I turned 28.

28 list for 28 me.

1. Just settled for IAC register, it dampens my feeling, so I'm feeling a bit better to write.
2. Ahh. Writing this still is a battle of laziness every sunday. Haha.
3. This week I'm weirdly tired all week for no reason I can think of.
4. 23th, done the coaching presentation. MDEC team seems nicee. I quite liked it.
5. Finally wearing a comfortable chiffon voile hijab to class.
6. I managed a "book review" ig story on Secrets of Divine Love during maghrib at Darussyifa'.
7. Post class. I slept thinking ah tomorrow the day.
8. Praying my sis have a safe journey home as just having my family together is just what I need for my birthday.
9. 24th, practically didn't wanna wake up. 
10. Did not wanna open my whatsapp until later on.
11. My bro I was the first to wish me while I in the hall ironing my tudung.
12. A bit later at morning at work, I saw my parents birthday messages in the group.
13. Got an unexpected birthday singing for my senior coworker, pn N. She was teary which she questioned why. I hugged her cause it was unexpected and sweet.
14. Another unexpected birthday wishes from my roomies. I liked the surprise wishes today.
15. I got the chill shift portfolio + S3, as if a chill day at work was a gift for my birthday.
16. Bought the Zus creme somthing matcha, I actually just wanted my Snackville matcha latte, but trying this why not?
17. Posting that with a date on ig stories as my secret birthday post this year.
18. Packing while zus while virgin river.
19. Wasn't feeling that hungry all day. Huhu. Until the day after too.
20. Looking at 24.12 feeling ahh it's my birthday. Gitters.
21. Thinking to myself, I'm 28 and it feels normal. Haha.
22. Saying to my colleages during S3 ah I just reach my age today, in referring to our conversation on age & near the end of year like saying it's my birthday is such a normal thing to say. It did feel normal.
23. Had to singgah for sushi because this girl was hungry. Mini solo birthday date.
24. My mother's go to and back to work salam with a birthday wish.
25. My family gather for dinner but I was already lights off to sleep early.
26. After going down with my braces and all to cut the cake, I went back to bed with a cry because some part of me wish I was with my family but I am so tired that my wish is to sleep early.
27. 25th, put on a river family outing as my mom wanted. It went kinda well in viewing the waterfall is closed as I expected of the rainy season.
28. Breakfast date with the fam at mamaks.
29. I really wanted to rush back home, but we visited my father's friend son's house. 
30. Rested and went to seoul garden.
31. Parked L1(a) G, so pats in the back.
32. Pluced the courage for asking if got OKU price.
33. I think the buffet is a success. 
34. Duit locum masuk Alhamdulillah!.
35. Paid for roughly RM440, but my parents gave me RM200 which ah Alhamdulillah. Niat my birthday gift to all, but it's Allah giving me back in return.
36. I managed another "book review" at kswp work on saturday (replacing my friend's shift).
37. I pulled myself together today to do a blood work for my kinda-yearly check up.
38. Plucked the time, to pick out new glasses for me. It was awkward but fun & courageous for me alone. (Don't undermine the bravery to choose a frame alone. Serious.) Another RM400. Fuhh.

So I guess this is my lazy post. All in all, Alhamdulillah.

I am 28,

TGiaH

Sarang is Blind? A new splint.

Guess another me marathonning another show. Kinda. I just wanna know the ending. So yeah I finish Love is Blind: UK on Tuesday. I have to say that's the only Love is Blind I find interesting. One thing I needed to see which made me kinda binge watching (but I kinda open google on other things so then it spoilt as I could guess) is post 1 year from the show. The Dynamics. It's interesting, sad, happy, realistic how it was that then, then here now. These are real people. The growth. Part and parcel of life.

Somehow my period didn't come on Wednesday but Thursday (I thought that morning it's not gonna come). Though I do feel as if it had come. Do you know what I'm saying? Haha. After my OT appointment (new splint, seeing the strength of a mother with a disabled adult), got back home went straight into finishing up my CPC report. I'm like girl, this is definitely not a first day period thing I do. But fast forwarding to today, I finished it. Along with the presentation. I had this really tick off the box morning today, went for a walk at Saujana Hijau, pick up a matcha latte, hang my clothes and after shower, I did my makeup. Haha. Weirdly feeling like it, cause of the upcoming dinners. I have to say thought I like makeup made me look put together, I don't like the feeling my skin can't breath. Ahh. I thought I could squeeze in for a kenduri. But grateful I didn't, cause from 10.40am, I finish at 1.40pm. Haha. Then, back at checking and touches at 4.30pm. I wanted to nap, but before I could I look up the forecast and pick up my clothes along with late lunch. So there's that, today. Sooo. I'm writing before 6, as I feel I wanna get off my laptop for today. So at night, perhaps a little colouring?

Saturday, late start. I needed sleep. I guess period sleep. So after that, doing stretches. Lots of reading than on my phone, which made me feel something. Better but I don't know what. Just life without screentime is better. So then, locum before 5. Paid off my zakat and everything else this week. I'm grateful for rezqi of monthly suefficient salary. Thoughts of owning a house and also how I wanna think of my car if I get tetap at Sabah Sarawak. Hmm.

Work weekend,

TGiaH

A rough start, a mildly anxious end.

This week start on monday, morning at work fuhhh. Certainly not one of the most ideal, getting accused then emotional person with emotion equipped punches (words). But certainly, I'm proud of most part of handling it well (just the crying bit I regret). Solution focused, mentally heads on, clear of myself, trusting myself and conscious empathic perspective. Though in hindsight (the next day), it's really should not be a problem I had to take responsible action for. Fuhh. I guess that's life.

Really tired the first two nights ccm phone alarm was on. Haha. I needed sleep. With post-district 21 tiredness, then monday night class. Thursday, trying to start my day on maghrib. Interesting concept worth trying. A ball of cries on friday night. Well, the next day to Tapah which such as enjoyable trip, and spending time with the fam. Then, today just giving myself a day in resting with Love is Blind UK which I really think how the western world kinda assimilate our traditional belief, approaching someone for marriage (taaruf). Interesting how it goes. 

No coughing this week Alhamdulillah. Just a little weird where I fall asleep in a minute, but sounds coming up from my mouth. Hmm. This week comes with challenges, taking into view ahh this is how I handle things, I'm proud, I'm growing, trying I'm me. Anyhow, today has the low tide of anxious. Just a little bit more than subtle, still quite subtle. A patient got the wrong med. I just deeply hope it's not me. One is enough. Please.

Hard prayers,

TGiaH

A time @District 21

This weeek is bu-seyy. Haha. Monday, post work rush to go my first darussyifa' class. Andd I have to say I like my time during the class. I took notes, I payed attention. I was able to put off my gamings I finish off the game at 1 in the morning. Khalas. I played a bit more on Tuesday. I cut it off (uninstall) on Thursday work. Other than that, Monday was the big visit from the vip. Somehow the assist thought I didn't wear a mask at the methadone room. Nu-uh. Ohh. I arrived home with a notice to cut off our water supply. Somehow our water bill double than before which is weird considering no leaking. I hope my father prioritize Air Selangor to check our metre. I did paid the big amount though. Huhu. 

Thursday, I did my last coaching session with one of my coachee (whose a participate too). Actually I just remembered I didn't do my CPC3 so I just did it. Haha. Then, Friday a farewell feast also an extended shift. Patient was continuous but okay. One point is I'm happy my senior pf appreciates continuous learning which made me feel happy too. I'm also happy I was able to drop her off her house. Ahh. The location is such perfection. Though, I am at times nervous around her but oh well. Also, another is sharing things about umrah and differences in mazhab with kak Z, I hope it broaden her horizon. 

I had to come at Saturday for scrubbing + pest control. Alhamdulillah, I was abled to do an arrangement beforehand to come at 9, while kak A come earlier. I got in the extra needed sleep. Then, jeng jeng my coworker F has come to work until 9.37am where they asked in the group. I thought he came even a little late. I was bored and didn't want to idle my phone so yeah this lady decide working is better use of me, so I jump to help call his wife and cover him up which in turns somehow a full cover shift. Haha. 

As for today, I had the time to do strecthes and chill late breakfast, before rushing over to the team building at District 21 with the wrong shoes. I had fun with the team building. First, name then cheers. Haha. Durian. First free fall which others volunteer first while we stand on one foot! Then, the maze ohh I so proud of myself though I have the five to seven medium to small bruises on my left leg+knee, one on my right, two scratches also on my leg and a bump below to bruises. Haha. I know it was very possible because we were in a rush. Then, the trampoline. That's a tough one. Balancing the little ball. The then 10 building blocks ohh we need better strategy. But we did it! Lastly, tubby ride which is a slide with round lifebuoy thingy. I decided to not go as I imagine the risk when my left hand lets go. Better be safe than tumbling down, frightening everyone. Anddd we got second place. Alhamdulillah. One point difference.

After that, I had to try the roller glider which I'm grateful for the experience. Eventhough, my hand didn't cooperate I was in rather safe. I feel sorry for the staff for in case I was making them worry of the work. I took off safely with a hand 'cramp' but yeah. I hope in a way Allah blessses them in one way or the other for giving this girl with cp to experience this one chance to this excitement. The ride back home with the soreness, I can't be lesser than grateful. Thank you Allah for the chance. I also did a free fall. Not mention losing one shoe and my specs also going to a free fall. Haha. A first at NakNak which I feel the gochujang chicken is nothing much, then Madam Croffle for yesterday's pay.  Trying to find in RM11-19 range. A first of many this week, with ever grateful for these. Alhamdulillah.

Dinner off with leftover Naknak,

TGiaH

Redirection

Alhamdulillah for pay day. Though this week, I think learning that my money is only what Allah lent to me is a thing. Ikhlas perlu dipelajari. Through and through. From L, sadly he didn't get in mara schloarship this round. I was heartbroken seeing him sleeping next to his sajadah. Because I know the pain of letting go a dream. Yet, there's still ways for him. I pray he gets the best scholarship for him and gets to study in the UK. For the company, I'm praying still. Hmm. Sleep coughing is painful. Huhu. The  nikmat of a good quality sleep. 

I had my car serviced on tuesday. I had a nothing much day that day. Though I do have things I forgot. Then thursday I had kwsp, friday (a coach session which is more of a catch up session with F). Oh weds I did have an online coach briefing post work. So yeah, this girl don't get that much time to rest. So Alhamdulillah for tuesday. Though somehow I'm kinda into searching my to relax thing which this week is gaming and scenetic stories. So post registring for darussyifa' classes (which why my name is still not on whatsapp?), my payback rest is gamig. Yeah I should've slept right away post locum yesterday and I planned to, but it is what is. Though I do feel urgh need more self control.

Yesterday also got kenduri family angkat which is nice. Nice my coworker texted me first and sweet video with H. Ooohhh. Also, my tapak kasut totally tercabut when going on stage. Ahaha. Cinderella things. And need to mention already started ccm oncalling, so praying all is well and easy for it. No messing my rest and outside working hours please. Aamiin.

I'm gonna continue gaming,

TGiaH.

The week after umrah

Really a week has past since I'm back. A lot of I would say change or just eally an roller coaster. While, I got extremely sick the fajr Monday. Haha. Really non-stop mucus from the nose and just cough. Still, I went to work andd appointment the afternoon. Night was rough. Alhamdulillah, I decided to take care of myself the tuesday and got a mc and checkup. Alhamdulillah all clear. The x-ray and blood counts. Still, I decided to work on Wednesday. Talking about responsibility huh. I've got my period in midday. Surprise that I'm not too surprised. Also, surprising I've got into the bathroom right early in time. I decided to on the antibiotics mainly cause I was reminded of the 2 white dots near my arm during my umrah which gone right when I got back (fearing might be pus, so better clear out the infections right). 

Thursday, I guess nothing much except I was on my last page for my home journal. So yeah, Friday after contemplating the muji books (cause I've the pens), I went on with the bookshop near my workplace. Mainly because it's cheaper. While still ticked off the criteria of ring binding and acceptable cover (though I think quite cute). I'm really planning on saving as much so I'm trying to be in save mode like I was in my student era and get back into tracking. The main reason is I'm aiming to help clear my family debts as much as I can (mainly my fathers). During umrah, my mother really stressing over the business and debts. Also my father pre-umrah. Kind of my source of stress during that time, and really pushes me to make doa and figuring out a way out. So yeah. I passed out of Friday near 7, when I off my phone to make last hour Jumaah doas. 

After almost 12 hours, I was up. I missed my last night antibiotic dose! So the morning, super nice I've got into extended clinic work which I enjoyed working with someone I haven't work before. Surprisingly he's friendlier than I expected and the shift was not so busy, just in between, so yeah nice. Back at home, got into lunch and rest then quick nasi before going 4.35pm to locum. The night I forgot my dose also. Allahu. Perhaps I forgot because I had to cook indomie kaldu ayam cause rice is finished. I was contemplating on chilling late night family mart dinner before home. But in my head again, save money. The frugality somehow feels familiar and secure. Kinda like comfort too. 

Sunday today, got back into locum. Though sale for me was slow, in the shop was therapeutic. I like my locum job. Though I need to up my game. During the night and morning, I really headbutt on my mother on psychological manipulation. Her reaction makes me go allahu. But well, I don't expect people to change just better boundaries. I know better now. After lunch, I know there has been delayed for a discussion on the business so after asr. I need rest and reset my emotions baseline. The discussion I think bought clarity just now I am really praying for a massie business buyer as plan. Aamiin. Also, for a prolong peace between my parents. Aamiin. I'm grateful for myself, for being brave, for getting to know myself, how to handle myself, for investing in knowledge I have for myself. I just really pray for no debts for my parents, my family and my generation. 

Slight rain, so big prayers.

TGiaH

Umrah alone but not quite

Assalamualaikum there. I'm back. Last week me no post but that's a given cause I've been away for 2 weeks for my umrah. It's been 55 ish hours I'm here since I landed at 3.10pm jumaah. Weirdly but perhaps not so much weirdly I'm in my recovering post trip phase. Yesterday was a major sleep sleep, today's I'm like half-sick (if that's even a thing) so like half sleep. I feel better when I do a bit of work not too much though. I'm not ready to work tomorrow though I know I need it. 

I feel a little scared and nervous for tomorrow. Sadly but truthfully, umrah was like a big escapee from this world here, the distance I need but no other practical action I did other than doa. So hence the feelings. But the reality of this world I need to do actions to solve it with guidance of doa. This world is certainly tough. All I did there was go back and forth to masjid, definitely push my limits at madinah. Makkah has it owns charms though I did 3 umrahs, it's not a rush to go an hour before. Where you pray, early or late really depends on how Allah arranges it for you cause of the line, the queues, the doors. One umrah I did after a night hiking up Jabal Nur which was insane how the next day our feet were perfectly fine. 

This umrah, I was in better shape than the last. No cracked lips except a small tear in my first few days then just melecet sikit on one of my small toes after my third umrah I think. Being there, just to and back the masjid, in the room for food and cleaning up, time certainly went by too fast I didn't have time to do other things. Even journaling, mostly on the bus. My down time was in taif. I'm really grateful for my umrah because from what I see what I prayed for most part (just one part in madinah I can't go to mosque alone but I'm sure it comes with rewards for intention to help others). The hotels was near, food was great which weirdly I think my tummy half misses it. Anyhow, I cooked a half porridge for me with chicken stocks, eggs and daun ketumbar. 

Barely shopped except for laban. Did a little shop in taif. I found the indomie my dad ate during their stay. Can't find it any other places. Haha. A honeycomb, zabib, walnuts and that's it. I bought konafetto off of shoppee and praying mats. I spent my cash on ziarah and on others. So I still have half my riyals with me. 

I'm having the sniffles since asr oh well. 

Bismillah for tomorrow,

TGiaH

In a rush

Literally am in rush. 5 minutes max. Still half-clothes, writing this. Just when I wear my hijab, I probably be done. My flight to umrah day. Allahu. Still macam oh day hari ke. I'm feeling a bit rush especially after my dua book was delayed. Alhamdulillah done on fajr today. Just a little bits left. Breakfast don't forget! I feel not as emotional about this whole thing like when before I was booking the umrah and this past fews days, missing my fam. Probably good as I don't wanna cry at the airport. Ahh. I have to mention the thursday during family gathering, it does feel like wey I'm really going to umrah alone. All in all, Allah please protect me and make this an easy, beautiful journey for me.

I'm coming oh Allah,

TGiaH

The rezqi of now

The weekend was pretty chill, just 1 locum slot yesterday but everything else was chill. Peaceful in comparison of my roller coaster of emotions and thoughts during the week. Basically I lazied thru which I shouldn't. Anyhow I am finally done with netflix stories, it is somehow somewhat revealing of my emotions and wants. A way to figure what's deep in myself. I had a bit of fun for sure. Games.

While the week, the results for kontrak interim was out. After another scam on tuesday, the very next morning the group was check your spa. Despite reading the message at fajr, I didn't check it yet. I was ahh I don't care. So yeah, turns out I am curious so as I arrive at work, made doa for the best though I do want a peaceful umrah if possible, the results said SIMPANAN. A huge wash of relief and peace waterfalls down me. Alhamdulillah, I'm going umrah. 

It was certainly fine all throughout work until later the evening 2 closer friends of mine got it (while kswp syif). It was not jealousy rather grateful at least some of us got it, just the creep of ahh will I get the chance for a permanent stable job with decent salary too? I thought it was fine but truthfully I am scared of not having a job aka not having money. I need this. And thursday proves just my fears, another avalache of debts and worries from my dad. It's so hard seeing my parents split between their passion and responsibility. I do wish at the time for my dad's company to do truly well. It's painful to see trial and challenge after another with this. I really hate debt. And how much I loved this freedom I have with no debt to spread out to my family, certainly peaceful. Aamiin.

The pain with no tears, it's been a while.. Feeling that familiarity. Pain. Crying.

Exactly 1 week to umrah, In Shaa Allah.

TGiaH

Gaming sunday

What I am doing. Haha. Playing games the whole dayy. Yeah, I'm really bad when it comes to story games the last time I remember. It's fun being the character of a story having funn. Hehe. I am over-treating myself after checking off my work on coaching. Ahh and it's been a while since I enjoyed or played anything. Ahh. 2 weeks until umrah, I feel bad. Huhu. The struggles of being human. I planned to continue my doa list but oh well. I think I finish off buying all I need so that's Alhamdulillah and I did a bit of my doa list on wedsnesday. Also, the gsheet on thursday. Alhamdulillah.

The Friday gave me a scare on the whole interim thing. Not a big scare but I really hope it doesn't "usik" my umrah, either the dates or any else. Anyhow, we'll have to see for tomorrow. Had wedsnesday and friday off. While friday had lunch call. Nevertheless, I'm grateful for the time. Had kswp shift on tuesday which was smooth Alhamdulillah. The monday, I asked on the recording and pluck the courage to ask on transcribing. And yes, I can transcribe (which was a horror due to all the filler words!). Just hoping for a pass. In Shaa Allah, aamiin. 

So yeah, back to gaming. Huhu. Haha. 

Handling myself

Nothing much on monday except prep for live assessment. Nervousness suddenly kicks with I'm underprepared vs this is just to try, not thinking of I have to be best to do the assessment. It was really hard on me tuesday morning at work, where I can't really focus. Should I dig in to able to manage it or just fix my mindset and embrace the feels without digging in. I know some parts of it came from a constant "I need to do well/succeed" but imagining I didn't pass is okay, so I just don't know at that point. The true thing is I don't want the hassle, the cert is a nice thing to have, probably a boost in my career development. Truer, I just need squeeze the gist of what I learn and put into practice? Good? Best? Not of all that, yet again I know I want to help others (and myself), yet I am nervous. Somehow, the nerve calm down at work. Just I really needed that relax period for an hour before starting. I did good, just wanting on the results. Just prayers now, doesn't help with it being late. Huhu. 

Wednesday and Thursday post work, are my break nights. I manage to squeeze in a session at work, so that's a pat in the shoulder. Major 10.10 shopping. Thursday night surprise, I got a message from K. Ahh. It felt good having to meet her after long and initiated by her. The kind of friendship that sure has a place in the heart. I supposed to meet up with F for a session on Friday lunch but Alhamdulillah somehow it worked out. Meeting K and talking to her, hearing her voice makes me feel as the time turned back to uni days. Also realised, she has a a more understanding than mines. Kind spirit In Shaa Allah. Submitted overseas application.

Then, the night locum. New intern. I guess somehow the girls in locum have good ears but I did notice I have the urge to talky talk with them. Haha. A new coffee machine which is nice. Gave me a delayed caffeine effect at 5. A lil early but okay. Saturday to umrah course. Picked up luggage and sending in the documents. It's nice experience with my sitting neighbour and grandma at the restroom. I'm praying still for Allah to choose me and many others. Aamiin. Met my pic, ahh. So she's her. Umm. Then, back at home for I sleep for one, then off to locum in the thunder rain. 

Sunday, somehow I did sleep in long the afternoon. I wish I didn't but it is what happened. So delayed my plan for writing in my dua list. Oh Allah, please grant me the energy and barakah in my time to do it. Aamiin. A lil visit from fam in the evening. Anyhow, I wish for more time. 

Prayers, prayers.

TGiaH

Another year, another cp day

Uhh. I wish I have another day off. This weekend has been productive with some me-me time which was just about 6-10pm today. Haha. Had a good thinking+emotion session. I really thought without all the gadgets (influence) what are my thoughts? What do I want? What do I need? Hence, although I have some consciousness over social media, it's scary my default is scrolling thought it. I just have to consciously pause myself and take a moment to myself. There's no need for the dopamine injection, I have time to be present. 

A productive weekend by saturday morning a farewell to my lil sis off to uni, then rush to world cp event (funny i'd just knew menteri kkm to my dad's acquaintance and the last time they met was when I was in hosp shah alam for teeth extraction//surgery). Then to bowling, I did fairly good. Better than worse day, so I'm feeling good about it. I did had a an afternoon off on weds for a bowlig sesh and that's pretty much that practice. I enjoyed both. And lucky draw! A guy's watch. So for my bro's it is. This morning a 4 hour usrah. Haha. I guess we had a good chat, just I was a little like ahh patut put my clothes out to dry and come late. But sokay, that's settled. Also did a coaching session before umrah. At least one is out of the way. 

Had my physio+ot appointment monday afternoon. A little tired from the weekend. Tuesday, usm news came for my little sis. This week was a major roller coaster for her and impacted my fam. But Alhamdulillah, Allah plan a place for her in meds still. Weds night did a little coaching session, when thursday came the big news hit. How the world is so money-oriented. Huhu. It is what it is. Thursday night had a late celebration for L's birthday last month. Anyhow, Alhamdulillah. 

I paid off my umrah. I need to save money more, but now I have to admit not "treating" myself is hard especially I learn it's okay too. I'm still learning. Just somehow conflicted which says I love myself? Spending or saving? Probably saving now, but not depriving. 

Anyhow, signing off. Bismillah to a new week.

TGiaH

Period relief

Ahh. Let's finish this up so I can go to sleep earlyy. 

Monday. First thing I did when I get to work is applying for my cuti rehat for umrahh. After applying then I confirmed with p.t. if can or not. Haha. Fuhh syukur can. Then, nervously about the money thing I still managed to finish off my ump. Paid by 4pm to show my commitment then by night the rest Alhamdulillah. Now waiting my cuti rehat to be approve. Little by little the days comes closer. I still need to plan out my duas. Writing it now I barely remember my heart thumps the monday. How changes as the days passes. 

Had an emotional wreck on thursday. The wednesday and thursday wasn't my feel good days where I'm feeling overwhelm about the coaching assignments and self-expectation. I am stressed and I feel I'm nowhere near a range where I could in my mind ahh I think I can pass being a coach. It's the stuck of I'm focus on listening to the coachee then my mind zooms out for me to see as 4D perspective on the coachee's situation, yet understanding but I can't be totally empathic which could make me just as stuck as the coachee which is not great. Then, at the back of my brain reminded myself open questions, open questions, solution-focused, solution focused which I don't have that much before. Haha. Reminded this is something just for self-growth, trying gently negotiating my achiever side that there's no need to push myself. Just here to enjoy and convincing myself I am and always doing my best so that's enough. Comparison is harsh despite needed to motivate to reach the goal. Detrimental sword. Huhu.

I don't if due to that it hits my stress spike which my period is delayed by 2 days. I was little little cautious as it might affect my next cycle which might touch a little my umrah but now probably if anything just my first flight day kot. Wallahua'lam. I still prayed and I'm relieved. I'm just a servant, Allah whoms plans. I'm just a servant, Allah whoms plans. With payday comes, a huge relief. So many rezqi Alhamdulillah. Friday jamuan day. So many rezqi too. Alhamdulillah. 

Saturday a full locum day which starts in the morning. Despite iman warehouse sale day which I wished to go (and today I saw they got Vivy's book at discount), I got Not Here To Stay for muchh cheaper at carousell (purchased yesterday, received today. ✔ Alhamdulillah). So just focusing on one book at a time, that's okay. Uhh. I did ordered a book (gift) post out to S's house on wednesday to repay back her kindness of lending her book which I hoped the surprised worked. Finished & did 2 book reviews (I'm still working this out) I actually kinda plan to get back early but somehow with the loosely plan, I managed to finish my laundry, mini-tidy my room, and then get together for a girls night and day in KL (just got back home at 6). Those friends are good people, just the more I see it the big groups with bad habits of speaking in circle and not direct and let go is not good. Huhu. A part of me labels it as a danger warning character of a person I won't keep in my close circle, but in my outer circle they're still learning and growing, so once a year enough. Just zip my mouth shut which I probably by default is when with them, listening and take parts I can take knowledge. Simply just that. I'm just a human, and I have my faults too. 

That to that, bismillah to a new week.

TGiaH 

Calm-roller coaster.

Monday morning, malaysia + maulidur rasul day. Went to jog at Taman Saujana Hijau then back with matcha solo date. Haha. I just had despite I know I should be saving money. I don't quite remember the rest of the day except I had a super rush evening and late night. This week been an alternating of okay than to super tired. Had one extended shift then one locum and really chill work which is a blessing for my tired body. I wish I am more energetic. I think it's because the botox effect is wearing off, I feel both pain and numbness. Paradise days are over for now. 

While for umrah, after receiving no reply on whatsapp I directly call the hq and got in contact with the pic. I was just so grateful because after that, it was so smooth about the payment then later than night my sister with the helpest of my youngest brother's iphone, we managed to finish off saudi visa app. My cousin and her kids come from kedah that isya', my heads was high is raudhah. I really wanna go biiznillah. Then, friday came with a new pic, telling I need to pay RM2k by monday which was not the agreement before. Instead of discussing it with me she simply passed over the sales rep I booked with, which in my perspective no very kind of her to do. At least understand the situation, that no one from the company contacted me which I had to contact first with no information of the payment due previously. It's impolite to demand urgent payment with no discussion especially when the fault is on their side. It's their responsibility to tell me earlier regarding the payment which they fail to do so. Despite in my body feeling stress and upset, I managed to talk with the sales rep my situation, so In Shaa Allah we'll see. And I still despite that, try to put in my best effort to get the money. May Allah ease. Aamiin.

Managed to do 2 coaching session this week, another one tonight with sis so total of 3. I think this week I'm really tired of the coaching sessions. I'm proud of myself still for being consistent. One I did at saturday morning, which made me feel so accomplish for the day. Oh and I managed to get a replacement coachee. Friday was a bit challenging day which I journalled. Youngest bro brought in 3 boxes full of recently expired & near expired frozen food which is Ma Shaa Allah, a big rezeki. All in all, that's for the week. Alhamdulillah.

I can get through challenges, :)

TGiaH

How is it I'm still blogging..

Salam maulidur rasul. I'm too lazy to blogg. I ended up scrolling my phone for 5 then slept until 6 in the morning. Haha. So I am at 6am writing my blog. Had a super rush in finishing off ump. Haha. 67 in 5 hours? Alhamdulillah I was assigned at webconsole and park and take the next morning. Allah had ease my affairs without me asking it directly to the schedule maker. So I somehow managed to finish that. 

Wednesday and Thursday. Somehow the car park was already full at 8 which is aye lots of people trying to get to work here using MRT. And Alhamdulillah the disability parking slot always save me. I really do think they need to add more car parks. *subuh jemaah prayer break>>+wash face, brush teeth, skincare, stretch*. (Now I'm left with 11 more minutes before I really need to go.6.49am.) I had my first coaching lab as a coach. I think I did well as a beginner coach. Also it was despite my coachee doesn't have any goal. My spontaneous act was I wanna kick here. Haha. Had my second session as a coach the next day. I think I did good too. Just gotta work on the close ended question. I managed to walk again in the morning from the station to the place. This time the google route but I wouldn't walk the same route cause as I was passing by there were dogs barking from the woods. I enjoyed my time in the course and friends. I think mainly cause somehow everyone has I wanna learn and grow vibe. 

Friday, I managed to do a coaching session with my coworker thru phone. Blessed her with helping me. In Shaa Allah I can do it. 6 out of 20 session down. A work in progress. I had work on Saturday which was chill (3 days holiday). Ohh. I had to pick up my labcoat from the store (stitching up my name) but it was with my friend so that's that. Sunday had 3 wedding invitation (2 from schoolmates of different schools, 1 is my parent's friend). Went to 1 with my family (incomplete without abah & I). Settling my visa umrah photo and vaccination. Alhamdulillah, my dua of a cheaper shot was answered. And the things to be done was smooth. Just.. Is it just me or I'm a little worried why the admin hasn't followed up on me yet regarding my umrah booking? And they haven't replied all Friday, at least the sales person replied. 

Allah ease my affairs, aamiin.

TGiaH

P?S: Happy Malaysia Day!

Hi there.

Hi there. Simply I just write that as my title this week. Had a pretty productive, fast moving week. Though I feel refresh after my 2 days weekend, monday left me tired. But Alhamdulillah tuesday I took the day off for my doctor's appointment (and originally to meet my friend later the day but Allah planed better cause we met earlier in putrajaya and at a lovely place, funnily I went to the same place with another friend today). It went well the appointment. Will meet the dr again in 5ish months. Had a little solo walk + date. Haha. I was very daring to do that. But I always wanted to explore aeon maluri. I have to say I love the place. Just I (am) supposed to be tight with my money however I think I did well just with lil sushi (just mistake on the soy sauce) and chagee (sadly the seats were full, so I didn't get to sip and read date). Next week on the mrt again. I have to say I am feeling very grateful for my free oku public pass and I think malaysia have a pretty decent public transport in the places I have to go so far. So Alhamdulillah for that.

I did a coaching session the night with my sis. I did three coaching session throughout the week which is wow I'm feeling pretty wowed I managed to do that. One during Friday lunch break and another one today post eksa. Haha. The 4 hour eksa at work raced passed so fast. Vroom vroom the time went (at least my part is done except if the boss ask for slides. Haha.). Ahh. I'm feeling of a slow night while working through what I need. I did a little colouring time the evening and a few zoning out too cause I feel I needed to. I guess it's okay to do it (zoning out), it's like taking a pause and a bit of metacognition. Anyway, I feel blessed Allah gave me the privilage of time to do it. 

Ump has been crazy leaving me breathless which is why I am so busy at work nowadays. I have so little time yet I'm grateful for the time I got still. Next week another coaching class, an opportunity I'm grateful. I guess the umrah fizz calm down a little as I now riding the bubbling small waves. Saturday (yesterday), I had done some regular housework both managed for myself (clothes) and my family (night tidy kitchen). I had a dazed saturday with somehow I finished Dr Romantic. Ahh. Another I wanna blogged, I managed to do two book reviews on my instagram (one I think last Sunday and one on Wedsnesday). I'm proud of putting myself up to the challenge. Returned and borrowed a new book. Yes again, me and my friend talked for an hour in front of her house. Haha. Adeh. I love it, yes I do. Thursday night I had kswp and Friday night did my coaching session cp3. And after this, I plan to finish up my cp5 (post class journal). 

Damn S. And yet you are still thinking what is living. 

My blog as a witness to that,

TGiaH

While waiting for the ice bandung to melt..

Basically the title. I'm waiting for it to melt to enjoy it with my drama. Ahh. Finally a 2 day weekend. Heaven. Yesterday got kenduri then visiting my mak teh. Huhu. I didn't know about her cataract. In Shaa Allah, she'll get better after surgery. Yesterday was Merdeka day. Wuhuu. Alhamdulillah. I did my first coaching session too. That's done. And another one today hopefully. My first physical class the wedsnesday and thursday. Commuting a little later in the day and through public, is nice. Kinda a break from routine. Learning it is fun. We had coaching lab as well which was fun too. Our trainer, he talk about his two child has heart defect while being so calm and accepting is wahh. I'm inspired. All in all, it's a new light seeing from non-muslim perspective. All in all, we acknowledge there's a higher power. 

Coming back on Friday after 2 days, gave me a fresh energy. That's always what rest and diversion from routine does for me. I guess, that's how I can give me best while staying long in the career I love. Monday was a rush for ump thingys. Well. I hope I did it correct that's all. Had prepared some Friday lunch last week to help out. Then had my physio + ot appointment this week which went well. Thursday rushed for iftar with the community. The umrah rush calm down this week after asking my boss on the dates. Allah make it easy for me please, if that's the best. Aamiin.

Really need to get with the book I borrow "Soulmates" and perhaps the long due review of other books. Anyhow, a chill sunday. Perhaps a bit of colouring today.

Alhamdulillah,

TGiaH

A heart for umrah.

The most random thing I decided up to date (probably), I booked an umrah package. Haha. My spontaneity just kills me sometimes. The story began with early this year, I kept praying for a chance for umrah (in the best way, health, environment, weather, basically in every way) this year plus marriage this year. I know such a gamble, especially about the marriage now I'm still miss-basically-loving-my-comfort-single-era-life. Haha. But umrah is something I'm really keen on. So that was the dua I 'kirim' to anyone on umrah this year.

Somehow somehow, this week I sent a cheap flight saudi deal to my friend who went early this year. I guess she was one of my friend I saw on her story how she misses the holy cities. Well.. Despite the cheap flight, I can't diy with just myself right? So somehow the following days I'm on a dopamine rush of wanting to go so bad & searching for deals, the right dates and adjusting my schedule. To even taking a train to go to an expo in KL which I secure my deal. Haha. Wowerz girl. I must be crazy cause I have clue on the interim dates and this is big girl has no money saved specifically for umrah. Despite the promo, how this girl gonna get probably RM9k-10k in a month? Wallahua'lam. I guess I can see how my 2 month salary going too. Haha. Whether I'll be for umrah as planned or not, Allah knows best. Also, I hope my boss is okay with 2 weeks off. Haha. Biiznillah. 

And about the coaching thingy, with my boss not here 3 days. I have no clue if I have the chance or not. Haha. Despite that, I attended the first session today. An one-on-one session on top of that. Ohh the assignments. Fuhh. This week has been busy. I don't know how I'm gonna handle the upcoming week. Also, I had my last physio at the clinic and will be focusing on hospital one. 

A little stressed (but I'm also the reason behind it) and in need of rest,

TGiaH

Adult friendships..

Suppose my schedule for locum is to start at 3, but I know I need my time. Probably in at 5. Showing how my rest, time alone doing others things are much valuable than RM25. Hehe. This girl needs some extra rest. Guess this week, the whole coaching course was ohh okay la I didn't get it so that's good. But thursday, my friend contacted me. I guess somehow Allah plan for this either way, I just needed the assurance cause takut tak larat. Haha. They're gonna replace the first session next sunday. So I guess it worked out better cause less than off of work. 

Just the next weekend are occipued with locum. And wednesday too. Similar to this week. A little challenge othe thought cause I wanna rest in but I perhaps I can handle it. Also, i turn I can give my clinic shift to my friend. Oh yeah, it was less of an ideal situation I planned to off pm on Wednesday but the switch from Tuesday to Wesdnesday shift. That's that. I book for a spa. Still got 2 sessions left in my card. Now left with one. It's okay just not brilliant. But I still slept for like 5. Haha. 

Finally bought the so long jovi lanyard. Contemplated for long because of the price. Finally it was on sale to the cheaper price I saw at 8.8 (it increase a bit after that), just with a special merdeka packaging. So I didn't get to choose the no gift box packaging, but now at the same price with the packaging, okay just check out dear. I guess before I get frustrated with too much thoughts on buying when I shouldn't. I know it's worth the purchase, the investment. And it is nice. I love it. A little luxury, worthy, investment on me. Ahh. Also, cause perhaps I'll be wearing on the train so yeah.

This week, I've got the chance and rezeki to meet up some of my friends which I guess you could say been a lot of plan cancellation before. Haha. That's that thing about adult friendship and time. It makes you appreciate the rezeki more, and the changes. People do evolve. And wallahua'lam, depends on Alah how He wants to plan. I wore a shawll + no foundation to meet up with my roomies. Mission accomplish. I was pretty Alhamdulillah. Amazed by how we are all in different stages of life. Just perhaps I wish my clothes with 1 inch longer. Ohh. The shakshuka at Glasshopper. Nice. 

Book borrowing. Returned and borrowed a new one. I guess this one I roughly plan to return in 3 weeks cause of my schedule. I spent talking to my friend an hour (55 minutes exactly) in front of her house. Haha. That' the thing about good conversation. I thought of saving some for later but oh well. We'll see. Challenge for a book review & post it on instagram. Phew. That took an hour. 

Treating myself,

TGiaH

A day with kdrama

A real dire need of rest. Alhamdulillah today I got it. The tiredness kinda got me this week. If I got the energy, I wanna do better. But my body's telling me to stay in and rest. So I've been in bed pretty much today. And my stay in activity was kdrama "Lovely Runner" and reading "Sekufu". I noticed I'm able to distant myself to the non-realistic of kdrama, my mind kinda become anti-romantic in some sense I guess. Like hmm how on earth they liked each other, is that really the journey to like someone. I can't say cause I never really allowed myself to like, so we'll see. 

Yesterday, a visit to my highschool friend. It was so good and time flies so fast. Her sons are such cuties. Had a lot of chances to hold her baby, and my heart in love every I zikr with him in my arms, the bundle of joy automatically smile. How can one not melt. They are blessed to have good looking parents, for they to have good looks. Went with another friend, just the three of us. The visit yesterday made me recognised deeper the things about life, everyone is figuring out, are on their journey, about mental health (anxiety) and childhood, personality. 

This week been on about a coaching course, should I do it? Not? Haha. I'm not even certain if I get the offer.  With the added burden of graphic designing, I hope not. Bowling, huwaa. Whyy. But redha la. Bowling again after 7 months... A first time shawl to work..  Then, I also took a brave step on instagram. So that's that. Upcoming 2 full weeks of working (2 weekends of locum). Ahh.

On my way to nesting,

TGiaH

Botox injection and I've bought myself flowers!

Yeah, I bought myself flowers (just being sniffing on it a few minutes ago. Kkk. So that's going on the title. This week, first day post kursus so definitely feel refreshed to do my work. This week been pretty good I would say with a good number (which I mean not too gigantically overload many as usual). 

Monday morning, I did my ump thing. Then the youngest fetch me for my appointment. Sounds weird that sentence so basically he's accompanying me. The 7 jabs (I think it was 7 I lose count. Haha.) was painful especially with my arm acting out. The obvious pain made it so grateful my brother was driving me back home. I did botox! Which is so weirdd. My arms are obviously much easier to manage in cases I don't need to struggle it to relax but doing some of normal thingys like tying my hair and wearing my armsocks are a bit of a struggle.  I wish my feet got a bit of botox but yeah the risk of struggling to walk. Never mind. Except my thumb is stuck in as always. Kah2. Someone's not chilling ey. Either way, it does feel like many years of muscle tightness relieve. The doctor said I'll see results in a week, so yeah lucky me in the next day. I don't know if it will be much softer but according to pharmacokinetics likely yeah before plateauing. Also, for the botox the specialist use ultrasound and for me that's kinda cool. I rested the night.

Tuesday, I was tired with a mild fever and sore throat. Haha. The pain was moderately there. Anyhow, it progress better. Wednesday was a full (normal working hours + locum) workday. A risk but I managed. Thursday nothing much except talking to my schoolmate which later the Friday morning I decided it the time to borrow her books like I mentioned to her. She such a cool person and I always wanted to be her since I know her. Haha. A great person and soul definitely. That Friday lunch break, I went out with my coworker. She rarely went out which made me grateful I asked her out for a desert date. I think she enjoyed it despite our taste buds are different. Still the food is yum. As I finish up my lunch, I was thinking if I should buy something for my schoolmate as I originally thought of gifting something when I return the book but as I was out, so conveniently I buy something now. The problem was I was so clueless about her taste of food. Is she okay with chocolate or fruits or nuts. So deciding on desert was a headace. Haha. Fortunately, from her ig reminded me she might like flowers so yeah flowers it is. I contemplatedd whether to spend 9 bucks for myself as well but I said if my friend deserve it, why not me too? So flowers for me it is too. And I'm a happy girl. Alhamdulillah. Ohh. I also buy peach strudel (Kenny) for my mom which a must because I know she loves it!

I was super exhausted the afternoon and slept in the night which made me didn't manage to do laundry that night which then the next morning, I didn't manage hang the clothes before I go to locum. My dad a life saver and I'm so grateful he helped me out. Love him to bitttss! Also, I hate others doing my laundry but desperate times. Huhu. The evening until night, we went out to my aunts with my cousin 2 weeks born baby. Got a bit of emotions bundle that little fella, But who can not love the little joy of life. Sunday, I thought I had the day to myself but we had a kenduri. So there's that. Still, today was super enjoyable and self focused still. I managed to watch Anyone But You after my afternoon nap. I hope for slow enjoyable days more In Shaa Allah. A thing during the kenduri, I talked to my bro. At moments, I pause I see around me and said I'm grateful for this moment right here. Also, I grateful for things to not pursue (I knew this back then just reconfirming the thoughts like subsconsciously is carthartic again and again). 

It's a rainy day today and I'm happy girl for my flowers. Kk.

TGiaH

3 workdays in KL

I literally have 5 minutes to write thisss. Oh S. Haha. When conversations becomes to fun, I become a posrponer. >< This week I managed to go to KL girll. A 3 days course in Kl, went everyday thru MRT. It was an experience. With everyone, feeling2 kerja2 KL vibe. The course was super fun and interactive too about Basic Graphic Design. My first time fully utilising my tablet, writing notes which is wowerz. Got the sharwarma (so-so), pistachio milkshake (digging the pistachio, but not so much on the sweetness).

Saturday, got to a acquittance wedding. Such an acquittance that she got my name wrong. But that's fine. Haha. I took 2 hours to go to her wed, which was supposed to be like 35 minutes. There was an accident involing a death which by the moment I saw the covered body, panas mataa. Huhu. Really death is closer that we think. Allah. Forgive me, us and everyone.

Sunday, went out for a morning jog which I explore a different route at my normal place. Then stopped by a cafe to get somehow I was craving cromboloni. So I got an almond chocolate one plus iced matcha latte which was good (maybe next time the matcha just a little tiny less sweet would be better, but it's already good enough). Cromboloni tasted like toasted bread. For me. At least my first and probably last for a while is good. Did some journaling and reading while I wait which is such a vibee. I loveeee my solo dates. Kk.

Swept the floors, clean the kitchen. Super productive. Also, hmm tomorrow botox day. Best prayers.

Literally literally late,

TGiaH

We were 17...

Down the memory lane a bit today as I am smiling at our awkwardness with our own high-schoolmates. How we were all once 17, now 28 the bros with their wives and kids, then just me and A sitting in our singleness somewhere far over their table. If we were all single perhaps the "seganness" might be a lil less, yet this is the beauty of different phases of lives paired up with the same age and then the different gender. Anyhow, found a video of us all back then, the funny faces, our youngster self, how could not I smile? I miss the times and I am happy now. 

Just reminded I started writing this when I was 19, and still going. Friday night was chaotic. I remember the Tuesday my friend with her sleepover + bridal surprise. I managed to put in a quick plan. Her with the balloons. Haha. The it's a girl balloon is so funnyy. Shopee same day delivery saved us. Haha. Then my lil outburst at the bakery over our received hideous cake, Alhamdulillah they fixed it. Also, my brain onto my tablet so the rush. KL at 2am. Haha. It's been 2 years ish since I met them. Andd a sisters breakfast date. 

I got  to go to course, as I planned to bring on my laptop somehow after consideration I though it's better to buy a tablet. And it arrivedd todayy. Phew. Alhamdulillah. Just I forgot to buy the screen protector so hope it manages to arrive fast too. As I'm going to be away during the ISO audit, I need to ensure the others that stay knows the process in and out In Shaa Allah.

Wednesday, I had a fever and it was my appointment day. Little I was able to recognize I was sick as when I woke up my heart felt heavy so I thought my instinct is telling something bad is gonna happen. Yet, I was sick so extra in tune and touchy with my feelings. The occupational therapist, he was nice excpet how he dismisses me to not cry which I proudly say it's my right and no one gets to tell me how I should or should not feel. Of course I said it in my own way. This session too I was able to detect the super stresses and some of my childhood wounds comes from my healthcare helpers. Though I didn't managed to write it down as I had a fever with I feel no energy to eat dinner (I barely ate that day). Alhamdulillah, I was well and back at my feet Thursday.

Anyhow, this week was eventful, memorable and fun. Alhamdulillah.  

Pink and cute at 3 in the morning,

TGiaH

A late night wedding, gam uhu

Sunday. 3.34pm. Only 6 minutes time for me to write before I rush to locum. Does S can make it? We'll see. So a 4 day work day this week, since Monday's public holiday for awal muharram. I did lose a bit track of which day (the side effects of Tuesday as your first work day. Pretty much rested after got back home after wok this week, with no dramas/movies. Hmm. To really disconnect from my phone. A goal I'm progressing on. Not to mentioned, fetching my lil sis from work. Ohh. She's sure a big story teller. Reminded me of me when I was her age. Still on my house + car phase. Haha. As if I have the money now. Then sudden kursus phase.

Like Friday my shoes has the 'wide mouth', new shoes vs gam uhu. So gam uhu it is. Training my mind as 'Psychology of Money'. 

Saturday (yesterday), went out to walk at Taman Saujana Hijau. Not as healing as the first walk 2 weeks ago, nevertheless it's an attempt. Then, had a schoolmate wedding which was at night. Little did I know she married to an arab. The simplicity of the wedding was ooohh I loved it. May Allah put barakah, sakinah, mawaddah to all the halal couples I know. So I slept late, despite that I walk around the neighbourhood this morning, sweep & cook until 10. Then, me time. 

3.43pm. let's gooo.

TGiaH

Cyber-cation & 9 parcels

A three days day off, five full days of work. Writing now, I forgot my work week except yeah busy as usual. I think I met some patient that was kind and how much I did my best, they made my day and I did theirs. 

Saturday was first morning locum shift after such longg. Then, a night kenduri kahwin. Guess I wore a shawl that night. I felt good. Then a major unboxing my online shopping haul of 9 parcels. Yes, this girl did some necessary shopping. Alhamdulillah.

Sunday - monday, staycation day. It was super short. I pretty much dive my way into googling properties to buy, slept but the highlight was morning swim. It's beeen such a long time. Being in water is a therapy, yet I missed nature's river. 

Went to visit L at his place. Haha. Funny so near his graduation was when I visited his place. It was in my thought since he got in. Anyhow, all the best for the exam. Congrats to S for getting her job! Alhamdulillah. 

Tuesday night,

TGiaH

An hour walk alone in nature + meal prep + dr's appointment.

One word. Healing. Went to Taman Saujana Hijau. I didn't know it was so close to my work place. Haha. In Shaa Allah, I may (keyword may) plan to go there after work. Just the morning air is just an irreplaceable. One of the most greatest creation the morning misty air in green while on a walk. Been on my want to do list for so long this year. Alhamdulillah, with 2 full weekend at home, I'm able to. Hope for more rezeki like this. Arrived there at 7.20 ish, all the designed car park were full except oku. But by the time I'm going back home (8.20 ish), it was even fuller. Haha. 

Swept the whole house when I got back. Made a tuna sandwich with lots of green. Getting my greens in which I craved. Then I crashed at 12.30. Somehow the upper part of my feet are a bit of in pain (macam urat tergeliat perhaps?). Did a little colouring + stretching before writing this. Ohh I bought 2 ebooks and transferred it to my sweet sweet kobo. Currently read Marie Kondo - Spark Joy. I used to save this book whenever I wanted more motivation to tidy, but I just decided to finish it up and if I want I can read the bits later. 

Did my lunch prep for next week. I hoped it works. Having Friday lunch call then the traffic jam at ioi then a spontaneous decision to go to alamanda for grocery shopping. I liked it. Washed my bed sheets & comforter since longg. Other than that, pretty much on the phone shopping for stuffs. Washed up (on Friday) & folded the pile of clothes (Saturday) ended my day late because of that. Ibu bought back loads of food from SPM celebration so yeah. Food for the day, done.

Monday this week was the busiest kswp shift I worked. Reminded me of my first kswp shift when it restarted again. Turns out yeah it was busy. I ended breaking my fast (food) near isya'. A sip of water & maghrib prayer was a luxury. Tuesday I went to appointments, somehow my intention was getting the doctor's review and opinion. Then, they really scheduled my a botox appointment and a bunch of other appointments (gulp, sighs). Turns out I have dystonic cp not spastic. Huu. Explains some of my difficulty. The more I try, the harder it gets. And hey my hand has a mind of its own. Cheeky little thing. 

Wedesday, somehow audit day. So I audit with a senior and junior pharmacist. Just I have my suspicions is my senior a lazy pharmacist or she's a bit berkira? I don't know. Wallahua'lam. Anyhow, I finished the report and did the best I can for the audit. I was totally knocked out the Tuesday night. I guess I was tired. Turns out I was a little sick. So I didn't fast on Thursday. Had our iftar jamaei, somehow I had energy to join. Friday, lunch call day. A thing I figured that day, I somehow voice out a little more than I prefer, anyhow it's a work in progress.

The full heavenly weekend is almost up, huhu.

TGiaH

Our first family flight again after 7 yearss (Sabah Tripp)

1.26pm My dream came trueee. Okay, let me write this statement because I guess this post I will be writing thru my phone. Wish I had 20 extra minutes to write on my laptop. Oh well. And yes, I skip last week writing turn and wrote it today. Okay, gotta go. 

2.33pm Somehow what I wrote vanished. Haha. Grateful I didn't write much. But with this whole chit chat in the car. Idk how much I'm able to write. Ahh. I don't feel like writing. Probably my head doesn't feel personal right now. 

A trip to Sabahh. A spontaneous decision. Haha. Yet it was so wonderful. So Friday morning went in a rush with ordering sandwich from her & she was late. So we were out of the door 7.10am. As I wanted to left my car at home. So she went with me. And turns out a secret (which I got to know later), she left her phone at home. Haha. Somehow she made her way home with my car from my workplace safely. 

4.48pm The sandwiches were great. Kinda like Mcspicy. At near 6 ish, went to the train station by Grab. The Chinese driver was friendly. Had a good chat with him. It's been a while I chatted with a Grab driver. At the station, first on KLIA transit. I loved the train ride. Surprisingly it was shorter than I imagined. 

Finally, at KLIA. Did a little exploring, before my family arrived at 7.30pm. Haha. A little too on the dot this time. Same goes to the ride back home. Everyone was starvingg. Prayed maghrib+isya' at one of the waiting lounge. Didn't expect praying out in the open in Malaysia itself. Hmm. 

Flying MAS domestic. Wahh. I loved it. Except the food could be a little more delicious. Got the emergency seat seats & the backest seat. The emergency seat legroom was luxuryy. Had juice. Wahh. Ohh. Just poor my family, the people at the back seat was too loud & bothering all other passenger. Please be mindful ye. 

Arrived at the homestay in KK after a bit of a search inside the compound. The house was a small fit but still able to fit us all. Waking for subh, a bit of late morning. Woke up at 6. Huhu. My mom was sick the whole day. So the start of the trip was late. Checked out at 1, went to Philippines market. Lunch at the food court. After the market shopping, the journey to Kundasang begin. Arrived at 8 ish (Kiram Vilage) When I got the keys and ushered to our cabin. The land was so prettyy. And our cabin is so cute. The dad the masterchef cooked the food my mom wanted. Sotong masak kunyit.

Day 2 in Sabah. The most can-not miss thing is Desa Dairy Farmm. So on we go. Grateful my mom was feeling much better. After spending hours there, cow visiting, 2x gelato, cheese tasting, on we went to lunch on a bus. I didn't plan on lunch outside but everyone was too lazy to go back home so yeah. The food was decent on the tongue, heavy in the pockets. Overall, I love the experience. The place was well kept. 

Then, after some thoughts I decided on Ranau Fish Spa. Despite the light rain, my family had so muchh funn. After the scare goes away, the fun begin. I loved the scenery. Seeing my family laugh, having fun. Then to War Memorial. And to Bataras & back home. Bbq + plato game night. A memory. 

Eid morning, an unplanned hike to Mesilau peak before back home for Eid prayer where I annouced the surprise business class for all of my family. Haha. Guess I booked a business class at last. A slow morning yet full. Checked out right before 12, a quick photoshoot around the beautiful Kiram village. After zohr at Masjid Jamek Kundasang, went back to KK. The journey didn't feel so long like the way up as we went to Pekan Nabalu first. 

As we fly back home, business class was worth the price just I hoped it can be much better. Hot buns on a plane. A super treat. Across the trip, feeling the immense feeling. I just feel so grateful to Allah for giving me the money & chance to gift my family this. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah.

 

Arrived home,I guess this is it. 

TGiaH

Returned books after 15 years.

4 days of work. Work's been good. I noticed somehow I more into giving the best for my patients, except the downside by afternoon by battery runs down. I guess this past week and upcoming, I'm a bit more into work. I took up one of my friends shift that she offered, and today (sunday) work and tomorrow another extended shift. I really hope I can really get into the habit, less screen time, sleep early, wake up early habit. I wanna really take care of myself, while growing, learning and taking care of others. And of course healing. I'm scared of the loads of work, and it's okay. 

I received lots of my shoppings orders this week. The biggest purchases are the 3 size luggage and my new kobo ereader. The luggage are so nice, while the kobo which I'm most most expected was a bit of a downfall in terms I prefer the colour and buttons of my old ereader. I didn't know white and black make so much difference, other than that I'm pretty much like it. It's faster, organised, coloured highlighter (!!), perfect size and Alhamdulillah I have no problem uploading my books from my laptop to my kobo. The casing colour also get  a bit of getting used too.

Manage to put in a bit of sweeping the house this weekend (part of my morning family contribution part). I just wonder if I'm lazy, I guess I am in some sense where I have my lazy and non-lazy days. Still a work in progress. For my family's angkat nikah in the afternoon & dua selamat+tahlil+aqiqah at night. Reach home by 1 yesterday. Alhamdulillah my cousin's rezqi getting to go to hajj 1 week before the last flight. (Got the offer tuesday for next tuesday's flight). Who knew? Allah knew. 

Long due book,

TGiaH

Fired up + shopping (dopamine) rush

I've got my Kayali perfume although it's not as strong, sweet and long lasting as my decant, the notes smelt the same. So I guess it's a steal. I don't know about this week probably got this drive to shop, probably the pre-travel shopping rush. But know what, I had this strong urge to bid the MHupgrade for my family's ticket. Business class for the whole fam? Ahh. A dream. Though the short flight + domestic + MAS newer flight no so business-classy? Still 4 digits. Had serious debate on it since Friday night after work. Haha. Alhamdulillah it cool down. But because my beloved Crema won't work. Huhu. So yeah on a ebook reader hunting. Somehow I decided on one just wanna see 6.6 got more discounts or not. Along with that, I did a whole bunch of shopping. Things I need & better I buy but pending sort of stuffs. So big purchases this month. Oh my credit card. Don't know if it's related but got my period yesterday afternoon which is 4 days early. Haha.

Somehow this week, I did feel like my period symptoms. Lethargic. Uuu. The short escape to the salon on Saturday between the konvokesyen & locum was heaven. The massages was well needed. Decided to go cause of my hair tips are damaged again. Huhu. Probably fungal. After 1 year of long hour. It's back, so chop chop. Just a 1 cm trim. Another thing, I got mad first time in a while. Still part of me wish I had better control, but I'm saying to myself it's okay. The story of closing my bank accounts. BSN? A divine breeze. Bank Islam? Good service. Bank Rakyat? Literally ask me to go to Pahang to close my account. Then suggesting to me like do you really wanna close it? Blaming me for not having a account book. Then when I said Bangi is not like this. Then go to Bangi la. Like what? My hands were shaking so much for keeping in my anger. After talking to my parents and reading their replies out load, a tear or 2 had escape. Explaining how much anger I had. Still, I spoke kindly though it's crystal clear I'm upset. The flying pen incident, I can't blame it got stuck. Haha.

Okay la. My three days (well one cause I work Sat & Sun), is coming to an end. Huhu. Just the thought of the konvokesyen. Social impact. We really need more of it. Solving.

Brain on the ereaderr,

TGiaH

PBAKL on a weekday

1 hour before locum, suddenly decides to have coffee so while to kettle's running, let's finish this under 10 (I wish!)

(back with coffeee) Monday, Tuesday - actual work. Wednesday - wesak day. I don't remember what's wesak day is, I think some perayaan. I really need to google it up later. Haha. Was a half productive day, while most the afternoon until night I laze around. I realised I don't have much to spend my free time other than work. I guess work creates that balance for the rest I need. Anyhow, it was my last lazy day of the wee as others turns out to be not such a rest day for me.

Thursday - after a slow morning, I went to rehab hospital to get an appt for my cp. Aww. Everyone was so kind. There was quite ample of morning & everything was such a smooth sailing. They inspired me do a better job as a pharmacist. That day I was fasting, and had a little iftar jamaei. It was nice. I remember the puring rain was so drilling up until 6.30pm which was a little better. 

Friday - went to the book festt. It was the first day, and weekday. Actually originally planned with my siblings for weekend but as I had my day off on Friday it work out well. We planned to arrived by 10. I guess we were like 30 minutes ish late. Anyhow, we were in a rush cause I planned we need to get home before 1 for H's solat jummat. Guess they did held one there (one with across the hall up until the stage). By the time it was 2 ish, H was waiting outside while me & S just did our first book purchase. Haha. Went out to eat dubuyo & ilao ilao, when they had an emergency alarm + annoucements + shutters close down the mall. Haha. It was an experience. Also, having to evacuate the mrt to ride the next was still a puzzle for all the passengers the morning. Anyhow, I didn't expect to arrive home at 7 & forgot about al-kahfi. 

Saturday - the tiredness obviously carried on here. Went out for 2 feasts for the day. Fuhh. With the heat, all you just wanna do is hibernate when you get home. Sunday - laundry + locum day. Ughh. I can't believe my days off are over. Haha. I'm not in the process of trying to read more, do more phone fasting, and bed at 10. Ohh. This week originally plan for a short trip to Ipoh but with spending much for Sabah, I had to think it over. Somehow, it work out well. In Shaa Allah, next time. Butt then yesterday I bought a Kayali perfume (I loved the scentt). Haha. Still it was an expensive perfume at reduced price. Same tactics I did with my Sometimes bag. Hope it works. Aamiin.

20 minutes writing and I really should be going,

TGiaH

12 hours without my phone, a trip to Sabah?

This week's update. Ceh. Work somehow was much relaxed in a sense I was not put in the high demand position. Had worked until 9.30pm on monday. 3 different lunch calls this week. I wasn't entirely there at work this week. Because somehow my spontaneity jumped in and I searched on flights to Sabah. Haha. Found a relatively on the cheaper MAS flight with great timing for 3 days vacay for the 7 of us. Somehow it was not my rezqi for that price. Walauwey the damn website increasing the prices by the minute I fill in the details. 

I ended up buying the tickets after seeing my mom message ahh, she wants it. So yeah I purchased it with a bit of a higher price (addition of RM60/person). How I wish I can experience business classssss. Anyhow, I'm still grateful I can afford. Haha. Actually I have no plans to save up another trip this soon. So I guess this is where this month's salary goes to. I even finished up booking the places, rough itinerary. Just need to settle to book the cars. Wow, girl. All in the week. I can be really fast when somethings on my mind and I couldn't get off.

The ride this week, I remember feeling defeated & tired with the tickets battle, then rather quickly catch myself (haha. I didn't had the chance to actually cry). the overload thoughts on the trip. Seems like a simplified version when I taaruf someone. Stages of stress? Idk. Haha. Still I am so tired this week. Like I didn't get enough sleep. Caught the sick on friday. Alhamdulillah, manageable. 

I forgot to renew my roadtax last week, despite the calender reminder. Lol. So I settled it on wednesday too. Alhamdulillah, roadtax free. 

Ooo. At work got new label printers which the sounds they make are so cutee. And I finally gave back my friends tupperware without food. Huhu. 

Spending too much time on the phone for these thingys. So somehow I left my phone at locum last night and just got it back this morning.  I become more aware how reliant I am for my phone. But waking up without my phone alarm this morning is an experience. And sleeping without scrolling my phone. The whole I don't have a phone auto makes me divert to other activities, more present and have more time. I loved it except when I needed it for things. Haha. 

Yesterday, crossing the language barrier of dispensing. I'm like wahh. I loved it. From sign language to braille, to mandarin and tamil. I realised I want to close the gaps. Help these patients better. For their better health. Heathcare wih health and a smile. :)

A better pharmacist,

TGiaH.

Tidying my instagram

Sunday 6.28pm, writing this. Let's get to this week's recap.

Monday, half day. Having the prp to attach with me. Catched up with the class. Got back home, slept. Blogged the night for last week's. Tuesday, huh. I barely remember. Wedsnesday, program day after short recap, I let him do the ump. Praying to Allah please smooth, no mistakes. Shouldering the responsibility tu. Fhh. I remember my first person gone to surgery so guess I am in charge for a while. Alhamdulillah2 so much this week's parcel is so much lesser so I had time to do other jobs. Alhamdulillah. I really hope this is a blessing. 

Thursday, got my period while at work. I doubted a bit when I was cramping cause I didn't feel the wetness of the blood. I did checked right away so it didn't stain. Another Alhamdulillah. That night suppose to have a personal coaching session, somehow turn into a small 10-15 minutes talk then got cut off by zoom. Left with coach asking to do my assignment. I didn't know the last class had an assignment catching the word homework and assignment. I know I'm gonna do it. Just I like to focus more on the 100 shadow question, and coach's assignment doing it for progress's sake. I don't want to be left out of class, and having other things I wanna prioritise is valid. 

Friday, pkd jamuan's day. I didn't know there was a best dress. Yet, I'm glad I wear decent. I really should up my appearance game. Presentable, nice, cozy, comfortable, confident. I still wear clothes that has worn out. Ahh. I wish to spend a bit time to invest in that. Still, now is better than before. Lol. No money la during uni days. That save the money habit is going a long way ey. The feast starting a little late. But had to 10minutes back to nap. A blessing. 

One of junior is having a doctor hit on her. I was the only one knowing other than the pf whom the dr ask whether she's single. I am a little cautious cause the dr ask from a dance video. I congrats her so having an admirer. Just she honestly said she just wanted to focus on her prp. Yeah, I know that feeling. On friday, she ride with me and we talked about it. I advice her hopefully it's gonna help her situation. Seeing the situation although a little jealous, I grateful I'm not her. Her situation is a little sticky. Hope it goes well. Aamiin.

That night, I downloaded my instagram app, after scrolling somehow having somekind of superpower to tidy my following account. I still haven't totally decided what I want to do with it, what is this tool and how I'm gonna use it. Just how many people I follow are important to me? And I'm important to them? The habit of scrolling semi-consciously, unnoticed comparison. I didn't realise I am more liberated of marriage idea once I took a break from instagram. Dunno if it's a good thing of bad. Just it is what it is. Haha. I imagine yeah I probably gonna marry old so..? Some I no longer remember the accounts are there, some are like ahh I missed this person. Should do this clean up whenever necessary. 

Saturday. Got up at 8am. The day before this weekend something for me, something for the house. After 1 hour-ish for myself, I swept the floors. I continue the time for myself after that, I liked slow mornings. So while I was doing stretches I fall into a relax, sleep. I felt good. Even today. I woke up at 9am Had an amazing day. A two full day of weekend is a blessing. I did the homework, submitted. Helped my dad cooked. Coloured. The night at mak tam's. Then plato with my two siblings. It was fun! 

Though the 2ish I started sleeping, so I early forgave myself I probably won't be morning walk at the park as I plan. But it's okay. Hence, the 9. Laundry, sweeping. Time for myself. Except I did got carried away by plato. A reminder to discipline. Still the dopamine injection. Sokay. It's gonna go. Afternoon, a bit of k-drama. Time just flies. Now here, I am. After this to bath, fold the clothes, night a little colouring. I probably didn't realise the time on instagram + plato . I had the extra time without, so with it now. The time has gone. Hmm. To more pondering about this.

Did I say, I had one of the most amazing, inner child meditation/healing/crying/reaffirming/realising/let go. It was kind of a high. It felt good, loved. I am healing. In Shaa Allah, aamiin. 

30 minutes more writing this, haiyaa.

TGiaH

Cooked for the pharm fam

Monday. Took a 40 minutes detour before writing this. Anyhow, I'm still proud for doing this every week. Wuhuu. Last week, had ph on Weds. Made it to a friends house. Kinda wahh. She invited me & I loved the ziarah. My deskmate. <3 Someone someone was 2 hours late. Haha. So in turn I got in a rush which turns out my father got the date wrong for his friend's open house. Either way, we still made it there. 

Saturday, same. Raya-ing. Cousin then with my mom. Then, locum. Raya-ing although just visiting, eating, driving, talking. Man. It's tiring. I like it just then I need another day to recharge before I can do it again. Haha. So guess Sunday, suddenly becomes my day in. I did locum again. Didn't manage the time to blog, so here's to Monday.

Took a half day today. My job today was much smaller than usual. Not much patient to post. Teached a prp, small talks. Then 1pm punch out, a drive home. Ahh. Didn't expect I was sleepy though. Fuhh. Alhamdulillah still safely home. After a 2 hours nap. Lunch. Did the chores. Darussyifa'. Then, here I am.

Just during maghrib, I got to know Uwan has passed away. Inna lillahi wainna ilaihi rajiun. Felt the tinge. I had the rezqi to talk to her during raya. Sitting by her side. Getting the warm fuzzy loved feeling from her story & advice. I did wrote a bit about her in the previous post. Reminded of last year, kinda similar rezqi/situation. All in all, jannah to all my grandparents either close or distant. In Shaa Allah, all of us united there. Aamiin.

Oh I nearly forgot, we did potluck on Friday. I cooked nasi arabb. Did some preps the night before (I felt I pretty much was in the kitchen after work-maybe that how amazing wife & mother doo which I can't imagine being that amazing) & woke up at 5. Somehow got the rezqi of lunch call. So work ended 2.45pm. Same. I slept once I hit home. Haha. Wished I can sleep less, but I know I am a sleeper. 8 hours princess. Huhu. The foods tumpah twice btw. Anyhow, I'm grateful & proud of myself for managing it.

To my sleep,

TGiaH

Needle in carpet

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah manage 4 days of 6 days syawal fasting. Despite feeling not well. Monday after kedah was a struggle. I think I caught the heat wave. Fever + ulcer. Contemplating of fasting of tuesday, deciding I'll try if can not I can break fast. Somehow manage day 4. 

Friday, clinic raya gathering. Malay classic. I wore my 10 year baju kurung, a gift from my aunt. It's been 1 years since SPM. Fuhh. How time flies. The jamuan was great! Manage to finish the check & found. Huhu. I hope I did it right. Hopefully. Uuu. I did some sales on Monday & Friday. *pats in the back*

Yesterday, open house for family. Somehow turn out to the most chilled open house we had in years. Food overload so had to ask for back up. We cooked so much like there's a mini event. (I even joke my father mcm majlis. Haha.) Alhamdulillah. After gifting the food, there's more. Haha. Anyhow, I'm grateful there wasn't more than that. Several improvement for next year. Still Alhamdulillah. 

Had a needle prick my big toe's nail. Ouch. Just really glad just me & my sister got caught in it. Not the guest. F come Alhamdulillah. Though my high school friend whom I haven't met in 4 years, come around the same time. Had lots of funn. Just went on to F a little late. F also seem to enjoy her time. Abah got a little carried away with Y. Haha. So cute. Y really seem like a good good kid.

Today, sunday. Wind down & rest. Though did went to pondok unais. Ahh. Pretty much it. Around this week, I don't remember which few days contemplating on removing my following & unfollow for my peace of mind. In the end, I decided to do it anyways. Ig is still very much my choosen circle, people I choose. So I can. If they wanted to, we can always follow back the time then. For now, for the better, not.

My tidy room,

TGiaH

Weekend in Kedah

Started work again at Wedsnesday. Alhamdulillah work is good. Somehow I managed to pitch some sales on Friday Alhamdulillah. Proud of myself. After a week long break, Alhamdulillah I picked myself at Mon-Tues from lazy era. Moving around and getting things done is a cheer up.

Saturday 3am ish. Otw back to Kedah. Breakfast at cousin in Penang, then Pak Lang's house with little R. After a shower & rest, visiting family's house after house. Alhamdulillah, short, sweet, chill. Just a lot of food stuffing which I need to put in more intention to eat after this. 

Sunday 9ish, otw back. A stop at the market and 10, we were off. I'm glad L is with us, helping us in driving. My dad's slip disk.. Worrying.. Huhu. Smooth traffic free journey, except KL got a bit of jam. J=Haha. Arrived Bangi around 3. 

Loved the journey. Much rabbi inni lima azalta ilaya min khairin faqir. Been a year since I was in Kedah. I must say the heat... I am a little more appreciative of a good temperature now. But the night's are cooler than Bangi. Missed tahajud this morning.. My phone in my bag. Didn't realised it was 6. While little R, intelligent kid just losing parents at a very young age. I learn how much I am kind to kind while trying to be gentle, teaching them good values. R needs parent figure. Discipline another word. In Shaa Allah, Allah will protect and guide him.

Early sleep,

TGiaH

Move on..

A lil detour from my previous post. Gonna write a few things down. Ahh. So not in the mood of writing but still at this point laying down in bed seems unappetizing either. Getting something down is much better. 

No one tells us how moving on is hard. No two is the same. This one though much lighter than the previous one (cause the guy is so not worth it), still as much as I want it to away with the wind as fast as possible it's not. 

There gonna be moments, dips and peaks to the process. Some time I feel totally fine, some other time I question myself why I miss the moments. I miss commenting on his sister in law's ig story, knowing what the little ones are up too, chatting over whatsapp, having that person I trust and relied on. The person I thought was a friend, a middle person, a neutraliser between me and him. Gone. And I have nothing to do but accept it. That we never were friends, I somehow realised I was the only one that thought we were. It hurts. I trusted her. Oh god. Even writing this, I'm crying. She's not in my circle of friends, still I trusted her like a friend. To be clear, she's not a friend-friend. If not the hurt would be much greater. 

I prayed the best for her, a better for her and her family even she stabbed me by treating me like a total stranger. How much it hurts, remembering the times. Suddenly a total stranger. Until today, I don't know she did that except from misunderstandment and taking sides. What's wrong with explaining to me so that I understand? I didn't even have a clue they needed time to discuss, no one told me. I was confused and blur. And she's a part of it. Perhaps in her pov, it was the best without knowing how much it impacted and hurt me. She missed out my side. The fact she got mad at me and dismiss my terkilan feelings fuhh. That's a big stab. 

To categories this, this is a wound of mistrust/betrayal. Even small might just be an misunderstanding. The fact that I could no longer contact her (to prevent a bigger misunderstanding like I wanna pursue) and she with no effort want to mend things. How horrible things ends. It's crystal clear their family cut ties with us, so there's nothing I can do. I'm the only one hoping a good relation. All in all, Allah knows better. 

If I miss them (or memories), the only thing I can do is make dua. The silent gift of a believer. I can't ever ever purposely watch their instagram. The only thing that will do is backlash on my moving on and healing journey. 

Badly wanna heal,

TGiaH

Transitioning from Ramadhan to Syawal

Eid Day 5. Hmm. I guess there's a few things on my mind yet I have such a short time before going to work at 5.00pm. It's 4.07pm now. Yikes. 

The commote to & from work was heavenly this week. And the slow paced work kinda give a rest pause buton. Last night of Ramadhan (monday), probably went to Al-Umm. Didn't prayed 20 rather I was praying solat hajat over and over then speed finishing my tadarus. I feel like I haven't really make that big massive chunks of doas as I intended. I do have my dua list I recite every day & night. Just.. It wasn't enough (like it ever was enough).

The last day of Ramadhan, got to go back a little early at 4 (can be earlier but I'm saving my off hours). Then right on time to break fast at mak teh's. Hadn't had much but it was enough. My non-muslim cousin cme and it was a treat to have them. Waiting whether it was the last night of Ramadhan or first of Syawal.. I was hoping for another day. It was when I prayed maghrib at surau, during my sujud, the takbir was heard. I was kinda panicking at the kalimah allah that isya' might came already but it hit me than Ramadhan has ended. Oh the sadness. Oh Allah. Weeping away my tears. I really hope for a next Ramadhan.

Continue after locum..

More like continuing the next afternoon..

Wesdnesday. First day of eid. Me & my sister had a little figuring out hijab styles at the bathroom of masjid besi. Haha. It is one of the moment I find sweet. Our raya clothes matched so well. The ladies & gent. Even though I am tbh, a little pinched by my father's expectation. Fuhh. He needs to learn it's okay wearing a little less fancy as long as the person's wearing loves it. But reminding every year wasn't enough so yeah. At least this year, I scored the save the bucks point. And the pictures turns out so nice la the clothes. So I'm extra proud of it. 

Ahh. It's gonna be a long post if I'm keep going like this.

After quick photoshesh, back home to our neighbours house. Then back home, MAKE UP my lil sis. My make up I mean putting on foundation only but oh boy I'm a proud big sis. I wore mediheal face mask the day before and sis wore no makeup except lip matte cause her skin was good (plus probably my skin decide to behave. Haha. Alhamdulillah.) I had my first period drop on Eid night. Uuu. The one thing I'm a bit upset when I opened my instagram after a month is how I just knew that first Eid night is mustajab dua. Huwaa. Moments I regret not opening instagram. At least the most important duas I did. The best death & next Ramadhan. May Allah be pleased.

Then to my my dad's friend's house. Wah. I meet with someone with same travel aspiration like me. Back home then after nap, hurried to Seremban. Had an unexpected jam. After a long time, met Uwan. Ahh. I love talking to her. One of the moment I remember being a pharmacist is good. Good job, helping others, and in times deciding. I know right the part I love about my job is how I can help others. Just the clinic settings, I think the pharmacy knowledge is shrinking. I don't know much like how much I like to know. Also Uwan mentioned 27 is a good age to be married. Haha. Uwan doesn't know I'm 28. Haha. Well, 27 going 28 at the end of this year. 

Then mak teh's house. Uuu. I love the big gathering. Me & sis, helped with a marathon of dishes. A def memory too. Sweet. The good good food. And the big family picture! Alhamdulillah about mak tam. 

Day 2.. Cont after picking up my clothes first..

Okay, so day 2. Had a major savior the night where I iron my hijab then there sparks from the wire. So grateful I wasn't hurt. Alhamdulillah. After this and that, managed to iron my hijab in the end. Day 2, Perak day. Went to dad's friend then foster families. Nap a bit a the third house. The heat. Fuh fuhh. At night was at the orang tengah's house. It's a tradition every eid night we went. This year, only the parents were home. My family prayed first then greeted by pak cik's F then while waiting for my family member's to finish praying, I salam mak cik's N and she hugged me long and snuggly tight. I felt her sorryness from the hug. I was neutral throughout the visit, except one moment I reminisce the past and felt slight sadness. It was when mak cik's N mentioned kak K's pregnancy I felt pain. I'm still curing the pain from her. Happy but sayu. That is how I felt.

Had a little convo among the parents, exchanging thank you, sorry, a little blame depa yang bersungguh, something better will come. Except from the slight blame (I know it's blame-blame just penyedap hati), I was okay with everything. Oh and except my father told about the wakaf thingy. Allahu. I hope he didn't bring that up. But Allah's knows best. When it was time to go home, I salam mak cik N she said sorry which I feel please don't. Allah knows you did your best. Just there are certain things you don't know. From my mouth, I said thank you for everything cause without lying that's I honsestly feel. With her sincerity, thank you so much (except I forgot to say sorry too). She said don't "nanti mak cik nangis/sedih". I held myself back there. On the chair outside, I talked a bit with her about the car. Also, she said mak cik doakan jodoh baik dunia akhirat buat S. Please do, I need the duas cause honestly now and particular that day I don't feel like searching or marriage at all. I just wanna enjoy my life. Mcm anak sendiri.. I felt the love and care.. Honestly, the best I can pay back is prayer for her and all. 

That day, mak teh tapah also adviced if there's a good man come for your hand in marriage, terima je. Hellp. I'm scared. Haha. Also nenek before salam, ada dah ke. Belum.. Ghisauu. Visited the graves, al-Fatihah. My aunt talk about the land. If rezeki, biiznillah. 

Day 3. Slept in. Ibu abah and the boys settled errands in Malacca. Then visited my dad's side here. Visiting the sick. Day 4. Day in. Honestly no battery was drained. Day 5. Visiting the sick, In Shaa Allah healthy again. Locum.

Day 6. Monday. Day off. Healing.

Best duas,

TGiaH

The smell of baked cookies

Ahh. The smelt of the cookies in the oven baking. Natural perfume. Just so heavenly. Somehow my laptop is yet again disconnected to the wifi. So my plan to tax filing fail. I didn't realized I put it off for a month. I did fill it up on 2nd of March, then plan to recheck before submit but I guess I'm busy with the spirit of Ramadhan weehee. So yeah perhaps when I get to work at 5 today, I checked back.

Today is 3rd day before Ramadhan ends. 27th Ramadhan. So fast. I feel I did much yet I feel did so little too. Biznillah all my goals will be well accomplish. Just the moving on, letting go, forgiving part I need to remind myself it is a lifelong process. Even now, I'm major-somewhat over it, I never fully know. The scars will always be there despite the healed wound. I guess that's part of being human. Read a few pages of hlovate in an attempt to read more instead on my phone this morning. Let's say it's like sweet poison. Reminded so much how I wanted my romantic relation to be. 

Hmm. Probably another crying at the end of Ramadhan. Yet again. Huhu. Just hope every good, prayer accepted and the bad, not so good are 'afiat'ed.

A full week of work, I manage to survive. I still don't know where this talkative side comes over me when I've been quiet and pretty much reserved for a while. Just to say I don't quite like it because I overthink the things I say, critic and judge myself for saying my thoughts too fast even it's nothing just off topic to the situation. Let's say that's how auto run my mind is without pulling reins (imagining how riding a full run horse is. Haha.). I know I'm a good person, always trying to be good despite my dark sides of it. Quote Carl Jung here.

This weekend, managed to helped around the house a bit more, cleaning off the remnant miscarriage blood of a cat (an bloody yet pity experience), folding the clothes, sweeping the floor, cooking (I love cooking!). Just I have to recognize it is at the cost of giving up my me time for myself. I figured I need a balance between both. I need the weekend to do my stuff too also it's my time too to learn it's okay to rest. Everything doesn't have to be perfect. Also, did zakat harta last night just need to double check if the payment came through.

I did journaling almost every night this week (or was it every night), figured I need that added sort. My mum ask helped for the Palestinian eid packets so I gifted my friends some (the ones I have the addresses). I know it's so last minute, but why not the added charity? Remembering the love for our brothers and sisters there in the happy moments of our precious day. And even if my friends happens to have enough eid packets already, they perhaps can use it for next year.

A thing I was wondering today. Where is the line of taat? Taat to our parents, husband. It's something I've been struggling since I was little. I know for certain if it's within my capability, I definitely do without question. But if something I have my own opinion/plan, that is where the tricky part is. I thought of if the parents ask to be a doctor when the child has his/her own dream? It is a sin to not taat? Or if the child have a parent who have the tendency to structure the child's life to their own expectation een if the child if over the age of 18? I believe there's a fine line between it, an certain level of maturity, respect and understanding to it. It's not impossible but for certain perhaps it is. And with this I really hope I'll be a good parent one day. Although the thoughts scares the heck out of me. Haha.

4 ish. Gotta go. Work.

TGiaH