2018 in a nutshell.

It's currently 7.07 a.m, I'm actually so proud of myself this year. So many big life-changing things has happened and I'm so proud of how much I'd grown although with blood & tears. Lol. So following to last year 10 questions from Aida Azlin, here's Sarah 2018 in a run.

1. Name three words that best describe my 2018.
Pain, tears, & grateful.

2. Biggest lesson you've learned this year.
Every person we meet is destined by Allah & whatever ultimately happens is what Allah plans best for us. We meet & got to know because of Him & we depart because of Him too. Isn't that beautiful? And to trust our guts (but let's really see about this one).

3. Biggest change I did this year.
Instead of did but without choice is being emotionally vulnerable.

4. Best decision I made this year.
Generally becoming a better muslim by setting a routine//daily goals & tried very hard although imperfect to stick with it such as sadaqah mathurat 2 times a day, tilawah & hafazan & to wake up for tahajud everyday just to thank Allah for blessing me with everything He has given in life including the biggest test which made me stronger & more striving to become a better person. Also making constant dua to really letting go of something (more specifically is someone) and this time around Allah directly answer all my dua, which today I finally get my relief. Farewell to you. Alhamdulillah.

5. Best single achievement I made this year.
Solo travel to Medan & really travelling solo made a big difference. A deff eye opener.

Continue writing at 6 pm...

6. Who helped you get through 2018.
Really all help comes from Allah, and I owe so much through the people that He sent especially my dad and I've grown closer to my mom which if things never happen I'll never be closer to my mom. So Alhamdulillah for that.

7. Which worry was unnecessary this year?
Although I think it's necessary but I don't think it was right to overworry things that Allah has already set. One day there will be someone who truly loves me for me and Allah knows when the best time is. I just have to live life happy being single which I forgot but actually love to be single & just focus becoming a better person before actually meeting anyone.

8. How did you grow emotionally this year?
I guess you have to break yourself into pieces first before becoming incredibly strong. Generally learn to detach from worldly things, although it's some people I think I really need in life so I don't really want them to leave yet but learning over and over again that everything is Allah's and truely if we did our best we can meet again in Jannah. For now, I pray always that especially my family to be kept safe under His care & when the time come for us to really part is that we're surely meet in Jannah. So for that reason also, I'm really striving to be a better person & constantly making dua that the people in my life will always be better muslims too.

9. Happiest moment of 2018.
Umrah with family. Wallahi that's the best gift ever. I hope can do it again. Spending my birthday with family. I think that's the second best gift I ever received.

10. Saddest moment of 2018.
Failing to protect the one I wanted to protect and letting go (I cried almost every day since that day).

Every year things get a bit better along with the bad bits. But Allah knows what is best. I just need to pray & strive.

Until we met again in my memories, farewell 2018.

This time (as) S.

22 random reasons to love my 22th birthday + birthday wishes screenshots!

Writing this on 25th December (haven't study for GIT yet btw which is the on 27th).

1. Realising my birthday a little later than past half 12 in the bathroom.
2. Getting birthday wishes from my family (without H & I) in the dark (literally).
3. Sleeping besides my mother & sister (all in 1 room with my father & L).
4. My mother woke me up for tahajud because of my alarm.
5. Dedicating my first hajat prayer for the day for my family.
6. Getting 2 chocolate bars as gifts for my birthday & gifts food from my friends.
7. Got a lot of meaningful birthday wishes (and the sweetest one from M), even in the bathroom!
8. Spending today with my family (& crying later).
9. Laughing at how my brother H wishes me for my birthday.
10. Reading lectures notes for Endo in the car.
11. Observing the beaches patterns of shells & sea in Terengganu.
12. Kissing & hugging my adopted grandmother (she cried when it's time for us to go).
13. Reminded of how concern others are on my disability & how grateful I am for them.
14. Feeding a stray cat (eat of chips from my hands!).
15. Sharing my chips with others.
16. Getting asked on what I want for my birthday & there's nothing more I can ask for than spending it with my family.
17. Eating (perhaps) lunch at the beach which the goreng tepung taste the fried banana batter.
18. Seeing how young love is even when we are old.
19. Visiting my adopted grandparents.
20. Being the first to shower in the morning.
21. (Still) crying for his happiness & finally acknowledging that I miss him.
22. Didn't expect that I'm finally 22.

The only dissapointment is not getting my birthday wish for I. Well...

Birthday wishes screenshots (WhatsApp only)!!

Feeling blessed,

The Girl in A Hood

A day out//Birthday surprise!

So the end of the semester classes has come! Ended on Thursday to be fact (yipee!). And had our first PT OSCE this week (probably should blog about it).

So Friday is off day for rx15. What's up? A day out with my best buddy, I. :)

Went to sushi, got into a good conversation (I'm still wow by how we can just talk like we were still as close as we used too when we sit together, not in a bad way. But the distance did us good.),  first time the matcha ice cream. Liked it! Except the 'kacang merah ball/paste' at the bottom. Then went to watch Fantastic Beast (the 2nd movie) with popcorn yeay! Luckily we bought the caramelised regular one (it was enough for both us on). Oh great, now I'm craving for some popcorns! :( Then went to Watsons, bought moisturiser (trying out a cream, Wardah Aloe Moisturiser, so far not liking it much. Huhu. My face feels so rough!!). And bought such moisturing face mask (kinda like it, since I got no irritation & felt supple). And lastly ended with Tea Live.

When we were at Tea Live, I checked my messages, and happened that my usrahmate are gonna meet up at supposingly 5.30 (ended up at 6.30) at Lebak. I've got carbonara & I was still hungry. F & D happened to be late becauseeee they were actually buying mango cheesecakes for the birthday girlsss. It was kinda funny actually that the place sells the exact cheesecakes but they went all the to Kuantan, got into a traffic jam & bought there instead. N come a little late. Sometimes I feel like they're the ones closest to my hearts, because our hearts are connectly with islamic love unlike other friendship. XD

I love birthdays,

The Girl in a Hood

2nd time OSCE// 1st time CBL

I'm just too lazy!! Literally. I'll update later. Lol.

Too lazy to be lazy.

Wow, S. Just wow.

How did you just become so so lazy that you lazy to be lazy? It's that is logical to begin with.

I need to reorganise. Pronto. Do a to-do list, pickup the mood. Stop proscrastinating. Remember your mission. Shampoo your hair, clean your room, scrub your face. Just do it.

Pickup yourself S. Don't waste time anymore.

Start blogging, at the very least.

The blog post you wanted to write like a month ago. Haha, yes. Stop pampering yourself!!! Really.

Okay, a little life update.

It's been 2 weeks since mid semester break. So since last week, we had IBG. Rx15 is running for 2nd place, which I'm so so proud of. And.... Somehow our batch is stuck with an Entrepreneurship-compulsory Workshop for 2 days, which is just great because I wanted to just chill this weekend (which I realise I'm just too chill) because last week I spent going back & forth the Sport Complex (and went grocery shopping last Sunday). Oh & this evening we have our closing for IBG, and AGM is 2 days away (if not mistaken). Abah went & back from Bangladesh this week.

Btw, did I say I love IIUM's website for all the multicultural graduation picture?? Oh I love my uni.

Currently listening: One day by Maher Zain (vocals only).

Really, S.

The Girl in A Hood

Change of Plan.

Writing this on 18th October November 2018, because I procrastinate a lot. A lot.

Okay, so the weekend of 20 to 21st October, Kak Sya has planned for us to meet Khim the very Sunday. (Is it just me, or this clay mask is making my face super itchy???) (Had to wash it off.) And I was prepared for it. We were gonna go by morning, back the very night. And we're gonna have quiz on Monday.

But it never happened. Because the very Friday Kak Sya scratched her one of her eye (which she had lasic during the summer holiday), which resulted in her couldn't even open her eyes, because it was too painful. I was so worried, and help all I could.

So much I learnt that weekend.

1. I care. That's just who I am. Caring, for everyone. From how I try to help Kak Sya, I knew.
2. Our eyes are so precious. I couldn't imagine being blind. And how helpless I would be, if I am.
3. It's worth giving up for others. No matter how you want it. Like how I tried to persuade Kak Sya to try buy tickets early, but ended up giving up for her opinion (the hikmah is I save money & her money too).

Back to His Plans,

The Girl in A Hood

From a mistake to joy.

I was thinking that it was funny, so here's a blog post for it. XD

Today my Indonesia friend wanna visit our room (btw, today is Syamira's birthday + 1st clean room practice aka was super nervous but Allah helped as always, Alhamdulillah + Quiz online Endo which was fair, I would say, need more study power. Go go!), but I didn't know she wasn't gonna bring her other friends along. In other means, she's gonna come alone. 

As I presumely a good host, I cleaned my room & bought some food and drinks which in it is 10 vitagens. When she said she's gonna come alone. I was like Oh-oh. What a waste of money (more even because I'm on a budget constraint. Huhu. Business hasn't been good. :( ) I thought of drinking most myself, but then I thought of offering to my batchmates by putting in at the usrah area.

As soon as I told everyone there's vitagen, there was literally commotion. The loud noise made me sneak a peek. Haha. If I knew, I would've put much more of the drinks. Oh well. At least I made 5 girls happy. Unexpected joy, ey?

Funnily, this relates so much in a bigger scope.

Smiling,

The Girl in A Hood

First week back + Maal Hijrah // Nuclear kids gathering 2.0

Supposingly I wanted to blog yesterday 11th of September but oh well. Coincidently it's the same day as Maal Hijrah. Interesting dates. Class for the second week just started today, we had 4 days straight of holiday. Kak Zinnirah (Yaya) anak Mak Teh got married last weekend, Ibu wanted me to go the very last minute but I couldn't get the tickets even if I wanted to (which to be sorry, I wanted to say in IIUM).

One way or another, I had to tell the truth answer to him. I still cry for God sake. If only I could be honest and tell him everything. But one day when the time comes, he'll forget about me, move on and get married. And I have to move on to. If he knows how much I care that stepping away from him life is best way to show I care for him as I know he deserves someone much better than I am.

So that's that about that. Going on to Monday event (10th Sept), I had few interesting things to say but I forgot most. So here's just the highlight:

• Made oreo agar2 or bledo (Kelate) for first time
• Nuclear kids new and old at Dr's new house
• The house is gorgeous! Although I wouldn't say it's my homey home home type.
• The food was nice. Potato salad (although not as good as I remember), parsley rice, turkish stew, ice cream and apple crumble!
• The starbucks souvenirs cups of cities in the world! I love it. Wish I still can travel someday!

That's pretty much it I guess. Have to wake up early! Tahajud goals!! Why my period is so damn near?!!

Next post is on SEP, Ia

The Girl in A Hood

An update.

I'm planning to write about my Indonesian student exchange trip tomorrow In Shaa Allah. It was amazing, I love my whole time there.

Tbh, I don't feel like updating but I still I feel obligated to do. I regret had to private my blogs for reason, and these days I'm just wondering if I should just like write a journal instead of blogging. This been on my mind, because of my style of blogging and for privacy. It's just that I love blogging still, and it's always better to keep things virtual so I don't have to worry of my journal to get lost or something.

Still, that's that.

Aidil Adha is less than a few days now, so everyone's at home. H has got his university offer, UPM but changed to UTeM, my father's uni. I guess everyone is as normal, but me? Idk. Normal but weird, haha. Gosh, I love my family Ya Allah, I don't think without them I could bring myself back. I'm so grateful.

Lazy update,

The Girl in A Hood

I've tried my best.

Written in the future.

I'm getting way better nowadays and slowly my new self. My old self died but well..

I don't really know if I want to rant but I think it would help my healing progress. I know it's gonna takes years because he was special to me, but I know by time I will get there.

Meeting him I was doubtful. I was supposed to delete my account but he message which I thought for a few days.

That was a mistake. I tried ways to stop talking to him but I didn't work.

I was also stupid because I realise (in his terms) he 'like' me late. Although I know he don't. He doesn't even know me so that's impossible.

The timing was also great with the lack of sleep, my tight schedule. Ugh. I should've stick to my no. But I had a lot of doubts because if it was any other time, I wouldn't even think about it.

My stay in the masjidil haram was filled with solat hajats and istikharahs. I made a lots of dua for him and my to make the right decision. Eventually, I thought if things with the girl that he's meeting on Eid doesn't work out, maybe I will agree to to talk to him. I secretly prayed that things worked out for him because I was scared and doubtful with him from America. Is this even possible.

So I did talk to him. The timing was also great. Frustratingly great. I had my period just as I sent the first message back to Malaysia which conveniently means when I was thinking that it's a no for me I wanted to wait until I can prayed which also means I was gonna talk to him for a whole week. Knowing myself I don't make big decisions easily.

Did I liked him? Half-half. There were some things I liked and some I don't. Did I cared? A total yes which I concluded in a way I loved him. It wasn't easy for me at that time. I was tired, sad, scared and at the same time trying to control how I felt because I was sure he was not gonna accept me as I am. I wanted things to stop. And when he told me it was difficult for him to accept me as I am, I knew it was my chance to stop things there. I read back and thought he was just being nice when the fact he is wouldn't want to continue. I thought I did a favour by saying to stop here. It's probably hard and embarrassing for him to say so I did. That night in a quite long time finally I slept feeling relieved because things ended.

But I'm stupid wasn't I. My dad caught me crying. That's a huge mistake. Everyone should know I was fine. If my dad didn't know caught me crying he wouldn't never have sent him a message (I got made at my dad for that) and he would never have called.

He cried? That couldn't be true. I couldn't even say anything because I might cry. I was even more dumb to email him after that. Everything was a bunch of lies. Why did I even believe him? Because he cried which changed things 180 degrees. I realised I didn't only just care for him. The whole incident made my feelings submerged. Doesn't he already know that he's the first ever guy to know me and the first non-mahram guy I have feelings. He made things from easy to hard.

Everything was confusing me. The same dream my dad and mom got which both didn't know each other dreams. And the ilusion I saw. How was I gonna move on?

I cared for him. I was worried about him a lot. No guy cry that easily. Even I was so embarrassed I eventually asked his mom and sister if he was fine. They read and never reply. I was starting to think something really bad happened to him and it was my fault.

I was relief when I saw him online. He was alive. I did another stupid thing which lead to another. I wanted him to really badly forget about me and move on. When he posted which I don't even know what that means really.

Everything was confusing me. The same dream my dad and mom got which both didn't know each other dreams. And the ilusion I saw. How was I gonna move on?

Too late I come to realised that I wasn't the girl that he liked. He only like the things I showed without knowing my flaws. He wanted that girl he pictured in his mind to be so perfect this and that. I wished I told some bad things about me as well as the good or better make a terrible so he could run away like a coward.

I blame everything that happened on myself. Hurting someone else especially someone dear to me hurts me the most. Also grieving for a loss. I couldn't do anything but prayed. Almost every single day I prayed for him. Two rakaat of solat hajat for him almost every single day. Asking Allah for someone better for him, that he actually loves, with the things that he wants which is good for him, that'll make him forget everything about me, someone his family will adore, one that wouldn't bring difficulty and hurt like I did, one that can make him smile, that he'll spent his whole life in Jannah. And please please ya Allah for that person to never be me. It hurt me more than ever. I had break downs multiple time in a day. Cried every day. And worse I had to live with pain that spreads to my whole limbs. A pain I had to live by everyday. As if the throbbing pain in my heart wasn't enough. The old me died I never saw myself smile. Every smile I put on feels fake. It was pure torture and I put myself in it because I didn't know what else I have to do.

Eventually the pain was too much. I used every bit of my strength and I had to talk to him. I'm grateful I did because if not, I would never able to heal on my own. He was fine. He was happy. Sometimes these days, I still cry but rarely with the pain has gone and every time I just said to myself 'He's happy. I did my best." stops the crying every time.

I didn't only prayed for him but also his family. I prayed for them to always be blessed, happy, live with ease. Even at one point because I thought his dad was sick, I prayed solat hajat for him. I was so innocent to thinking that a family that actually never cared how my family feelings after being disrespected and all that perhaps the family leader is sick which is why he never called. My poor dad waited a month for them to call but nothing. At least his family is fine.

I know I'm not really a good person. I wished I confess my bads like there were times when I was young that I didn't understand Islam like why I have to pray and why my mom likes to forced me being this and that. There were times I left my prayer. I'm not a pure holy religious person like others. I had my struggles. I rebel at my parents, lazy and all that. Even when comparing I had countless of encounters with non-mahram guys in primary school unlike him.  I'm not as good as him. If only he could see this part of me as well. Plus, with my physical flaw. I'm just a burden and an embarrassment to my family.  I don't him to go through hardship because of me. I want him to be with someone better. I really want that for him. I hope he understands.

I wanted him as a friend but not as a partner. I don't want to be with ever either here or there. But after seeing that he never really cared for me, I don't ever want to be his friend anymore. He's an ungrateful ignorant person that is. I would've been in that situation if it wasn't because of him. I was so worried all the time. In pain.

Now, I want to be by my own. For as long as I can remember, I reassured myself I'm gonna be fine on my own without being married. Up until I was 22 that is. Now I understand why. I'm not gonna hurt anybody else ever again so I just be please I am on my own. Allah is always with me and that's more than enough. Sometimes I think if I didn't have Allah, how was I able to survive the six months of torture I had to went through with no one I could vent to. Every time I think of this, I cry. I really don't have anyone other than Allah.

I have my goals. I want to help. My family first and foremost. The financial crisis my family in. Helping my brothers to become men and at least responsible for the family as well. And as life continues I would always be wanting to help everyone as much as I do. Maybe setting a better healthcare system or full time volunteer dedicating my life to medical crisis. Something I'm so into. As my husband, I always cherish the dream I had when I was 15 playing snow and snow balls fights with someone I felt in my dream is my husband. It's the only thing I have and there wouldn't be any more than that.

Well this is all the past. Even writing this I have to squeeze my memory. I can't remember things and I don't want to. Everything was just a whole loads of pain and there's nothing happy about it. I was better without him, am better without him. He doesn't belong in my life and I don't either. Eventually in the day of Judgement, when we have to testify for each other. You will know. I know I did my best even the impossible so that's good enough.  So..

Goodbye, stranger.

Post Umrah Life.

Today's Tuesday, 2nd day back in the office... The guys are currently renovating the office, the girls are cooking and I'm currently writing because the kitchen doesn't fit me in it. Haha. H is here too, with a bald head.

So.. How is life?

Umrah was spectacular, I will try to blog about it soon In Shaa Allah. A little sick, with a productive cough and sore throat and all which is a little weird because I rarely do have difficulties coughing out my mucus. And work is work, got to relax a bit actually, that's the reason how I managed to find time writing this. Still planning all the stuffs for student exchange, while my own office will be opened back next week In Shaa Allah, hopefully. Because my iphone I use for business broke down during my exams, and I can't really have an alternative now I found out it can't be fix. May Allah ease, please.

And I noticed...

That I changed. I'm being less happy. And why?

Actually, I do have the answer. But I can't tell because I can't be honest. Who thought of that?

Allah, please help.

The Girl in A Hood

Ramadhan update!

I'm currently waiting for my father to pick me up to go home, so I guess I would blog for a bit. It's already the first of June & past half way of Ramadhan.

Still, things changes even just about 10 days from my last blog. Like how I discover things about others which I probably shouldn't have, or actually maybe be it's best that I know. Wallahi, just leave it to Allah. I'm focusing on stuffs other than exams, and things moves on so fast, that I'm actually grateful I'm taking time off from my business. Imagine almost 4 years working all year round, and then taking a break to set back my focus feels so good. Hope it goes well once I'm back, plus I kinda need money.

To be honest, I'm not really feeling this Ramadhan. It's nobody faults but mine, for sure. Like each Ramadhan I would be focus on not listening to Kpop songs and all that, at least try to. But this year, I go with the flow. Taking my time, in a positive way building my journey to be better each day of Ramadhan, instead of bam giving all at the first day. I'm trying, In Shaa Allah.

I'd pack most of my things (mostly books) to bring back home, just leaving a bit like clothes and things I still need to use. Will be home to pack my things for umrah, and go back to finish 3 of my papers. Haha. Let's hope for the best. I can't wait going back home for iftar, tarawikh, and sahur together with my family, nothing better than with family. But deep down, I appreciate things being like this. Me, celebrating Ramadhan by myself away from family, with friends. I got a lot of time to reflect, and like things move on. Like how I miss my younger self celebrating Ramadhan with my whole family, one day I know I will miss my Ramadhan days in my uni. Not just Ramadhan, the things here. Is different.

Can't wait to be home,

The Girl in A Hood

Ramadhan Again//Final Exams

Its already the 5th Ramadhan, Ma Shaa Allah how time flies.

And the semester is ending too, my first paper is in another two days which I just started studying 30 minutes ago.

Honestly, I don't know what I should blog. My life? Well, it's changing.

Ahah, maybe I should tell you guys my Ramadhan plan.

It's not something special but every Ramadhan since I was in form 2, I tried to finish the whole Qu'ran starting from the first juzu' to the last. Of course I failed during my first two years trying. But I was persistant about it, and it become my constant Ramadhan goals.

I also want to be a better person by being closer to the Qu'ran. Everytime reading, I don't know I feel calm, relaxed, like it's only me and the Qu'ran, no rush.

As well, for my other goals it's pretty similar to everyone else.

Oh and something I've been practicing is calling my family everyday, it might seem absurd to some but I was that person that too into doing something else when I'm in other place, that I don't contact my family as often. I figure I should care about them more, reminding that I'm here for them, that I don't mind being contact everyday other than every week. That's something I learnt during the past 1 week PRU holiday. Maybe I should blog about it. Maybe. :)

Wheras for my 'love life', I am certainly in love, keeping myself closer to God. *winks* While that's my intention, I'm still gonna be single for a while.

I need to go for my Zohr prayer, Ramadhan goals right?

The Girl in A Hood

Medical Volunteer Mission to Senderut.

Okay, as always I'm crazy for still writing this when I have an assignment due tomorrow! Aka sterile individual assignment, progress 1%. Pray for me!

Since long time ago, I always wanted to go on a medical volunteer trip in rural areas, no electricity, no internet, no all those techy things and stuffs. And I have to say the chance finally come about 2 months ago, and I just had to give my name (and my roommate, since I'm a noob to this thing), one of the best decision ever.

We had a team of pharmacy of 4 (we're supposed to be 5), and I was the leader, insane! More to that cause I lack of experience. Haha. Glad the team was supporting habis! And yes, we dispense meds under the supervision of a doctor. Which we all are so excited about.

We did quite a lot, from medical care (dispene ubat, yippee!), home visit (with my ameh), jumping off cliffs to the river falls (seriously, I have made respect for what happened), playing tricky mind games until late a night (black magic, lihat sekeliling, pukul nyamuk, apa kaitan, green glass door) , riding 4 wheelers (with Dr Yusuf), getting sick in the middle of the wood (more like toxin fever and gas).

And the orang asli is very nice, I love talking to my ameh (Ibu) and menang (adik) (it's in Bahasa Semai). Learning the language is a struggle but gladly they speak Malay very well. My ameh learn on her own kot! And the one thing I really need to learn to be like them is that they never complain! A single bit. When they're in pain, hard labour, lack of facilities. The way they speak is so nice.

Hope I get to do more of this stuffs again! And meet them again!

Ameh Sainah, menang (Danish?), jangan buhuk ye,

The Girl in A Hood 

Weird but okay la.

I don't know how to explain this and still unsure whether I should tell you guys. The midsemester break left me being tired. It was busy, but it was only one of the factors.

I was kinda cool with it, until the one texted me, on the very last day and I was already on the bus.It was it the bus, made me red, and a lots of prayer. I'm so not use to this. Yeah, this post is about a guy. I for once never text a guy anything not related to work, then him tested me out from my comfort zone.

Until the Saturday, I had no intention of making an istikharah, cause I don't have any feelings and know very well, marriage wouldn't happen in the very very least another one year. I want to keep my heart safe, for him. The one. Now I'm certain I need one (istikharah) to keep my heart in place, and start thinking about it. Time flies, and I'm a soon to be grown up and need to think about these things. I still keep my principles up, I keep our text that day very short and to not talk but only the important things

I don't know much to pray, but I'll definitely have to istikharah and solat hajat perhaps soon (if would be nice to get some tips too). I definitely for one, trust Allah plans so in the mean time, it's still me studying and being single.

I trust Allah,

The Girl in A Hood

Update: I eventually made istikharah on May & yup he's not the one. So grateful this was just a momentory moment.

Me & her.

I remember reading like 2 years back on Vivy Yusof blog post on her and Aji, who are like best friends for life. She blogged that Aji come over just to do her work and both of them were quite the whole time.

And now my best friend, Ira reminds me of this. She came over the other night to return my shirt and then spending like hours on my bed, with her phone, while I was studying. And we didn't talk.

I realised that, when we love someone, that we're comfortable with, silence doesn't bother. And sometimes, it's more than enough to be with time, without interacting with them.

There are not people that can do that in my life, cause most of my family and friends can talk hours and hours without stopping when they are with me.

I hope you get what I'm saying.

Which that I'm grateful for you, I.

May the journey do us good. :)

Silence,

The Girl in The Hood

Nearly got into an accident.

One thing, I'm safe and unharmed. Alhamdulillah. Also my friend.

So the past Tuesday or is ot Wednesday? Wait. I've got to check my phone. Okay, it was Tuesday. Sorry for my brain. My best buddy asked me randomly asked to go out, to buy somethings but also kinda because she's craving to watch Maze Runner 3, where she also has asked out the before week, but we both didn't take the suggestion too seriously.

We were already walking back to the Mahallah, past the legendary staircase hill, which was kinda a waste we couldn've just grab an uber/grab at KOP. Haha. Still we went to ECM, bought some stationaries, and went to Korean place Dubuyo at KCM for the first time in many years (this should be a story by itself). While eating my friend came up with an idea to go to watch the movie which at Berjaya Mega Mall. So I suggest we should right after eating if she insist. 

And yeah. We went crossing the roads and stuff. After the movie, we had to go back to the first mall (so basically we were going to one mall to another all day), cause my friend is a big fan of Big Apple, so we can't leave without it. Crossing the road in front of the mall is not the fanciest idea, so when we got there, the cars of the side are mid way to the green light. So I decided to wait. But my crazy friend said let's go. And she already started walking.

I walked the same. But in a split second the lights turn to green. So I was like run!!! The motorcycles are already moving, if I didn't suggest to run, we couldn've got into the accident. The vehicles was so nearby.

On the way back, I was thinking what if Allah didn't let me notice te green light. What would happened to my friend? What would happened to me? 

I wasn't worried about myself. But I was worried about my family. What would they think of me? In an accident? My friend. Is she gonna get hurt too?

It was very dangerous, I don't want anyone to get hurt. And I thought Allah have better plans for saving me and my friend.

I still have a chance to live, to help, to be a better person.

Thank you.

It's when you in the brink of death, you remember.

The Girl in A Hood

Shy around guys?!

To be honest, I am a shy girl.

Not with girls but guys, which is how the environment taught me during my teen. Hrmm. To be thinking this is a long topic. So let's see, how long I can go. Even after I move out from my previous school, I barely even talked to guys, or look up to them when I was walking alone. I will look down to the ground, or at least straight ahead (without noticing how the guy looks like). To be a fact, I don't even have guy friends like my other colleague which they talk to. Some may find it weird, but this is how I was bought up. In a way, I am protected, and pure in a way, which I like.

But don't get me wrong, I can talk to guys, but nothing less than work. No message after 11, unless it's urgent. And also nothing less than being polite.

What triggers me to remember this was the night I wrote my previous post on 12th of January, my roommate called me on the phone saying...

"Awak, help me.." - Roommate

"Why? What happened?" - Me

"I'm at the brothers cafe, I already ordered food, but suddenly now there are too many brothers. TT.TT" - Roommate

"Do you want me to accompany you?" - Me

"Yes. Please. Help. Segan sangat." - Roommate

So that's how it went. One funny but sweet memory.

Don't go to the guys cafe around isya' then,

The Girl in A Hood

What this blog means to me..

Did you noticed something different? Ahah. Yes, I've finally changed my 2 year old blog layout with something new. It's not as I expected or wanted even.. I wanted a clean minimalistic with white background, but then I forgot how picky I was, that not even one font the Blogger theme seems to fit my liking, so somehow it turn out to be like this. But even it's unexpected, I still like it very much.

Since my last post, I've been thinking what do I really really want with my blog? Why do I write? And somehow force myself to write something.

In the end, I come to a conclusion.

To see how I grew up as a person.

I'd read some of my previous posts, which then I see myself being at the past, writing precious memories of my life. The embarassing ones, the beautiful ones, the ones I can be proud of. Even the About Me tab, which I wrote one and half year ago.. Sometimes I thought, is this really me back then writing? How can I write such thing? Oh wow, how determined I was when I younger. And so on. A few years from now, I will say the same thing over again.

Time is precious creation Allah has given to us. The opportunity to shape what ours, how we want it to be. Ma Shaa Allah. Amazing, right?

It's the memories which is precious to me, the ones I've been given the opportunity to shape and flow how it be. I love it, and very grateful for each of it, which is why I share. These memories, can give lessons to others, reminds others of their which they might forget, be grateful for their own life stories.

Precious.

So this is why I blog, and continue to. In Shaa Allah.

Let it be my own world, but who cares?

The Girl in A Hood

Revealing myself?

Okay.. So I wanted to post a few days ago, but again ended up being busy with application for student exchange programme (and I'd just finished my Physical Pharmacy II exams this morning, 2 more paper to go!! Before finally calling it a holiday, which only last about 1 week, but never mind. It's better than nothing.).

Then of course, I forgot entirely what I wanted to post. So meh.. I had to think about a new one. I have list of blog title's I wanted to blog and so many other big things which are on my mind, but I thought I wanted to write on something recent not just my plain 21 years old thoughts (let's say I'm denial, this year I'm 22. Haha.), since there's gonna be a little surprise announcement at this very end of my post. Wait for it! And don't skip straight to the bottom.

As you all know (let's still pretend I have audience excluding myself. Please. Huhu. If there's someone reading this, just so you know you are the sweetest. I mean it. ^^), I'd never reveal my name, my face and who I'm truly am. Basically, my identity. All that I revealed was I'm a pharmacy student hear at IIUM, a sister, living in Bangi, own's a business, and love cats (and a little bit crazy on the side). Only very few know my blog, my family and one special friend I have know who's behind The Girl in A Hood.

Honestly, I'm just a normal girl, live a normal life, nothing special. So why I'm not showing myself?

One answer.

Privacy.

My very intention for this blog is to write my real thoughts, without worrying what others say and for people to take what's good, to learn. I can't deny the fact that we live in a very nasty society, and every bit of 'mistake', will get people talking. And I honestly don't like it. Even can't handle it. Honestly, I'm very afraid it will affect my positivity as a person, cause I'm human too. And so I can be totally honest, writing even the embarrassing things that I face (and everyone too), but just too afraid to express about.

Yesterday, I promoted my blog for a bit. The story is quite straight forward, but I'll keep it a secret. So if you coming from there, thank you again for reading. And pardon this author for rambling. Haha. My dream is for one day, my writings will get better, and it will help others in some kind so.

Aamiin.

That's all for the topic. And.... *drumrolls*

I'm changing my whole blog into a new theme! I mean the layout, not my writings. Huuuha. It's been on my mind for awhile, so don't be surprise if it's different.

Therefore, as a memory for the whole 2 years of blogging, with this same theme. I'd put up a screenshot of it, below! Thank you, theme! I never forget why I choose in te first place!

Can't wait for the new theme!

Loves,

The Girl in A Hood

My sister cried. :(

So I was planning on writing my curricular vitae and motivation letter for my application as student exchange this summer. But I suddenly remembered that I reminded myself to blog tonight. Maybe I post up two blogs, but will see. Cause I'm behind schedule. And time passes so fast. :(

Did I mentioned I'm still in my exam period? Pray for me! Oh & I just received permission from my parents that I'll be going to Jogja again! Yeay! So there a few plans to fly out of the country this year. Okay, I'm totally honest here. To Saudi Arabia, Indonesia, Thailand and another one if this student exchange programme works out (which I really would love too, I'm sacrificing my study time for this, so it better be worth it!).

Today we had the Pharmaceutical Analysis II exam which ended at 10 thirty, and I went out with my best friend to buy shoes. Which we wanted to go back before 1, but ended arriving at the Mahallah near 4. Haha.

I spent the evening on social media, catching up with my friends, when my sister called. She call and talk about her life.. when she cried. I teared up a bit a long with her, cause I understand her situation being a busy student and all, with everyone looking up at her, having these heavy burden as a leader. It's stressful, and I cried cause I can't physically be with her, where I wanna hug here, saying it's alright and I always got your back.

And I miss her so much. She's my only sister, and I prayed Allah will protect and help her as much as I went through all the hard teenage phase.

Always with you,

The Girl in A Hood

Farewell 2017 // Year Review

Well, I was gonna write at yesterday, but suddenly the clock was already past 12, when I was busy doing my Anti Infective Agents notes, which took so long. I didn't even start reading the Medicinal Chemistry, which is in the day after (or actually tomorrow, 2nd January). I still have to reply to the message from my friends from other countries. Huwaa. And why I'm doing this blog? Cause I love (the unexisting) you guys. Haha.

Okay. This 10 questions are credited to Aida Azlan, whose a great inspiring women. I just knew she's 30 now. Haha. She looks so young!

So here it is;

1. Name 3 words that best describe my 2017.
Change (for the better & unexpected), mature (a bit?) & happy (for every big and tiny reason).

2. Biggest lesson you've learned this year.
Do what you can do. Just do your best, Allah will help the rest.

3. Biggest change I did this year.
I would say wearing braces & got all 4 wisdom teeth extracted. XD

4. Best decision I made this year.
Going to IPSS, the friends I make there are the best!

5. Best single achievement this year.
A lot I could think of, but I would say braving myself to speak English & Arabic with my friends.

6. Who helped you get through 2017?
Allah. He sent help through the people I love.

7. Which worry was unnecessary this year?
Blueticks (from a very specific someone).

8. How did you grow emotionally this year?
This is a hard question, cause I don't understand it. Haha. I learn that I was always happy which is weird, but when test hits by people I love detaches. It was a hard time, but I learned I'm still the same forgiving person I used to be.

9. Happiest moment of 2017.
When my birthday just happens to be a normal day, and I got many more birthday wishes the day after than the actual day itself.

10. Saddest moment of 2017.
When you have to digest the fact a person doesn't want to be friends with you (for no reason, I find). But Allah is the one who holds the heart, so I pray the person is happy in their own way. And may Allah gives the best for us both.

So that's it for 2017. Thank you very much. Gotta go wash my clothes now!

Hope to meet you again soon? Haha.

The Girl in A Hood