Being grateful plus clingyy.

I realised I'm clingy. Haha. Or just become less shameful about it. Oh gosh. I realised while I stared at the ceiling Friday night before Saturday, I have so many things to be grateful for. The people I connect here at hpj, the ability to afford a room and the food I want, to have a car which works every day. The leisure time to rest. Tears started running down my cheeks that night while my roommate still asleep. 

But on the weekend, I waste so much time. I struggle to find structure. The routine I once loved. It feels my self fades away from that. But then again, I go to that phase every few months. I sometimes really wish I have a partner who cuddles me in bed, who I can just talk the gibberish things I always tend to talk, but sometimes again I feel not ready. Coz I'm lazy and unproductive and I don't know why. I wish a partner comes easy but maybe Allah is saying I really not ready yet. I invest so little in myself nowadays. I need to read, I need to grow, I need to explore. Lifting myself from the ground below. Looking from above, fly. 

And I need to write,

TGiaH

Changes that happened to me - Being at blur and daze

 I try to keep on writing every week even though I don't know what to write. I feel a bit at a blur sometimes. Not in tune with anything. I certainly do feel happier at the hospital with S and now E joining the crew. We had late lunch together and went out to Friday lunch together. S searching for me to just tell her story was just so happy for someone to do that to me. I feel I have friends and people who need me. Something I realised now I didn't have at the clinic.

My family & I went for a dinner at the Pakistani restaurant yesterday. I got to talk a lot in the car and it feels like I certainly do miss the talks especially with my sister. Thursday was hari Malaysia and guess what this week requirement went so well and we decided Thursday is our day off and the whole weekend Alhamdulillah.

I feel that pang of sadness when I see that person and how the person treats others but me differently. I hope it goes away. I really do. I'm worth much more than this. I do.

3 days off,

TGiaH

The 1 month mark (hospital attachment)

One month has passed. This week was good. Made new friends. I feel happy at work though stress is non-nego. The Thursday DD indent day was super busyy. But also the sweetest day. The first time I saw the hospital store and red newborns. My heart just went aww.

Me & my twin. Im really glad, grateful I have her. Hopefully next week is better, so I can get the Thursday off!

On the phone,

TGiaH

Merdeka at hospital.

 Sleepy. Basically I work from Sunday until Saturday this week. Chasing counseling for logbook. Overall, I'm grateful for this week. Manage to go to kk on Friday. Farewell food for Cik A & kak F whom coming to HPJ. Last week, I did went to Alamanda to the book store. It revive me weirdly.

Still need to fold my clothes.

Sleepy sa,

TGiaH