Move on..

A lil detour from my previous post. Gonna write a few things down. Ahh. So not in the mood of writing but still at this point laying down in bed seems unappetizing either. Getting something down is much better. 

No one tells us how moving on is hard. No two is the same. This one though much lighter than the previous one (cause the guy is so not worth it), still as much as I want it to away with the wind as fast as possible it's not. 

There gonna be moments, dips and peaks to the process. Some time I feel totally fine, some other time I question myself why I miss the moments. I miss commenting on his sister in law's ig story, knowing what the little ones are up too, chatting over whatsapp, having that person I trust and relied on. The person I thought was a friend, a middle person, a neutraliser between me and him. Gone. And I have nothing to do but accept it. That we never were friends, I somehow realised I was the only one that thought we were. It hurts. I trusted her. Oh god. Even writing this, I'm crying. She's not in my circle of friends, still I trusted her like a friend. To be clear, she's not a friend-friend. If not the hurt would be much greater. 

I prayed the best for her, a better for her and her family even she stabbed me by treating me like a total stranger. How much it hurts, remembering the times. Suddenly a total stranger. Until today, I don't know she did that except from misunderstandment and taking sides. What's wrong with explaining to me so that I understand? I didn't even have a clue they needed time to discuss, no one told me. I was confused and blur. And she's a part of it. Perhaps in her pov, it was the best without knowing how much it impacted and hurt me. She missed out my side. The fact she got mad at me and dismiss my terkilan feelings fuhh. That's a big stab. 

To categories this, this is a wound of mistrust/betrayal. Even small might just be an misunderstanding. The fact that I could no longer contact her (to prevent a bigger misunderstanding like I wanna pursue) and she with no effort want to mend things. How horrible things ends. It's crystal clear their family cut ties with us, so there's nothing I can do. I'm the only one hoping a good relation. All in all, Allah knows better. 

If I miss them (or memories), the only thing I can do is make dua. The silent gift of a believer. I can't ever ever purposely watch their instagram. The only thing that will do is backlash on my moving on and healing journey. 

Badly wanna heal,

TGiaH