A serabut mind + a pounding heart

I just need to write. Really need to write. I wish I had my journal with me (crying internally). Until this Friday, my anxiety is gonna bother me. Ahh. First of all, I have this mock up proposal presentation tonight (then the actual presentation this Friday). Ahhh. I dread research until the freaking worm's hole. Then, RMTAC is pressuring me for the presentation. Kukuku. Seriously, I just don't want that now. 

To add to all that, I got fined for parking. What the freaking hell? Hello. It's not my fault I had to parked there. Andd it's not never was like that. My first parking fine in history. Huhu. I had to learn to do an appeal and hey how to freaking pay for this. I tried and it fail. Like what? Why? I hoped the appeal works. My precious RM 50. And pleaseee come up with a better system to pay if you're gonna fine someone. Duh. Maybe the hikmah is I learn to do this thing and I also remember my last month for rent in Putrajaya.

Feeling a bit better, 

TGiaH

I thought it was kambing but turns out to be ayam mendhi.

I left my last post hanging. Kyaa. And guess who two big fat days to rest? Me. (Sunday + Thaipusam.) Was supposed to met with a friend here and there but my schedule shifted. I met with F Monday evening after work sooo I cleared up my Tuesdayy. Now it's Sunday night and I can't wait for the holidays again. Boohoo. 

You know what? F is getting marriedd. My lil high school babe has all growned up. Andd I'm gonna help a bit here and there which I'm so happyy she asked me for help. Hehe. Also, I'm one of the first few friends she told so of course I terharu. 

So fast forward Friday night. Had an ustaz came to treat to make my jodoh smoother, I guess. I didn't know it was a thing. But as long as no simpang2, all is good. My family got treated too so Alhamdulillah. I did cry a bit that night cause I feel I troubled my parents because of this. They so so badly want me to get married that now by Sunday I feel pressured. Like yesterday with the meet up (sure funny about the qr thingy). I just wanna chillax on this journey but still put in a bit of effort, is that okay? I'm not rushed but okay in the end of the day, at least I neither too eager on the idea nor reject the idea.

We had a kenduri with fam at Sepang. It certainly felt good meeting the fam. Good stories. Andd I felt more confident with my outfit for the weekend. I had to release few emotions the evening.

I also catch up on a few of my friends online. That was good, did my logbook a bit and that's pretty much wrap my weekend. 

Work is good btw.

TGiaH

My first Starbucks

I'm a work, K3 and I planned to blog but I forgot. So now few minutes until my lunch break, I'm writing this. Kakaka. Woops. Had to dispense some meds. I don't think I can write this, maybe tomorrow. Huhuhu.

Basically last week had discussion on research, so the weekend we need to finish update it. Ahh. I freaking hate this research. So 

A new 2022

My room's a mess (my work all over my bed and a pile of laundry I just pickup, though I must say I swept the floor already this morning), but I have to write this due post before it gets more due.

A new year already though it doesn't feel like it for me. I don't remember is my theme & goals last year though I did achieve some unwritten ones I must say like having my car, manage to setup my emergency fudd, passed hospital, join a lot of classes. Maybe last year theme was growth.

So... I need to setup a new theme & goal. I guess this year would be "Confidence" something I noted during my counseling session. I feel like I'm less which I'm not. So I have to do a lot of self-love activities. Journal, self-love affirmation, read. I would to goal on those. Another is to keep my space tidy so my head up here is also tidy. I realise I'm a bit lost of my life but it's okay. It's okay. Another thing I would like to is a lot of  deep breaths and using the tasbih digital. And... perhaps getting married this year? Maybe.

I also would like to fix my parent's kitchen with the rizq In Sha Allah. While financial, emergency to 2 digits perhaps, try going to stocks perhaps.

Oh damn, I've tried to list the goals but I realise it's much of a daily basis. Oh well. 

Let's go,

TGiaH