it only takes one post for people to inflict hate. I wished things like this never happens, but again that's life and I can only do my best.

The surprise that made me cry.

Btw, it's less than 1 hour before my 23rd birthday! Hehe. Birthday post tomorrow!

Long story short, my family surprise me by coming down to Kuantan. I literally cried, you guys. It's the best gift ever. I know my father is not financially strong now plus his health too (it's worrying). The fact the he came despite that made burst into tears. Obviously, he would try his best to spoilt me with a birthday surprise (he insisted a few time to go out and celebrate). However, things were in my favour Alhamdulillah. Get to drive to the nearest super market, grab some ice cream & back to dinner at our cafe. So Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah, the cheapest option that I can offer. I'm happier this way! I'm very grateful Allah granted me my dua on this. I had such a fun time, just spending time with my family.

I made a video already about the title and I liked the results very much. Not bad for a first timer. I really badly want to post it here. But for privacy sake, I can't. Also, I did my own 2020 vision board + finish my readings! The last book I finished (I guess) for this year is about Sultan Muhammad Al-Fateh. Reading that, tbh at the end I felt really low standard (I don't know the right words, so bear with me). It's not like when I see someone nowadays, and feel ashamed when I compared myself with their knowledge, piosity, ibadah. But this is different, Sultan Muhammad Al-Fateh is way different league. Never leaving solat fardh, rawatib, tahajud. Ma Sha Allah. I also thought do I even value in the eyes of Allah. Like look at these people. The sahabah, tabi' tabi'in, the sufis. I probably at the worst of worst level still. Huu.

Still, nothing much else to say. Let's see what 23 things I can come up for tomorrow, alright?

May Allah make me a better person each day,

TGiaH

Last quiz, last class of our pharmacy journey..

It was our last quiz last night, with lots of buffering I would say. But the end results was Alhamdulillah good for me.

This morning was our very class. Funny & witty with Dr R. Boy, one day I'm gonna miss being in class.

Right now, I'm feeling really lazy and distracted. I'm suppose to study for our OSCE tomorrow. Hope make it easy. I switch my turn with Kak S because she book an early bus. Well, married person priorities hey. I hope her son get well soon. He keep getting sick like his mother.

Btw, my English turn really bad. Surprise2. Lol. And a short clip to prove it.

Most likely, will be reeditting this back tomorrow.

Back to study hey,

TGiaH

My hand surprised me.

I'm attempting to make a funny title, but second thought it sounds weird. Hrmm. Whatever.

The story:

An hour ago, when I was buying lunch as usual. Usually either your bring your own container or take the clear plastic bag (the one you need an elastic band to tie with no handles). And as usual I put the dish (egg, vegies and soup into the plastic).

I look at my left hand and I blinked for a moment.

Wait what?

My left hand is holding the plastic just fine like any normal person and it didn't feel tight neither I was loosing my grip on the plastic. No different from a normal person.

Was it always like this?

But I knew today is probably one of those days my hand is doing better than normal. Or it is also possible my hand will go back being tight any moment.

I guess I just have to be grateful I have small moments that my hand is doing fine and don't have high hopes for more. Might seem ridiculous to say, but for someone who has this struggle even the small moments counts a lot.

Btw, just a side story of yesterday. I had really long breakdown. A cried and still sobbing for an hour in the afternoon and like another 20 minutes at night. I still need to figure how to not be low but sometimes there is no reason I am low. I was thinking because it rain all day (but rain is comforting for me) and I had too much fun and laughter the night before (we had our class gathering and played all sorts of games). I hope today is better because I need to get more work done (because of my breakdown, I was less productive).

Sometimes I wish you can talk, dear blog.

TGIAH

Changing the blog's name.. Thoughts? Please?

I was thinking for a while to change the name (address) of this blog..

The reason is because I want kinda like to keep this blog public even if it's just a very small audience. (And it feels good to let things off my chest).

And.. I still want to keep it anonymous to keep myself the 'space shell' I had before, so I can write (with vulnerability, apparently.)

And... I don't like being undecisive of one day making it public, then another day private. When I can just stop being bother by this.

But.. I've been using this blog name for a while and it seems such a small reason to let go.

So..

What should I do?

#dilemma

I didn't expect someone like that exist..

It's feels so long since I wrote probably because I start talking a lot which in turn mean I've not been blogging quite some time. Yeah. If you are wondering, I use this platform to reduce my talking in real life because I know not everyone has the time to hear me talk and apparently I talk a lot (sorry!). Not to say, the most random thing that cross my mind and not common topics most time. Well, that's a long intro.

So the story is...

Like two days ago. I was scrolling my instagram in the explore feed and for some weird feeling (like says it's instinct but random at the same time. Lol.), I saw this one post. Why I say it's weird because I suddenly went to scroll to this person Instagram which is so not so me. The person's picture, captions, the way the person writes captivate me to read. Made me think is the person a writer (with good photography skills apparently) bc I want to have the book if it is. Turns out the person is teacher but occasionally a speaker in one of islamic institute that I love to keep updated with (but apparently have not the chance to afford yet). So I guess that is the connection where the post came up my explore page.

But one thing.

One thing that made my heart stop.

He's young but his wife has passed away (looks young btw. Idk how old is he.).

And one thing. I never saw someone who 3 years his significant other has passed away and choose to be independent, loving her soul still (and actually breathing the same air as me!). The little snippits I read on his choice on heart break, relation and moving on is so similar to me. What I thought the unclear balance. That's there. A living person is living the situation that years from now. It's me. And speaks me which (I just randomly throw here, if it's stupid just ignore):

• It's okay to grieve. No matter how long. It takes time, in your own time line. It took him three years after the death of his wife. In his reference, the first year every thing matters. Second year, he kept the most important. Third year, comes to the most most important (the wedding dress!). (Sorry if this wrong, but I have bad memory so yeah.) And that's when he knows he have made peace with the memories and moving on. Still on his own pace. Say me I'm stupid but that's rare to see. When one day that time comes, this is gonna be me. I know because I'm going through it now. I do my own loving a person who left myself. No one has the right tells me the time is too long because I know this is my moving on and this is me being strong.
• A mature person knows what loyalty is. It doesn't mean you can't move on once a significant other left but taking the time to still love that person while knowing the difference and time in loving someone else whole heartedly. And not just because it's a replacement or band aid of the past. Which people nowadays do (which I'm mad at them at them. But everyone have their own reasons). Choosing to be independent and investing on one self, becoming better for our self. Taking time to let go. 
• Marrying a person it's not just about the marriage side of marriage (knowing that person can handle responsibility, good lineage etc etc). But loving for the person him/herself instead. Because I know I love that person soul. It matters less what the people see. Kindness, compassion above everything and that's what I love. How the person is striving to become a better person. The effort. And yes, of course the flaws which I wouldn't like, the mad disagreements that would send off the wall. But I know I still love that soul. And I choose a soulmate because of that. Doesn't matter if it's friendship, partnership or marriage (still applicable).
• I'm much more than what people see. At times, I'm clumsy, unthoughtful, dumb, careless, messy, lazy, forgetful, make tons and tons of mistakes. And all times, I'm physically disabled. But I genuinely care, genuinely love helping, genuinely love making others smile, I choose to wanna be kind, understanding despite what others will say, resilient, strong, independent, ambitious, calm, gentle (gentle one day, okay? Cap locks on this one). And apparently all times, capable. #peace Those who know, they know.
• One fact that hit me hard because I know I keep blaming the person for this. I badly want my old self back. The one that is happy and strong. The past self that wasn't hurt, wounded and broken. But the fact, you can't expect that you can be your old self after a heart break. You can't. That's the fact. But the broken self that I was is proof that I survived and make me the stronger person I am. In his words, fearless and unbreakable. So I should stop making hoping to become my old self one day but embrace the new me.

I know I'm a terrible writer but this is me journalling my messy thoughts (because I'm too lazy to edit as well). I probably gonna read back one day and ask what on earth I'm even saying. But everything is clearer. Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah, ya Allah for giving me answers.

Since I'm a terrible writers here's snippets on what he wrote;

"I see my wife beyond that, beyond her pain and illness. She is attractive with her undying spirit to live and she is beautiful with her amazing soul. I feel her raw emotions when she speaks goodness of others – of how her eyes light up with pure sincerity when she tells me tales about her life and people that matter. I feel her genuine warmth with the way she describes her life goals – she is the prettiest among any girls I’ve known of. I would marry her, for her characters, for her soul – I thought." 

http://kamal-effendi.blogspot.com/

And instagram.

Thank you person that through you, Allah gave me clarity. It means a lot. May Allah bless you.

Peace,

The Girl in a Hood

Edit: He's probably someone famous but I don't take note much on famous people. So, sorry his fans!

Lemon tree

There was a cute quiz that's been around like 10 days ago which I decided to do. The results were pretty interesting. So my Focus Type Analysis results was Lemon Tree which I did not see anyone get the same results as me (neither does Coconut). Haha.

My initial response: *confused face*

What my friends comments on my results:

- "You tick every sentence."

- "Wah. Eternally Love."

- "Yeah. That's true."

While my response towards my friends comments are:

- "I don't think the results are true."

- [A while later] "Maybe, it's just what you girls see on the outside but there are a lot more that people don't."

So that results say...:

Calm and gentle, showing eternal love. 

(I had to search up what eternal love means bc it does not make sense. Haha. Definitely not calm and gentle! Wish I am though.)

You are emotionally stable 

(Nope. I literally had depression and breakdowns.  Multiple times in a day the worse. Crying myself to sleep. Felt like I'm a broken thing. Yadaa yadaa. DEFINITELY NOT EMOTIONALLY STABLE.)

and friendly.

(I take this. But I'm less friendly nowadays.)

You are emphatic

(Yeah. But most people are too. I'm not as emphatic as people think.)

and you care a lot about you loved ones.

(Yeah too. But I guess some are too stupid to realise this. :P)

Focus on details

(I don't even do that nowadays.)

and may you treat others with kindness.

(Is this sentence supposed to be and advise or what? But Aamiin anyways. I prayed that most of the time.)

In conclusion: I hope someday the results resonates with me. Someday. For today, let me heal fully first.

Fun fact: I hate sour things though.

The Girl in a Hood

Productive Mid Semester Break

Just wanna show off how productive I have been. Lol.

Saturday: Cousin's wedding
Sunday: Niece's aqiqah & birthday party

Monday: Family day
Tuesday: Carousell
Wednesday: Went to Putrajaya Ministry Depts + Settling my mom's house in Rawang
Thursday: Assignment & homework day
Friday: In charge of booth

Saturday: Rest day
Sunday: Back to uni

It may seem not much. But I defnitely didn't have much time to breath until Saturday came. Anyway, I'm still glad & grateful I used my time well. :)

Will update what happen on Weds soon (I wish),

The Girl in a Hood

I don't eat oden but I work there.

There's an oden kiosk at our cafe. Last week Monday, they said they want a part timer for 1 hour. So I decided to take the chance even though I was nervous.

Turns out I did a great job. Plus, they hired me for 2. So I got 8 bucks for that! Alhamdulillah.

I guess. With financial issues and stuffs, I don't have much option to find money because at least it put my heart a peace a bit. I'm trying to sells stuffs online, instant noodles offline (which is going well) and work part time if I could. So if Allah wills, I can earn a bit.

I guess the pleasure time of just dedicating to study is over. But still, I'm grateful. 

May Allah grant me chance to always help my family,

The Girl in a Hood

When Allah wants to show how our rezqi is meant for us.

So this is a story of a week and a half ago (I know I keep postpone my blog posts but let's set that aside. )

That weekend I was really productive I had volunteering work 2 days consecutively and some was back to back (that was just a divert from the topic).

Since finance is a bit tight now for my family, I'm always much more cautious of where my money go and this time I was worried about the transport.

I was working over the booth on my own because it was my shift but somehow I was alone. So.. I was thinking I have to pay for myself the grab fare because of course I would be too tired to walk back to the mahallah from the office of campus director which is on the other side of the campus. Still, I say Alhamdulillah that I still have money to pay & basically the previous grab fares were covered by the NGO.

But suddenly my friend came, turns out she had a solat break and of course she wants to go back together. So the fare is split to 2. Alhamdulillah.

Then while we were waiting for the grab (turns out the grab arrived earlier but another car was blocking so we didn't notice), another friend shows up wanting to go to the same direction. So now th fare is split into 3. Again, Alhamdulillah.

To end the story, the one who was in charge of the booth told me that she's covering the grab fare for us. So basically it's free! Ma Sha Allah. Again & again Alhamdulillah.

I didn't thought it would turn out that way. But certainly, it's a great reminder for me to always be grateful & trust Allah that our rezqi never wrong.

What is meant to be, is meant to be,

The Girl in a Hood

First time as emcee + productive Sunday.

22 September 2019.

Marks the day I first time tried being an emcee. I did it well. And I'm so proud of myself.

Of course I didn't really want to be an emcee but I didn't have much choice. But the event was pretty simple. Just an smoking cessation & mental health with anti-drug agency pahang.

I still think I could done a bit more better. But seeing how my friends compliment my that I did well. I didn't stutter. I handled it professionally. Just a bit fast in some parts. My friend didn't even know it was my first time being an emcee which I think they are proud of me as well.

After the event, I had to get up soon after to the airport to welcome the Indonesian exchange students.

It was a really productive day. That by the end of it, I was tired. Ahh. And basically everything I ate that day is free. How a good day it is.

There are first to everything, right?

The Girl in a Hood

Final year.. Finally?

Wow. The title. Makes me a bit sad already.

I'm back at home now after a few days of my first week back at UIA. Entering my final years which wow. I'm a super senior now. Seriously, time flies so fast.

I was in a dilemma whether I should take more elective courses or audit or in sit for the classes. After many thoughts, I'd just think of in sitting the class. Idk if I use the word properly. It's my first hearing in sit. But whatever.

Deciding to take in sit results in me having more free time which I hope I use well. In Sha Allah.

I left some of my belongings hence why I'm home. I'm so glad though. After being with my family for months, I miss them. Honestly.

Final years also makes me a bit scared too. Another one year until the big bad world greets me. Huhu.

Oh I also recorded some clips for me to try to some vlogs for me to watch back.

Honestly, I forgot what I need to update but whatever.

The Girl in a Hood

Going to KL with H and I bought a new phone!

Since last few months, I was thinking of buying a new phone. I felt lie I'm stretching the life of my Sony phone. It's a good phone which I managed to bought with my own hard earn money. My first ever smartphone. <3 But it's already 5 and a 1/2 year already since I bought. All my friends even change their phone a few times while I'm still loyal with my Sony. Despite it's broken volume button, black spotted screen, very little storage, battery that won't even last a few hours, I wanted to keep my phone until I finish my studies but fearing it might suddenly die out of nowhere. Then having to spend a larger amount of money to buy a new one. Well, I couldn't risk that would I. But I still need money to buy a new one. I wanted to work but who wanna hire someone whose just gonna work for less than 3 weeks? Plus, I have things I have to settle too which requires me to stay at home. So I finally decided to use my savings which Alhamdulillah there was enough (I have like 7 to 8 bank accounts. Maybe in another blog post. I'll tell.) After, a little bit of rearrangements, I have some money to buy a new phone. Tbh, in June when I went out to the mall with my mom and I (my bro) there was one phone I think quite a nice mid range one. Not too expensive & not too cheap. Modest specs. So yeah, basically it's on my list. But I still hope the price will drop a bit For the past few days, I survey the price online and somehow biiznillah I found one on sale! Not only the price was more affordable (it was RM 100 less), it has a physical store, plus like promising customers' feedback. The store is accessible to the train line which is a major deal winner. I can just there with my brother (and teach my brother how to navigate the train.). After istikharah and discussing with my parents, this was it!

So I went to KL with my little brother H. My dad drops us off at the train station. I taught my brother how to read the train map and how to change the railway lines and so when we first got there. I did bought him the card yesterday at the petrol station just in case. It just makes the job much easier.We hopped on the train and H was awe for like the first 20 minutes. Oh my little 20 year old brother. XD But hey, the view is something worth watching. I like seeing the diversity in Malaysia. Oh and my bro is a big fan of trains. After a train interchange and stops, we were at the store. Everything was good. Checked here. Checked there. Until when I want them to install my simcard, they unfortunately don't offer the cutting service. Oh well. Hope I find a mobile store in KLCC that can help.

Another train later, we arrived to KLCC. But being a noob, I accidently went straight entered the building next to KLCC first before the actual KLCC. Well... When you're underground you can't see the top, okay. But it was a good accident because there was a mobile store is there and not in KLCC. After that, we found our way to Kinokuniya in KLCC. I love bookstores! I really fell in love the atmosphere. Sky tall bookshelves, people there just enjoying their time with book a hint of classic music at the background. How can I not fell in love? I was really tempted to buy books. But English books are so expensive even the smallest book the size of A5 is RM 10-15. While the books I eyed on was like RM 70++. I searched for ebooks and I secretly hoping I can grab the books when it's on sale. Glad there are some options online which some are free. I guess I have to be satisfied with these now. So I didn't buy any. Well, thinking about it. It's the first time I went to a bookstore and bought nothing. Well, I just bought a phone which cost way more than a book and I need to budget.

On the way back, when the train arrives, it was way pack that I had to change to to other doors before I get in. The funny thing is my brother was like Sis! His face was practically saying don't leave me! He was the last to hop on. Well, you can kinda expect the trains in the main capital city are way packed. But I already taught him which train stop he should hop off and everything. Still, even I scared for him if I left him. I've been to the capital city by my own multiples times and he can't even buy a bus ticket from his uni back home. Well, I'm the grown up here. Haha. Well, he's one of a kind. He just reads the bought that he boughts all the way. I have to keep track of the stations and do every other stuffs. *face palms*

That' s for today. Alhamdulillah.

Coincidently another white phone,

The Girl in a Hood

A week update: I love my phone! It's been working perfect! :)

The runaway cow.

It was the second day of Eid Adha when I heard this story. A cow from our next door neighbourhood (does that even make sense? I can't think of the word) apparrently escaped from sacrifice. It practically ran off and nearly knock over the people at the surau. Grateful no one got injured.

Guess where it ran off to?

Our neighbourhood surau. Just after our last cow has been sacrifice and everyone starting to pack their things. So to ease the jobs, the sacrifice of the 'runaway' cow was done here.

It made me think Ma Sha Allah, how Allah plan that the cow was made to sacrifice at our neighbourhood and not the next and that exact place and time when it's life could easily been taken away at the before surau or any other place or not at all. What Allah decreed is sure to happen. I thought.

I know I'm rambling but hope the idea is there.

Eid Mubarak!

The Girl in a Hood

First time cooking nasi lemak and for GUESTS?!

Today was my first time cooking nasi lemak and happens that my first time is not just for me and family, but also for my youngest brother's friends that coming over for their study.

I was nervous. 

I know I'm a pretty decent cook but still cooking for guests are something I left for my dad as the main chef except snacks and helping the kitchen in general. I know I probably was just freaking out. I have made sambal before, boiling eggs and frying the anchovies are pretty simple but I don't even know how much the ratio of cooking the rice. How much coconut milk is just nice? Do I need to put other ingredients as well? I have no clue. Plus. My phone was hanging on dear life in my room upstairs so I can't ask my knight in shining armour Mr Google for help. Haha.

Still, it turn out well.

The sambal was a little spicier, the way I like it. The rice was less salty, again, the way I like it. The eggs and anchovies are easy peasy job so that doesn't count. Haha.

Pat in the shoulder for doing a good job,

The Girl in a Hood.

Another fasting failure.

I tried fasting again yesterday but I guess it's not meant to be either.

At least it was mid day rather than an hour before maghrib.

I was cooking my campak campak version of sambal sardine for my brother H, because he's not fasting and a poor cook. Haha. I taught him what to put and how to cut the ingredients. He was so awkward with the knife. Still, I'm proud of him for trying.

I was still fasting when the cooking was done. But I've felt maybe perhaps I'm on period already but probably not as well.

I went to check and oh well. No luck this time either. So I immediately had lunch and lunch was yummy! (I know I cooked the food but give me some credits)

I've finished my log book Alhamdulillah and sent it to the pharmacy. The printing was a big hassle btw. I spent an hour manually doing the printing. I met little double U at the pharmacy. He asked why I haven't come so long. He still remembers me! Such a cute kid.

At night, I slept in late spending more than an hour catching up with my old deskmate, A. It's been years since I've meet her. Well, we never once met since we graduated. She stills so much her old self.

Campak campak,

The Girl in a Hood

P/S: I still got to fast on Monday so it wasn't that bad.

Watermelon.

I was being finishing my logbook for these past days, so that's why I'm updating now.

A few days ago, last Friday, 1st of Zulhijjah, I've tried to fast. I probably heard that fasting in the first ten days of Zulhijjah is recommended, but it's the first time I've tried. Normally I wouldn't fast when I'm at home because I get free food. Lol.

Back to story. I fasted.

Well, kinda.

I ate like 30 minutes before the maghrib azan. No joke. I was devastated myself.

It was all because I ate watermelon. The story started when my mum asked my to cut some fruits because some guests were coming over that nights and one of the fruits were watermelon.

I don't really mind cutting out the skin of the watermelon, but my mum insists. You know when you try cut the skin there would be small bits of the red parts, so out of habit I ate it. I even ate all the small end round shape parts that doesn't fit in the container.

It was something so dumb but oh well.

I hope the intention counts,

The Girl in a Hood

May Allah bless you dear stranger.

It was a week ago when this happens. My mom and I went to the CIMB bank branch where they got a bunch of atm, cdm, cheque deposit machines.. I was a little preoccupied with my paying my topup for my phone, I wasn't really took close detail of my surrounding.  Which I guess was destined to be.

So after that we went to go the market (or planning to) when my mom realise her purse is not in her handbag and another realisation hit her that she left it right on top of the atm machine!! Although, there was very little money, my mom panicked. Somehow I was calm. I was basically trying to finish my Ma'thurat recitation and somehow I thought her purse is probably still there. I also was preoccupied before that I should've more courage to give my small change to the poor person outside the bank but there were so many people around which made me shy to give in public.

When we reached the bank, I stayed in the car. My mom went out. It was until a few minutes later she didn't came back that it hit that perhaps it's true that someone may took her purse when she left it. She got back & I know from her face that her purse wasn't there. My mom asked my to recite the dua for things we had lost & recited it all the way home.

We got to our house, my mom went in first and found her purse right on the table!! Ma Sha Allah, turns out a minute before my mom and I arrive home, someone came to our house saying they found this purse left it and the bank and wondering if this is the right address (lucky my mom updated her identity card according to our latest home. I still haven't.) My brother who was at home just said it was <my mom's name> house, took the purse and said thank you. We complained a bit to him like really that's all you could've done?? At least ask for their name or number so we can thanked them properly. But, I guess Allah made them anonymous for a reason.

So stranger, thank you & best dua to you. Aamiin.

Pray my mom to not be forgetful too (and her daughter),

The Girl in a Hood

Last day of practical at Allcare Pharmacy (and a little somersault).

You know what? I couldn't even remember the title I wanted to write because I got distracted with Zain Abu Kautsar recitation of surah Al-Waqiah. It kinda makes you feel to just take a stop and just listen. Comforting. And... I've just finished eating the lasagna I'd made yesterday (which I wanted to make since like few months ago, and I only yesterday I did. Lol.). I thought it was like a only a B+ yesterday, but I can't seem to stop eating it today! It's so yummy but probably not something I can afford making every month. Cheese are soooo expensive! But lasagna is soooo yummy. *internal conflict*

Btw, a bit of a funny thing. You know when you buttering the pan to bake, you kinda want to shake the butter of the spoon. And I find it so funny that the butter like did a small somersault in the air before landing on the pan. Oh so me.. Finding the small things funny.

(I'm basically scrapping my plate now, wondering if I should take some more of this lasagna...)

I've finished my practicals last Sunday (and now it's Wednesday, and I haven't get started on my log book. Oh god I'm such a procrastinator.). I learned a lot throughout my practicals. I would like to stay & learn more, but sometimes giving yourself to do other things are just as great. Nevertheless, Abg M & Puan F, said maybe I can do a part time job at the pharmacy which I so would like to do. Hope I get the job, I kinda need the money too. It also makes me proud a bit. I thought they would think I'm not really a good employee candidate (again I'm insecure of my differences), but I guess they though otherwise.

Overall, everyone was kind and sweet. I enjoyed my stay there. Plus, not to mention there are almost always kids around at the pharmacy which I love taking care of (Hence, I'm planning next time maybe maybe I can ask for a job at the kindergarten near my house.) And I didn't expect everyone to buy me presents. Like A gave me a cute chinese keychain and F bought me some bombolone as gifts. Even, Puan F and her family bought us all some McD chicken. I was so touched and in a way, loved. <3 Thank you everyone.

Thank you everyone,

The Girl In A Hood

Kissing blood

An updates on what I did in the past few days..

To see how productive my life is. Lol.

6th of July (Saturday)
Out & about with the international students. A trip to Malacca! We were suppose to be the tour guide but I guess along the way the committees got a little too excited about exploring the city. Acah acah tourist. Haha. First time (I think) eating at a Baba Nyonya restaurant. The food was good and I have to say that I'm touched that the non-muslim tried hard to find a halal restaurant at Jonker street. I'm grateful to be there because if it's me alone would be like fish out of water. A muslim malay girl wondering in a chinese street with restaurants selling non-halal stuffs. What a scene it would be. And the trip goes on... Ohhh & the street art during the Malacca river cruise was so cool! Wish I had artsy skills. But the very highlight of the trip. Me walking straight into the glass sliding door at the middle of the night. Sure was so dumb of me. My upper lips stings before I touched it in the dark realising it bleeding. My nose bridge stills hurts a bit (my nose went flat as I bump into the glass). With intention of praying jama' takhir before I arrived home (because if I enter the area, it would consider I missed maghrib). Oh well, things happened.

7th of July (Sunday)
Visiting my aunt's house for a little 'majlis kesyukuran' and went to our old house for a bit of cleaning. Something I should note to myself. Fixing the wooden tile floor. Achievement accomplished! Haa. XD I wore a dress I hadn't worn in like 4 years. So grateful I managed to declutter my wardrobe. Even I'm not the shopping type of girl, I still have quite a lot. I try to kept what I really need & want. I'm grateful though, some can't even afford clothes. Alhamdulillah. Oh I got off topic. About our old house. It seemed so different. I hope in time, the house is nice-in up for rent (I know nice-in up is not a real word. Bear with me. Haha.). And H cut his toe. The old tv crash on his toe. Ouch. He cried & apologise for it. I told him a real man is one who can cry. :)

8th of July (Monday)
I forgot pretty much what I did on Monday. Did I declutter my wardrobe on Monday or Tuesday? Okay, definitely Monday. Lol. I tried sorting all my hijabs & non-formal attire ones. I also did some batik cakes to sell at my mom's school on Monday (it sold out btw. Alhamdulillah.). Ohhh. I forgot. This day was when I felt so high in the morning. Like today was gonna be a good day. Yada yada. Haha. Still, quite productive.

9th of July (Tuesday)
Cooked fried rice for breakfast. Went out with D for lunch & movie date! We watched Spider-Man: Far From Home. Tbh, I hoped the movie wasn't so predictable. So it was a little waste on my money because normally movie this type is great enough to be watch at home (just an opinion). But overall, it was kinda good. I haven't even watch Endgames. D scolded me for that. Haha. Back home & had a lovely pizza surprise! Yum! Did some of my work at night.

10th of July aka today (Wednesday)
Today today today.. Had pizza for breakfast. Cooked rice, blackpepper chicken & omelette for lunch. Read 5 Tahun 5 Bulan, blogs & TLL. Played Duolingo. Made another batches of batik cake to sell. I didn't expect people to buy the first one. Still so grateful. I hope it continues to get sold out. It means much to me even earning an extra 1 or 2 ringgit means a lot. That reminds me to buy the ingredients to make the next batches next week!

So that's a wrap! I hope I can pluck the strength to continue writing this blog. It means a lot to future me that likes to reflect. I'm still healing, but I'm still very proud of myself in just 6 months I progress this much. I wish sometimes the feeling that I miss the memories it's not there like now, when I write this (which I stopped me for a few seconds from writing). Tough much? Not really. I can easily turn down the feeling which for me is an accomplishment. :)

What the hell I'm even writing..

The Girl in a Hood

Tawakkul

I'm writing this because I think it's not just mere coincidence. Today, I come across tawakkul a few times.

First from the book of 'The Art of Letting God'. Second, from FaceBook. Third from Youtube, this video.

So what is tawakkul? Perfect complete trust in Allah. Simple. Allah is Al-Wakeel, whom we rely, we trust.

And this is what I must do.

Trust Allah fully in His plans.

You can do it!

The Girl in A Hood

Content & happy.

Ramadhan Day 29: One day left.. :(

Ramadhan pass by so fast. Tonight's gonna be last night for tarawikh, tomorrow gonna be the last night for fasting. I've nearly reach most of my goals so pat in the shoulder for me. XD But there are few things I definitely wanted to try, so I'll try next year. #pinkypromise

It's been a few days since last day of uni, I got back by car with S & kak M on Saturday right after exams. And tbh, that day was the happiest and most content day I've ever been in a while. It was perfect. Being surrounded by family, talking non stop with them, good food, good laughs, smiles. I'm really grateful.

But now at this moment, I'm already bored. Haha. When you are so used *L came* to being busy & when you're not. You don't know what to do. Lol. I had to retrace the things I always wanted to do, so that's why I'm here!

Happy holiday everyone!

The Girl in A Hood

What happens when a pharmacy student study business..

Ramadhan Day 18: Entering the last third... Huhu.

I've just finished my Pharmacy Management & Administration paper last Monday. Now it's Wednesday & I'm preparing for my Herb Med paper tomorrow. Hope it goes well. Aamiin.

One thing I realised about studying this subject. It's sooo plain & booooring. Yup. Indeed. 

And that made me so grateful that I'm not studying business well I'm grateful I ended in this course. But I remember how much I love science & how creative the world of science is. 

Pharmacy is the best choice indeed.

Despite the rough journey getting here.

I think it's worth it.

Another reason to be grateful,

The Girl in a Hood

P/S: Guess I should tick off business or marketing as my postgraduate choice.

The box of mineral water: Funny story

Ramadhan Day 10: 20 days left :(

Welcome May, welcome Ramadhan!  I know it's my first update of the month, but who cares. *read in the howdy diggity voice* Haha.

Just a little update before we go into the story. This month, I manage to accompany my Abah to Terengganu (with lots of spills. opps), 2 days quick break at home with fam with nooo assignments (very grateful for this one) and meeting my counselor teacher for our last class (personal session which I learn much of my inner core is back on track & strength, full of positive vibes & happiness).

My finals starts tomorrow afternoon. Anddd I'm not fasting. I'm waiting for my fave instant noodles to be ready to eat. So that's the summary.

Going on to the story.

Last week, I bought a box of mineral water and of course, it's heavy. So I left it downstairs.

A few days after, I took 3 bottles of out it. But still leaving it there.

Another few days later, some of the bottles vanished (I think 2 bottles) & a RM 4 is in the box!

Someone bought my bottles of water without me wanting to sell it! At first, I was like oh no, it's not gonna be enough water for me to last. Thennn...

I look around & realised no single box of water (that used to be on each levels) are not there!

No wonder this person bought the water.

The whole situation occur to be funny to me. But hey, I gain a RM 4 without me planning it & I helped someone to quench perhaps their indescribable desire thirst for water.

Lesson learned: Sometimes you have to look around, and then you understand why. :)

But really, can I give back the RM 4, you can take this water anytime for free. XD

Ramadhan story,

The Girl in a Hood

Baitul muslim course? Passed!

Guess what? I'm writing this a week after I went to the baitul muslim course. Lol.

This was so unexpected of me to go but somehow Allah turn the events for me to go. So yeah..

Even I'm probably not getting married in this life. But at least I did others things except marriage so I wouldn't think of it again in the future.

So.. Checked on this one. XD

The pre-marrital course was interesting btw. But most stuff I already learn from school.

Thinking back. I was already tick the box on knowledge. Haha.

So pity I'm not gonna use it.

Oh well.

Life is life.

Whatever Allah gives for me, is the best for me. :)

At least my family is happy for me..

Uhuh,

The Girl in A Hood

My first photobooth pics//Pharmily Day 2019!

My third Pharmily Day and probably my last one. Huhu.The theme is divergent & I'm team Erudite! There were many games but I lose in the ones I played. Lol. The box of fears & i can't remember game was seriously so tough!

Nevertheless, I got my first & second photbooth pics! Despite I didn't get to take pictures with the whole batch. :(

I'm gonna insert the pics here later, okay!

Lots of love & beautiful memories,

The Girl in A Hood

Everything that comes from Him, will return to Him.

*in tears*
I open my WhatsApp, ten minutes ago saying to myself I should check my phone more often.

My family group chat:

My father said that Aiko is in critical condition before 9.

Seeing that WhatsApp, I called my father saying that is it fine to tell H about her now? It's probably gonna affect him a lot because Aiko is much reason of his happiness and he's always asking how is she when she's away instead of us. I know it's funny but.. Haha.

And my father said..

She's gone.

Just a while ago.

In the car.

They (Abah+Ibu+I) bringing her to the clinic this morning but it wasn't opened yet. They went to do some errands and found that she's already dead.

I hold back my tears on the phone, even on the brink. The call ended, and the build-up tears fall from my eyes.

I'm so grateful that Allah gave me a chance to be with her on my recent break while giving me clues that her time was near. I got told off by I for telling him that she has might have little chance so take care of her but I just want them to treat her while they still can.

I'm sorry for H because he couldn't meet her before she's gone. His holiday is in another week. I'm sorry too for Aiko for not being able to always treat her well when she's sick for long.

Thanks Aiko for being the reason of our laugh, our joy, our complains for the surprises you giving to us. Thank you for being you that is: the moody cat who wants to do her own stuff, to the one who clingy for all attention. The cat that can do all sorts of gymnastic yoga movements. The so confident cat who struts on the street for all the male cats to see. The demanding cat that wants to eat baby food and drink water from our cups. You're such a baby and a queen. You know it. Haha. Thank you for being beside us when we do our jamaah prayer & zikr. Thank you for more than the 4 years memories. May Allah bless you.

Best prayers,

The Girl in A Hood

I forgot I have class!

Seriously, how on earth did I thought counselling class was on Wednesday instead of today?? 

Really.

I feel so freaking bad that I'm getting stressed out here.

I know it's just a skill class but it's different from choosing not to go to class(which I never unless really needed) and missing the class.

All I can do is calm down, zikr, calm down, zikr.

You didn't do it on purpose. Your phone was on low, you couldn't check your phone, so you unintentionally forget. 

This happens to everyone so don't freak out. 

Play it cool, okay?

Missing 1 class, is not gonna lose your marks. 

Probably should not have said that.

Chill, just chill.

You got this.

Happy 1st post for April. Lol.

The Girl in A Hood

Starting Qur'an journaling//notes or actually trying to XD

We had a Friday off! So Alhamdulillah for that! Because we rarely do get Friday off. But it's like 30 minutes before today ends. So huhu for that.

I'm writing here basically talking what I spent my time today.

Timeline:

6.20 a.m: Miss tahajud. :(

10.50 a.m: Woke up after sleeping back at 8. 

11.30 a.m: Instant noodles.

12.30 p.m: Drafting my Qur'an Journal - Al-Fatihah from Daily Qur'an Lessons by Ustadha Taimiyyah Zubair (link here).

5.30 p.m: Bought myself Mocha as an early treat. Lol. 

7.40 p.m: Basically just finish the notes.

9.30 p.m: Washing my clothes. *feeling extremely extremely exhausted + start wondering about the Palestinian kids who haven't eaten for days because I was so hungry*

10.00 p.m: Dinner.

11.30 p.m: Blogging.

The story here is that probably last Tuesday I guess I watch a video on Youtube with Aliza Kim on it (I really don't know she exists before this. I like her already! She speaks my heart. Lol.). And somehow I found out about the Daily Qur'an Lesson on her channel (which I love as well!). So with much motivation to learn about the Qur'an and my artsy side who just woke up from hibernating, very excited me can't wait to start to do this!! Buuuttt doing notes taking loads of time! Huhu. Really. And I feel famish by the end of it. But the good side is that, I think I'm starting to get the hand of it. Also on the good side, I concentrate better in my solat today! I would love to do it again. But let's see.

And.. Now I'm eyeing on Zebra Mildliners to make my notes complete. *money flying (probably back to me. I'm so lame at jokes)*

2 minutes later.. Peeking inside the book, feeling so proud of myself. So me. *roll eyes*

Pray for me to be istiqmah & make time for this!

The Girl in a Hood

The Tale of 6 Mice.

We had our CNS lab yesterday.We had to deal with mice where this time around is not so pleasant thing to do.. Because we had to test their pain tolerance with and without analgesic. Physical and chemical pain by putting them on hot plate & injecting with acetic acid. Poor creatures. :( I was trying to be gentle with them, but in the end two of them died (not because of mishandle but rather some of us probably feed them wrongly (needle feed to trachea). I went to the restroom and back with one pale dead & put in the beaker. Poor mouse nmbr 1. But it was not us the feed or inject the mice though... Weird. Another thing was the mice that died were limping (we noticed around the time we inject acetic acid). It must have been miserable for them. Seeing them holding their pain in. My friends says I'm like 'mama' for the mice. But I really think that the mice are a little nicer to me than the others. I still remember poor mouse nmbr 6, who bleed which the injection should not have done that. I saw mouse 3 breathing it's last breath, I thought for a second it was gonna be alive after a stroke & talk to it. Then, a few minutes later starting breathing again & moving. But I know it's end has come anyways. :(

To all the mice I tend yesterday, thank you for the chance. :)

Inna lillahi wainna ilaihi rajiun.

The Girl in a Hood

P/S: I got his SPM's results today. It's sad seeing my brother is like that. He needs to up his spirit again.

Pathophysiology of Sin

Tonight there's this Biah Solehah Campaign opening ceremony which there was a talk given by Dr Che An called "Pathophysiology of Sin". Sounds so typically scientific. I didn't go to the talk with the thought that I catch up with studying. Which I did. Kinda.

But being me, I was distracted by the Internet (but I still I can still finish this one Anti Cancer lecture. Btw, I finished one the afternoon before.). So IPhA put the talk on FB live & surprisingly it was very nice talk. I smiled & laughed during the talk even it was supposed to be serious. But still, I learned a lot.

And then a few moments later, I clicked on an AA video titled "We all sin". Coincidence much hey. Which is why I decided to write my baby wondering thoughts.

We all sinned. Every single day. Just differently.

No body can escape this fact. We are all sinners. 

But what's the best thing is that we can make taubah & try again. 

Taubah, erase our sin. Ma Sha Allah, what a gift that is?

Try again. If we failed try again. Again & again.

We don't want syaitaan to win here, right? We want to go to Jannah, right? We want to be better, right?

For me, I have my own sins. No doubts. Some I try again and again to win the battle for years.

But trust it's worth it to never give up.

*Abah phone calls*

Self-reflect,

The Girl in a Hood

Saying 'I Love You To Your Siblings' Challenge.

When saying love you is so common in your family. Still you mean every single word. May Allah grant us jannah with the ones I love. Credit to AA Sisterhood for the challenge, I had fun reading the comments!

Uhibukafillah abadan abada habibi,

The Girl In A Hood

20 ml of blood :O

So the Monday 18th Feb 2019, we had to go to the hospital for our Hep C & HIV Screening. Can't imagine if we are found to have any of those, our career is long gone. But it's an STD, so it's not likely possible.

We went by S's car which early (we were supposed to arrive at 4 but arrived way before that). None of our friend were there (said so we were the earliest). So originally they had to take only 8ml of our blood (4 for each test), but because of the Schizophrenia thing, they took an additional 12 ml.

The needle stuck so long in our arms!! But Alhamdulillah it was only once. Phew.

So that's that. And interestingly, Y & R both got their period a week late. Hrmm.

Gotta chow. Sleepy.

The Girl in A Hood

How to treat others..

Super short update In Sha Allah. Study is stressing me out. Ughh CNS anatomy... Huhu.

So I was watching this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46AFZX3hnCw & it reminds me why I'm kind to others until one of my friends advice me to not be so kind. But I just can't you see, even if others do bad stuff to me, I can't do the same to them. I just suck it in, smile & lots of prayers for them. :)

Another motivation to stay kind..

And coincidently, I comes to my room with the chocolate & 100 ringgit I lent it to her with a sweet sticky notes saying "Thank you for always helping me. :)". 

Isn't that sweet?

May Allah always grant me a big heart to always be kind & help others. Aamiin!

Pay kindness with kindness, pay injustice with kindness too.

The Girl in A Hood

Stretch marks..

Calling my dad for a sec... Wait..

10 minutes should be enough to squeeze in this post. In Sha Allah.

*yawning (sleepy for no reason)*

So a few days ago (Sunday to be exact),  my roommates plus I were talking & I butt in. It happened that there were talking about stretch marks..

To my surprise, none of them have stretch marks which I always thought that it's so common for people to have. Also, a reason to it is because my body is toned & people can actually feel my muscle while my friends are soft & squishy (which also surprises me). Squishy might not be the appropriate word but oh well that's what they claimed.

Well as for me, I have loads. I still remember when I was 14 I was so shocked to see my body full of "tiger scratches". I didn't thought it was a thing for some girls until I was like 18 or something. At that time, I thought it was normal & very logical. I was  skinny girl & a year of puberty hit me to stretch in places I used to be so thin. Hence, the "tiger scratches".

Not to help, but not I am actually a little insecure about it. Unless if I don't get married, what will my he thinks of all the "tiger scratches".  *nervous laugh* Probably I might considered not getting married at all as an option, but I know it's me just being insecure. Haha. Lol. Maybe that person will think the marks are cool like I'm a jungle girl.

But nevertheless, I still think I'm beautiful in my own skin, body even it is full of flaws but really it's what Allah given to me & the flaws just makes me absolute the more unique me. I could never ask for something more perfect. <3 Alhamdulillah.

Perfectly created by the perfect & only Creator,

The Girl in a Hood

Drifting with the (basket)ball...

I stupidly nearly forgot I had to update my blog. So much for my resolutions, if I'm not gonna stick with it. Lol.

6 pm I was planning to print out my notes in the photocopy centre, until the person before me said she's gonna take a long time & the shop closes at 6.30. I'm not gonna make the worker wait for me to finish when it's my turn & take up her precious rest time. So I'll print it some other time. I was not hungry yet (although I already bought dinner) & I feel I wanna do some thing else.

That's when in a couple of minutes, changed my clothes, picked up my 3 months (probably due) basketball from I's room & by 6.20 I was at the court. Minding my own business, playing the ball like old times, reminiscing thru thoughts & memories (including the old memories me playing basketball at night). When I noticed a girl trying to come up to me. So I said to her with a smile "Like to join?".

And with that we played with whole long conversation about study, sports & of course a little 1-2 questions about my cp. I guess you can't run from people being curious & she's very nice sweet girl. Perhaps I'll meet again next time In Sha Allah. Not to forget, thanks to her I can put my mind off a bit. I feel so like mad today which I rarely do & I don't want to stay mad & upset. Probably it'll go away tomorrow. :)

It's been a year since me time & basketball. Miss you ball. <3

This weeks reflection. Done!

The Girl in A Hood

What cerebral palsy taught me...

Okay, so I was just thinking of writing this down before the idea of this evaporates.. Cerebral palsy. Yeah, I have cerebral palsy. For it is a have not an am. Like it's not who I am or defines who I am but it's more of like a part of me. For instance, I am a muslim. That's because it's who am I (obviously not a perfect one but yeah). Funnily I came across this term last year around July I think. I know that I have hemiplegia but the broad term of it.. I didn't.

And another funny thing is that it's actually quite common (especially when comparing to other disease & stuff). I know for quite some time that ateriovenous malformation (which is the cause of my disability

Pause. Even the term disability is controversial & they're changing to differently abled because not all in fact so many people with disability is pretty much capable, living like any normal abled bodies but stigma seems that the word disability means disable incapable but so so wrong. I wish I perhaps can be one of the many that proves them that they are wrong. :)

Okay to the point.)

is a 1 in 10000 but for it to burst is a another one in thousand because others usually are undetected. I'm very lucky in fact to be living over what I think is minor causality. It could have been much worse. My whole body have paralyse or I could've been mentally retarded or I could've died. It could've rupture when I'm in the womb & result in more severe disability. But no it didn't. And I'm grateful for that or having this in the first place. It taught me so much, gave me hardships which I grow strong.

What I wanted to write was way different than what I'm writing now. Just a short note, my disability affects me more when I'm more focus or aware of it. When I'm not, my body is much more relax that I have the capability to control over it without even me realising it sometimes. So one of the lesson here is that let Allah be the source of control of our life. I don't need to push myself so hard, instead sometimes letting go of the wheel & just enjoy the ride.

Funny face,

The Girl in A Hood

Fact: Every 2 or 3 out of every 1000 children have cerebral palsy.

The Realistic 2019 Goals

What better way to kick-start 2019 with some goals, right?

Big Advise to Dear Self:
Invest in yourself first, in that way you can be better for others. Explore, discover & develop yourself. If  you are meant to break, you're gonna come up stronger, wiser & better (imagine butterfly/bird's egg). If you fail, start again. If not today, tomorrow. Restart as many times you need, things will get better even with little small steps. Don't worry about things that are not in our control Allah always always knows what is best for you. Be true to yourself. Relation changes. Nothing is stagnant because that is the nature of life always changing, moving. If we are stick at one point in our life, we're not living.

Continue writing on 2th Jan, currently still grieving. But I admit it's hard to go through this stage. I can feel dull pain on my nerves all around my body and it hurts badly. I think I need to explore a bit more why it's hard for me to let go. Even it seems like it takes a longer time, but every day I am becoming better! You got this S! Your cries are shorter, you stay more focus now. Isn't that an achievement? Found this at AA video. Rasulullah pbuh has said that, "the matter of a believer is strange. All his matters are good. If something pleasing befalls him he thanks (Allah) and it becomes better for him. And if something harmful befalls him he is patient and it becomes better for him. And this is only for the mukmin. [Muslim] Which is strange because most time when I am positive (& not my depressed self now) fits this. To become better! Yeah!

So I already wrote in on my notepad, and there are several categories to this. So here goes!

Continue on 7th Febuary 2018. Lol. Way to go S.

Deen
-Be more keen on mutabaah amal
-Memorise/murajaah 1 page in 2 weeks instead of 1 month
-Be more consistent on praying on time (been slacking a bit, so yeah)
-Less/better no music (trying to memorise the Qu'ran here!)

Business
Revamp HS to a more share & building community thing instead of business (probably still thinking on what to do).

Financial
Save RM 50/month to muamalat account. No touching the money unless really necessary.

Travel
To Singapore (& Thailand)! (Probably solo, let's see). Make plans on saving, budget, when, what to do & all.

Relation
Always always focus & put Allah first, but still be the caring person I am (also wiser). Remember it's nice to be nice, but wiser to be wise.

Self-Development
-Learn German more intensively.
-Read 1 book a month (maybe also a review).
-Write a blog post every week consistently! Set the same time each week.
-Less sleeping during the day, more quality sleep during the night.
-Learning a new skill? Trying to think still. XD

Study
Intention is because of Allah, but nothing wrong as pushing harder to make parents proud, so go go!

Responsibility
-Register as an organ donor.
-Open an investor account (research first!).

Fresh start!

The Girl in A Hood