Stretch marks..

Calling my dad for a sec... Wait..

10 minutes should be enough to squeeze in this post. In Sha Allah.

*yawning (sleepy for no reason)*

So a few days ago (Sunday to be exact),  my roommates plus I were talking & I butt in. It happened that there were talking about stretch marks..

To my surprise, none of them have stretch marks which I always thought that it's so common for people to have. Also, a reason to it is because my body is toned & people can actually feel my muscle while my friends are soft & squishy (which also surprises me). Squishy might not be the appropriate word but oh well that's what they claimed.

Well as for me, I have loads. I still remember when I was 14 I was so shocked to see my body full of "tiger scratches". I didn't thought it was a thing for some girls until I was like 18 or something. At that time, I thought it was normal & very logical. I was  skinny girl & a year of puberty hit me to stretch in places I used to be so thin. Hence, the "tiger scratches".

Not to help, but not I am actually a little insecure about it. Unless if I don't get married, what will my he thinks of all the "tiger scratches".  *nervous laugh* Probably I might considered not getting married at all as an option, but I know it's me just being insecure. Haha. Lol. Maybe that person will think the marks are cool like I'm a jungle girl.

But nevertheless, I still think I'm beautiful in my own skin, body even it is full of flaws but really it's what Allah given to me & the flaws just makes me absolute the more unique me. I could never ask for something more perfect. <3 Alhamdulillah.

Perfectly created by the perfect & only Creator,

The Girl in a Hood

Drifting with the (basket)ball...

I stupidly nearly forgot I had to update my blog. So much for my resolutions, if I'm not gonna stick with it. Lol.

6 pm I was planning to print out my notes in the photocopy centre, until the person before me said she's gonna take a long time & the shop closes at 6.30. I'm not gonna make the worker wait for me to finish when it's my turn & take up her precious rest time. So I'll print it some other time. I was not hungry yet (although I already bought dinner) & I feel I wanna do some thing else.

That's when in a couple of minutes, changed my clothes, picked up my 3 months (probably due) basketball from I's room & by 6.20 I was at the court. Minding my own business, playing the ball like old times, reminiscing thru thoughts & memories (including the old memories me playing basketball at night). When I noticed a girl trying to come up to me. So I said to her with a smile "Like to join?".

And with that we played with whole long conversation about study, sports & of course a little 1-2 questions about my cp. I guess you can't run from people being curious & she's very nice sweet girl. Perhaps I'll meet again next time In Sha Allah. Not to forget, thanks to her I can put my mind off a bit. I feel so like mad today which I rarely do & I don't want to stay mad & upset. Probably it'll go away tomorrow. :)

It's been a year since me time & basketball. Miss you ball. <3

This weeks reflection. Done!

The Girl in A Hood

What cerebral palsy taught me...

Okay, so I was just thinking of writing this down before the idea of this evaporates.. Cerebral palsy. Yeah, I have cerebral palsy. For it is a have not an am. Like it's not who I am or defines who I am but it's more of like a part of me. For instance, I am a muslim. That's because it's who am I (obviously not a perfect one but yeah). Funnily I came across this term last year around July I think. I know that I have hemiplegia but the broad term of it.. I didn't.

And another funny thing is that it's actually quite common (especially when comparing to other disease & stuff). I know for quite some time that ateriovenous malformation (which is the cause of my disability

Pause. Even the term disability is controversial & they're changing to differently abled because not all in fact so many people with disability is pretty much capable, living like any normal abled bodies but stigma seems that the word disability means disable incapable but so so wrong. I wish I perhaps can be one of the many that proves them that they are wrong. :)

Okay to the point.)

is a 1 in 10000 but for it to burst is a another one in thousand because others usually are undetected. I'm very lucky in fact to be living over what I think is minor causality. It could have been much worse. My whole body have paralyse or I could've been mentally retarded or I could've died. It could've rupture when I'm in the womb & result in more severe disability. But no it didn't. And I'm grateful for that or having this in the first place. It taught me so much, gave me hardships which I grow strong.

What I wanted to write was way different than what I'm writing now. Just a short note, my disability affects me more when I'm more focus or aware of it. When I'm not, my body is much more relax that I have the capability to control over it without even me realising it sometimes. So one of the lesson here is that let Allah be the source of control of our life. I don't need to push myself so hard, instead sometimes letting go of the wheel & just enjoy the ride.

Funny face,

The Girl in A Hood

Fact: Every 2 or 3 out of every 1000 children have cerebral palsy.

The Realistic 2019 Goals

What better way to kick-start 2019 with some goals, right?

Big Advise to Dear Self:
Invest in yourself first, in that way you can be better for others. Explore, discover & develop yourself. If  you are meant to break, you're gonna come up stronger, wiser & better (imagine butterfly/bird's egg). If you fail, start again. If not today, tomorrow. Restart as many times you need, things will get better even with little small steps. Don't worry about things that are not in our control Allah always always knows what is best for you. Be true to yourself. Relation changes. Nothing is stagnant because that is the nature of life always changing, moving. If we are stick at one point in our life, we're not living.

Continue writing on 2th Jan, currently still grieving. But I admit it's hard to go through this stage. I can feel dull pain on my nerves all around my body and it hurts badly. I think I need to explore a bit more why it's hard for me to let go. Even it seems like it takes a longer time, but every day I am becoming better! You got this S! Your cries are shorter, you stay more focus now. Isn't that an achievement? Found this at AA video. Rasulullah pbuh has said that, "the matter of a believer is strange. All his matters are good. If something pleasing befalls him he thanks (Allah) and it becomes better for him. And if something harmful befalls him he is patient and it becomes better for him. And this is only for the mukmin. [Muslim] Which is strange because most time when I am positive (& not my depressed self now) fits this. To become better! Yeah!

So I already wrote in on my notepad, and there are several categories to this. So here goes!

Continue on 7th Febuary 2018. Lol. Way to go S.

Deen
-Be more keen on mutabaah amal
-Memorise/murajaah 1 page in 2 weeks instead of 1 month
-Be more consistent on praying on time (been slacking a bit, so yeah)
-Less/better no music (trying to memorise the Qu'ran here!)

Business
Revamp HS to a more share & building community thing instead of business (probably still thinking on what to do).

Financial
Save RM 50/month to muamalat account. No touching the money unless really necessary.

Travel
To Singapore (& Thailand)! (Probably solo, let's see). Make plans on saving, budget, when, what to do & all.

Relation
Always always focus & put Allah first, but still be the caring person I am (also wiser). Remember it's nice to be nice, but wiser to be wise.

Self-Development
-Learn German more intensively.
-Read 1 book a month (maybe also a review).
-Write a blog post every week consistently! Set the same time each week.
-Less sleeping during the day, more quality sleep during the night.
-Learning a new skill? Trying to think still. XD

Study
Intention is because of Allah, but nothing wrong as pushing harder to make parents proud, so go go!

Responsibility
-Register as an organ donor.
-Open an investor account (research first!).

Fresh start!

The Girl in A Hood

2018 in a nutshell.

It's currently 7.07 a.m, I'm actually so proud of myself this year. So many big life-changing things has happened and I'm so proud of how much I'd grown although with blood & tears. Lol. So following to last year 10 questions from Aida Azlin, here's Sarah 2018 in a run.

1. Name three words that best describe my 2018.
Pain, tears, & grateful.

2. Biggest lesson you've learned this year.
Every person we meet is destined by Allah & whatever ultimately happens is what Allah plans best for us. We meet & got to know because of Him & we depart because of Him too. Isn't that beautiful? And to trust our guts (but let's really see about this one).

3. Biggest change I did this year.
Instead of did but without choice is being emotionally vulnerable.

4. Best decision I made this year.
Generally becoming a better muslim by setting a routine//daily goals & tried very hard although imperfect to stick with it such as sadaqah mathurat 2 times a day, tilawah & hafazan & to wake up for tahajud everyday just to thank Allah for blessing me with everything He has given in life including the biggest test which made me stronger & more striving to become a better person. Also making constant dua to really letting go of something (more specifically is someone) and this time around Allah directly answer all my dua, which today I finally get my relief. Farewell to you. Alhamdulillah.

5. Best single achievement I made this year.
Solo travel to Medan & really travelling solo made a big difference. A deff eye opener.

Continue writing at 6 pm...

6. Who helped you get through 2018.
Really all help comes from Allah, and I owe so much through the people that He sent especially my dad and I've grown closer to my mom which if things never happen I'll never be closer to my mom. So Alhamdulillah for that.

7. Which worry was unnecessary this year?
Although I think it's necessary but I don't think it was right to overworry things that Allah has already set. One day there will be someone who truly loves me for me and Allah knows when the best time is. I just have to live life happy being single which I forgot but actually love to be single & just focus becoming a better person before actually meeting anyone.

8. How did you grow emotionally this year?
I guess you have to break yourself into pieces first before becoming incredibly strong. Generally learn to detach from worldly things, although it's some people I think I really need in life so I don't really want them to leave yet but learning over and over again that everything is Allah's and truely if we did our best we can meet again in Jannah. For now, I pray always that especially my family to be kept safe under His care & when the time come for us to really part is that we're surely meet in Jannah. So for that reason also, I'm really striving to be a better person & constantly making dua that the people in my life will always be better muslims too.

9. Happiest moment of 2018.
Umrah with family. Wallahi that's the best gift ever. I hope can do it again. Spending my birthday with family. I think that's the second best gift I ever received.

10. Saddest moment of 2018.
Failing to protect the one I wanted to protect and letting go (I cried almost every day since that day).

Every year things get a bit better along with the bad bits. But Allah knows what is best. I just need to pray & strive.

Until we met again in my memories, farewell 2018.

This time (as) S.

22 random reasons to love my 22th birthday + birthday wishes screenshots!

Writing this on 25th December (haven't study for GIT yet btw which is the on 27th).

1. Realising my birthday a little later than past half 12 in the bathroom.
2. Getting birthday wishes from my family (without H & I) in the dark (literally).
3. Sleeping besides my mother & sister (all in 1 room with my father & L).
4. My mother woke me up for tahajud because of my alarm.
5. Dedicating my first hajat prayer for the day for my family.
6. Getting 2 chocolate bars as gifts for my birthday & gifts food from my friends.
7. Got a lot of meaningful birthday wishes (and the sweetest one from M), even in the bathroom!
8. Spending today with my family (& crying later).
9. Laughing at how my brother H wishes me for my birthday.
10. Reading lectures notes for Endo in the car.
11. Observing the beaches patterns of shells & sea in Terengganu.
12. Kissing & hugging my adopted grandmother (she cried when it's time for us to go).
13. Reminded of how concern others are on my disability & how grateful I am for them.
14. Feeding a stray cat (eat of chips from my hands!).
15. Sharing my chips with others.
16. Getting asked on what I want for my birthday & there's nothing more I can ask for than spending it with my family.
17. Eating (perhaps) lunch at the beach which the goreng tepung taste the fried banana batter.
18. Seeing how young love is even when we are old.
19. Visiting my adopted grandparents.
20. Being the first to shower in the morning.
21. (Still) crying for his happiness & finally acknowledging that I miss him.
22. Didn't expect that I'm finally 22.

The only dissapointment is not getting my birthday wish for I. Well...

Birthday wishes screenshots (WhatsApp only)!!

Feeling blessed,

The Girl in A Hood

A day out//Birthday surprise!

So the end of the semester classes has come! Ended on Thursday to be fact (yipee!). And had our first PT OSCE this week (probably should blog about it).

So Friday is off day for rx15. What's up? A day out with my best buddy, I. :)

Went to sushi, got into a good conversation (I'm still wow by how we can just talk like we were still as close as we used too when we sit together, not in a bad way. But the distance did us good.),  first time the matcha ice cream. Liked it! Except the 'kacang merah ball/paste' at the bottom. Then went to watch Fantastic Beast (the 2nd movie) with popcorn yeay! Luckily we bought the caramelised regular one (it was enough for both us on). Oh great, now I'm craving for some popcorns! :( Then went to Watsons, bought moisturiser (trying out a cream, Wardah Aloe Moisturiser, so far not liking it much. Huhu. My face feels so rough!!). And bought such moisturing face mask (kinda like it, since I got no irritation & felt supple). And lastly ended with Tea Live.

When we were at Tea Live, I checked my messages, and happened that my usrahmate are gonna meet up at supposingly 5.30 (ended up at 6.30) at Lebak. I've got carbonara & I was still hungry. F & D happened to be late becauseeee they were actually buying mango cheesecakes for the birthday girlsss. It was kinda funny actually that the place sells the exact cheesecakes but they went all the to Kuantan, got into a traffic jam & bought there instead. N come a little late. Sometimes I feel like they're the ones closest to my hearts, because our hearts are connectly with islamic love unlike other friendship. XD

I love birthdays,

The Girl in a Hood