The nerves of taking a driving test.

 I'm nervous. I'm anxious. I'm overthinking. Sadly but that's the truth. This past week since Monday, I've been thru positive and down episodes of passing the test. But I have to assure I'm doing the best I can and really truly believe that Allah gives what is best for me whatever that is. I fasted, I practiced, I prayed tahajud, istikharah, journalled, asking dua for my friend. I made a nazar to fast 3 days non continous if I pass the test. After the test, I want to rest. I want to stop feeling anxious. Feeling lighter finally. In Sha Allah.

Oh Allah,

I pray that I pass my jpj test on 2nd of March 2021

- That I am able to do every element properly, correctly without any mistakes.

- That I am able to do the test feeling calm and full reliance on Allah.

- That the jpj officers are kind and digerakkan hati to pass me the test (lulus jpj).

- That I deliver a clear speech without stutter.

- That someone kind will help me to put the steering knob securely.

- That I will gain confidence and peace from my extra class tomorrow.

- That my teacher will have sabar and talk nicely to me.

With passing this test, I'm grateful thankful that Allah always ease my affairs and allow me to help my family by having me to drive. And be the happy cheerful person I am. 

Please, Oh Allah. I'm desperate.

TGiaH

A Date + Overcoming My Fear

I decided to not write yesterday as I felt tired after a trip out eating with my friend (a staff at FN). Her words was jom dating. Haha. Alhamdulillah, I'm grateful of having friends, good people. Thought post trip, I did reflect a lot on my verbal skills. I hope I improve more and grow more mature in my selection of words and tone over time.

I thought of staying in bed early and sleep early. Instead I ended staying up later than usual. I was taking in my fears and talking to Allah about it. It was torturous but I got a lot off my chest which was the whole purpose of it. I don't remember the last time I cried so hard that my face was drench. Haha. I still feel down and worse when my teacher suddenly call talking about my driving test. (Writing the previous sentence gave me the scares just now.) Anyhow, I did some journaling before I started blogging. (I read back again and it gave my so much strength). The journal entry was positive, fearless. Describes how my life is under Allah's control. He is my rabb, my lord, my khaleq. And how I'm able to overcome this. 

What's the purpose of fear? Putting that question and remembering the answer gave my strength. Reminded me of how positive and strong I usual was. Slowly I can build up my threshold again. Biiznillah.

I can, indeed I can. No doubt.

TGiaH

Watching Wall-E

Today I cooked a dish for my family. It is one of those nothing barely in the kitchen but turns out yummy kinda dish which Alhamdulillah made me so so happy. I also helped with some orders and cleaning as usyal.

These days I'm into this Harry Potter kinda games which is so cool because it's like an adventure. Oww how I wish sometimes I can experience that kind of wizardry awesome world. Anyhow it's that kind of game that we have to wait longgg to go to the next chapter which Alhamdulillah is good as it curbs my gaming appetite.

I aldo found out that making a mini to do list the day before helps me a lot the next day. Like I actually look forward and find my life meaningful. Hehe. 

Another thing I did today is that I watched Wall-E. I actually wanted to watch Fantastic Beast but taught I should probably save it for another day. Anyhow, I vaguely remember the first and last time (before this round) was during my year 6 primary school school festival. I remember being so excited and emotional over it. Other than that, I don't really remember. 

Watching it again after almost 13 years, this movie has so many things I could learn. Like how life must've been with Wall-E on his own (this hits me because it made me so single), the whole romance is so ughh cute and innocent from this I reminded of the movie The Passenger. It is important isn't it to have a life partner? Another is how important work is for us. Like ughh sitting around no need chewing, walking of sorts? Leaving us with bunch of overloaded fats. Hence, I am grateful for working.

Anyhow, I submitted another resume. If it's the best, Allah knows either way.

So singleee,

TGiaH

P/S: I just remember today's Valentine. Lol. After looking at Instagram.

Virtual convocation?

Today something funny happened. IIUM announce a virtual convocation for us but suddenly saying the announcement was a mistake. Lol. I don't how I really feel about a virtual convocation. I think I feel fine or a bit relieved because I don't like going up the stage or having to pose for pictures. I just want some tulips. Lol. And feel how holding a robe & scroll feels. 

I guess there's little hope for a real convocation despite having the survey to postpone. Anyway, Allah knows best. Having me finishing my studies in pharmacy is soo a miracle which I should always be grateful and thankful. Alhamdulillah.

I decided to apply for a job. I'm kinda positive I'll get in. But again, Allah plans whatever it will be the best. I'm so feeling monotonous these past few days except Friday where I was hype up having interview and yesterday from meeting the staffs from FN. 

I'm suddenly reminding of my father's health. Sometimes it seems it would be counting days judging from his overworked body. Idk if I'm ever ready for the time comes or I even doing a good job as a daughter. Sometimes I do feel pathetic. I wish there's much more I can do. But also I just feel I'm not doing my best.

Okay la. I should go.

Don't ever think you're not,

TGiaH