First PF2, first Ext

Phew. Alhamdulillah. I think bc I passed the first experience of the respective shifts. I think I did fairly well with my current knowledge & experience. I'm very new to hospital system & my lack in hospital experiences. If were to compare with others that are the same as me, I think I'm comparable but with those who have experience definitely the differences in level. I do think in clinical; doses & adjustment I'm a bit better than last time. Also, I saw how busy everyone else also is so it's not just me. 

I'm proud of me for taking my job seriously & doing it the best I can with putting the patients care on top. Just the busy-ness, I do at points make doa "ya Allah, help ease this so I can go pray". And I think that's a reminder of what I'm supposed to do in life. 

I am stress & anxious evident last 2 nights with the fatigue, pain, soreness throughout my body. Also I pray "ya Allah, forever allow me to have the nikmat of sleeping, proper sleep". 

I'm okay now after the shift, able to grocery shop & drive home. With rezqi, Allah somehow plan me to be in darussyifa'. It was all green light at Melaka which is a first. I arrived here with care. Surprised my family here (got lots of hugs with abah) & with rezqi met my dear friends here. 

Allah, I am indeed scared of most things, every step of growth experience. I just in every way need You. 

Never, not.

TGiaH

Screen Addiction

I have a screen addiction. I find it very hard to not be intentional once I pick the phone up or when I do, it's for quite some time. It's especially prominent on my one lazy day (as I try thinking of other ways to rest but none come to mind) and when I try to put a cut off time at 9/10 pm ish, when I suddenly remember to search up something it's spirals to an hour long on the screen. It's very like wow and ughh how much screens are assimilated to my life. My morning routine, I need to screen to click the donation or as background positive affirmations, then working out I also need to look at a screen. It's a certain like I'm knocking my head with a hammer because I have this like sudden headache (which I never do) and right eye twitching (I really think it's from strain connecting to my right palpating temple). It happens at work which I continuously look at a screen. Today was a pretty good off screen day when I turned into searching up Taiwan to edit my itinerary because I was like wow, that's jam packed. Even writing this I have to face a screen. I'm so confused how the world has become. Our reliance our addiction. 

I thought but if I don't look up at a screen, what I am to do with my time? It's a dumb question I know but I literally in my lazy day don't wanna do anything 'work' if not my body is like heyy I need a breakk why so rajin everyday, so uptight. But as I was struggling to sleep last night (as I didn't have enough 'tiredness') to sleep, I though damn I could use all these times to ibadah. That's how I am supposed to fill my time. Then, la la la thinking other things, I am reminded how short my life here is. Arghh. Forgive me, ya Allah.

Geez, 

TGiaH

This week things: youngest birthday, adaf audit, missing pharmacy dinner, week 2 mandarin learning. 

Trying *note: trying* to learn Mandarin

First of all, my reliance of screens and internet is chronic. Literally like some thing embedded into my life. I left my tablet, then suddenly I don't have a work out video. I left my charger, then I have to learn to what to do without reducing the battery life of my phone. Hmm. In the simple mundanes day of my life, I am reliant to the internet. I did left my ebook reader too so that's a thing. I am. I am nervous about my evening to late night shift. I am nervous about next week's audit. I am nervous about how I am to settled a professional video for competition. I am a little scared of facing up my co-workers in view I still think I am not as competent as I want to be. But also, I need to rest down. I also need to settle our Eid hijabs. How am I gonna find a colour that matches perfectly? 

And.. Since last week, I am trying to learn Mandarin. I knew a bit of Mandarin tones beforehand but oh boy it's much bigger importance that I remembered it to be. The intention is I want to at least know a bit enough to survive travelling and not mock any natives there. Using up Duolingo, Youtube & C-drama here. Any C-drama that's interesting please? Hmm. I'm losing time with my sister too. It's only a month left before she flies back for her study.. And really what's my progress on marriage this year? I'm sitting in a really comfortable routine living on my own there, cooking & chilling, a bit of travelling.. 

Ee tian tian,

TGiaH

Salam Taiwan

Guess I did it. I book flight tickets 2 months before a trip. Ahhh. The worse part is that is still coincidences to public holiday there, so yeah lots of prayers also had to spent a bit more. Also nervous about the train tickets. So I'm like this whole 2 days in my head really into searching up & booking everything on this trip. I really need a restful night tonight & a focus workday tomorrow. At least I delegate with my friend though I literally think of everything just in case. Even planning 1 day is horrendous. 

So how did we get here? As Monday I'm still in my head travel buzzing I search a lot as also Sunday I got to know that the China trip is not confirmed so yeah I searched up whether Taiwan is suitable for DIY. And.. I think it's still manageable. Then ask my boss on Tuesday for vacation booking then ask my friend. Delayed the flight booking as my friend wanted promo (I want it too) as well as I need the idea to sink in. I want it to be longer & cheaper but I just need to deeply embrace even this is such a rezeki. Alhamdulillah. 

Anyhow, at least I went out ziarah my family bringing my sister around, ending up at home at midnight, andd chronically still on my phone searching up the trip until pass 1.30. Arhh. I haven't folded my clothes yet or iron my tomorrow work clothes & no dinner yet. Now. Stop. Focus. 

So I guess.. 

Bismillah Taiwan?

TGiaH

P/S: My warfarin mtac went okay. This whole thinking up the trip diverts my mind from nervously thinking about it which is both good & bad. I did tried my hard to study even with this unfocused mind. 

Eid shopping

Ahhh. This week feels so full as straight after my Friday lunch call, I got back here & went out with my sis for Eid clothes shopping. Thanks to T I was able to pray zohr during my shift. And that shopping spree continues until Saturday. It's my first going out trio with my mum in the evening & I would have to say with clothes at a bargain price makes a girls who don't spend happy. Although there's nothing much for me to spend. Anyhow, Alhamdulillah the girls' clothes for Eid & family portrait shoot is done. Leaving us with guys. I definitely see we can repeat this early shop routine again, rather than during Ramadhan. Especially now my sister studies away from home. 

So I'm on PF1 duty shifts. So the mornings are a rush with me having breakfast. While the evening if I don't get out the office by 4.30, I definitely don't feel the long evening. It's a little of trying my hard to maintain work with 2 hours less in the office. And I cooked a lot this week. Hence, I gained weight. 1kg. 

Also, yesterday morning I'm on a frenzy to get on a overseas trip again. It might work but lots of prayers. Hence, why I feel so tired this weekend. And now, I'm on my way to get visit my classmate' new baby. 

Really gotta go,

TGiaH

Second shift + Bowling failure

Haha. At least I played for played. With the finger holes too big, I adjusted during the second game. Used a 9. I was busy & tired for my shift. I did a Vancomycin study & case. Spent a lot of time on it the night before & in the morning. This shift is better because it's a half shift though. I had the house to myself this weekend which is nice. Though I half wasted my day, I made it up the other half. I made dumplings just roll it up though & cabbage rolls. 

10.18pm,

TGiaH

My sis is backk + my first Messenger (bowling)

The longest my family's been away from my lil sister. Haha. Even that I woke up a little late than planned. Though I'm grateful my abah got a little more sleep as he got back from Pinang. Seeing my sis super chill leaning back on wall checking out her phone. And her exactly matching colour with abah. I'm just grateful to see her. She just feel so chill & mature. 

I am the opposite. I feel so unacomplished and tired. This week is packed & getting my work progress in the stable mode? Hmm. I've been staying back everyday. And the day off to inovasi, though I'm grateful for the learning experience. I just need to get my job done. Yeah. I'm stressed. I didn't have much time to work out. 

This weekend is so far a good rest for me. Spending time with my family is a recharge, especially with my sis. Morning breakkie at mamak & a trip to IOI, just a small trip while my lil bro & ibu settling the house's wifi. And today turns to be my me day. I get to go out on a walk to a park I haven't been in so long & I worked out a bit. Actually even the movie yesterday night was nice. Just one thing, I left my ebook reader at my rental room.

I have another syift this week so I hope I'm not too stressed out about it. Ahh. I definitely am.

Also to note the same day my sister got back, I got checked by the doctor and everything looks good. But the trip after... My first bowl was the death of my bowling bowl (Messenger). I was sad & cried. Hugged my bowling ball, saying thanks for the experiences & the upcoming days felt better. 

Though I feel others got it worst, I still need to validate my own (ie: stress).

TGiaH