180 degree on 29 birthday list

Start writing this 23 December so let's rewind. 

22 December 2025 Monday

1. Starting the week off with unease like something bad gonna happen (specifically anything on my dad).

2. 12 ish: Got whatsapp from my co-worker I on email from SPA. 

3. Feeling like my world/my plan crashing down.

4. But I know the choice I have to make for financial security in particularly my family, not myself. Still, I needed istikharah for this pivotal decision. 

5. After a late punch out due to syr. Rifampicin on an elderly, got to the car to a group message whether we got it. So everyone at work now knows.

6. After exercise & folding my clothes, I rushed to ds. I needed the spiritual communal together, hoping for more strength, clarity, tawakkul for the best choice.

7. My dear uni friend, K whatsapp me whether I got it. 

23 December 2025 Tuesday

8. Asking kak A on advice on placement.

9. Asking boss on time off.

10. Seeing I settling her docs (last night she whatsapp-ed mentioning she accepted the offer), then ended up whatsapp-ing her.

11. Face on my boss for time slip next week for employment health screening.

12. Lunch call while writing this.

13. Today kswp shift. 

14. Bringing my mother's cooking to work today (breakfast + dinner).

15. 6pm at work right now - I'm feeling kinda neutral about where the placement will be, new experience and all. S is in a whole different country. Me? Allah knows best. 

16. 9.25pm. I just realised I forgot to iron my hijab for tomorrow. Currently waiting for the clock to strike 9.30. The fewer patients today..

17. Send my senior coworker, N home. I kinds forgot the road in the night. Hmm.

18. On my drive back home, there were a couple of moments I teared up. I recognised the feeling. It was not sadness, it was grieving. Grieving of the end of an era & onto new challenges. A new era of unknown. 

19. 11.36pm Telling myself tomorrow's not gonna change anything, nothing special, an ordinary day. Why do I feel nervous for tomorrow. 

24 December 2025

20. At 6, half asleep. I made doa. I don't remember the specifics of the doa. But I remember thanking Allah for the 29 years the I lived.

21. 6.25am. Drying my hair while mathurat.

22. 6.35am. Done wakaf. Saw the birthday messages from my family thru my notification. I saw my sister's whatsapp first. The messages made me smile. Everyone certainly know what I want for my birthday. 

23. Ibu was the first to say it in person today. Actually it was abah on the 21st December night after locum or was it 22nd December morning before work. As he will be away for work and back maybe 25th or 26th. 

24. 7.50am. Just finished replying to the whatsapp. Crying because I wish I can do more for my family. Remembered ibu told me this morning thank you so much for helping the family. 

25. 8.03am. Grateful I bumped into A cause I didn't have time to buy breakfast.  Just now a Park&Take patient walk in because there was no bell. End up I found my brekkie on the table were I usually work on Wednesday morning. A said she belanja me. Oh myy. On my birthday & she doesn't know my birthday I think. The vanilla bun taste like cake & the mixed berries yogurt drink taste like luxury. 2.20pm. Making the brave decision to post it up on instagram (close friends only). Might have found a new nasyid "Alhamdulillah I Thank You O Allah" by Blue Sky - Topic

26. Got whatsapp messages from I on praying my sister to become a billionaire so he have to quit his job to help spend my wealth. Haha. Aamiinn. And the single friends group such a fun chat. My family birthday wishes are soo sweet & love them. I ended up the wishes with a pray for our family to enter jannah together. Aamiinn.

27. Another whatsapp, pak J collapse. Allahu. I am chill about it but my poor mom. 

28. Bought pizza from a 'car boot' seller because my adik love pizza. Punch out 17.17pm. Late due to late orders.

29. Ending the day with istikharah. Allah help me make the best decision out of this. Side note: Did exercise, then ghusl so I just got back into solat & I ate mee sedap korean chicken spicy for dinner & one piece of durian.

I guess that's 29,

TGiaH

9.28pm 24th December 2025

Girls Convocation Trip

At last, the big trip has come. The awaited rest (gateaway) I needed after working consistently for so long. I just needed a break. :/ And the time together we all needed. Now it's Sunday, I wish I have another day off. Alhamdulillah Christmas public holiday is around the corner, so a rest in hopefully In Shaa Allah. The also means my birthday is around the corner too. Suddenly my neck feels tense. Haha. But the person I really hope get some quality rest & recharge is my dad. A car hit us on the side while we are on way to our family gathering in Tapah, and settling the police report.. Ahh. This makes me tear up as a daughter seeing how hard & tough a father has to be. Though I wished I can help accompany him, I really had to rest in today. I easily fall asleep and did the minimum today. A big sign my body saying rest and that's okay. My dad told me his story and still by the end he says everything got hikmah (even in my head I know I don't see it now). The heart of a believer. Allahu Allah, my deep prayers to ease his every affairs and protect him, us always. 

The Cameron Highland gateaway started on Wednesday, and started off late. Hmm. In Shaa Allah, there's hikmah. Though venturing to a mountain's road in very late evening with no street lights and heavy fog is not something I'll repeat. Alhamdulillah, with Allah's plan we made it. The very moment I'm patting my shoulder saying I did good not well but the best I could. Haha. The vacay was full on good food and good conversations I would say. The conversation cards were literally the best. <Ahh. I just made a RM500 sales in one receipt without trying. Alhamdulillah. It's raining now. Doa.> We went around a bit in Taman Setia & Agro Farm. A bit around the town but nothing much. More on staying indoors and listening to life stories. The fog was heavy with the rain. Ahh. I'm so in love with the misty-ness and the temperature is perfecto. Such a treat of Allah's creation. Guess I'm coming back to Cameron Highland just for the weather. 

The rain,

TGiaH

Stye & off hours

Yet another full week. Over the week, I felt myself really tired at work and in need of more rest (like capable to have a few seconds of eyes closed at 9am says it). Yeah, I had a full weekend. So that in turns me taking 2 afternoons off. Well, that's because one is preplanned for car service and one because of my stye in actuality (not because I am prioritising rest. Haha.). A chalazion on the exact on the exact same spot as few months ago. Huhu. But this time around is much much less severe. Kinda feels I worry over nothing. But my previous stye teaches me to get an mc if needed. It's okay to prioritise myself if I need it. That goes for deciding to rest in instead of volunteering ds. We got the cancel message on tuesday but suddenly wednesday night needed another help. Sokay.

I took up clinic shifts on saturday then give up my monday shifts. So I guess I am kinda trying to stick to my words on giving myself rest. Rest for recharge. Rest is good. End up a full saturday after work, taaruf chaperone duty, then post mortem but end up me overtalk. I remind myself of this though, the more a person knows of you, the more they have power over you. Despite my previous usual keep it to myself, this dear new friend likes to hear my thoughts, the deep ones. Lol. But also half of the time the half-processed ones, which in hindsight is not a good practice in the long run. For me, I mean. I need to let myself recoil back, take time thinking and then speak. In another perspective, it's a rezqi having a friend to have these kinds of conversation. And a reminder to myself, to be open to learn about her thoughts & perspective. Meraikan. 

Got home the night, my upper body berdenyut & in pain. So I know I'm tired. Then, sunday. I just knew about a kenduri, so I got a hour of nap in. Alhamdulillah still. So yeah.. I'm at locum.

Work callls,

TGiaH

DS Convocation

5 minutes to azan maghrib. Just writing this out because this girll need rest. Packed weekend with no locum, no kswp shift. Yet, packed. Monday night a trio night out after zikir at ds. Then, fridayy. I got back home at 7 due to heavy rain (it was short), which caused a road closure. Got back home, maghrib then rush to airport for my cousin's 1 month research/study in Japan. 

Saturday, doa selamat at pak cik G, then kenduri mak cik B, then back again at pak cik G for his son engagement. Sunday, ds convocation. Packed with settling gifts. Alhamdulillah for the experience. Then back home, zohr then out again for a taaruf discussion. It went way out of topic from what I thought to discuss the technicality of the conduct of the taaruf for my friend. But the discussion sailed like a talk we always have. Yet, I'm grateful that she feels grateful me sharing help her in a way she need. Reassurance/acknowledgement. 

So much to write and well...

Maghrib, byee. 

TGiaH

Wants vs commitments

Alhamdulillah I survive the past few days. My body is on the haywire and up, sometimes too tired with my right shoulder struggling, but somehow Allah help me survive. Let's pray my patients are too. Malaysia's in a bad weather this week, pouring heavy rain for long hours, in my city only for 2 separate nights, others are in flood. While like today here we have great weather breezy and slightly sunny, I am reminded Allah choose me for this rezqi, others test. So much much have to say consistent Alhamdulillah. Yet, we are all tested in our ways. I pray safety for all Malaysians. 

I did 2 clinics evening shifts, I'm grateful for that too and like today a full rest day in. Alhamdulillah for that. I wish I have not have the travel frenzy I have. But despite the intensive auto search on flights, it happens that my friend did not have the budget she should have, having a mindset travel while paying installments. I'm not going to travel if I don't have the initial savings permitted so it was a setback for me. Either I compromise on my own card or we go separate cards (I prefer this) or a later date or cancelled and I figure another trip of my own, we'll see. We got time In Shaa Allah. Please a drop down discount on non-boycott flights. Aamiin. Another note, everyone have their own financial & family commitments. In one way or the other, despite my family debt, I'm grateful to have a family configuration where my parents don't see their financial burden to be pass on as their children responsibility. Something culturally practice here. 

Post work out,

TGiaH

P/S: I also cooked egg fried rice this morning for the fam. It's been a while that I cooked.

Battling job anxiety

You know what I really want to do now? Just guling2 in bed & nap. But no I have my contact lens in so no naping. I'll be out with F in less than an hour. Gonna try reformer pilates today. I really hope I have no issues with it + enjoy it. My family & I just got back from 2 kenduris. Ahh. Weddings. Seems like my time will come later la kot. Haha. Idk will I ever wed in this life. Reminds me of my conversation with my 2 dear friends from darussyifa'. The golden question is on me, if you have to be wed today, what are the three things that are a must have. My friends golden answers qawiy, like rasulullah etc. Mine? I have the 3 value words, responsible, health and conscious. But the more honest answer I gave is actually a man I am able to obey properly and a man who I feel calm with him. Yes, it's about him. But still it's about me and my answer to Allah. 

Other notes: I am in realisation of my nervousness of working, more daily  hour workouts (I am on my period break so it is easier to slot in), our cat is warded. Prayers! Huhu. 

Alhamdulillah,

TGiaH

Me vs virus

Ahh. Alhamdulillah I'm feeling a bit of myself again. Umm. Perhaps I spoke too soon. Currently with the fan on high blowing my wet hair, well.. I feel a bit better. This week I'm battling a busy week. 3 locum shifts, some committee's work + drama, the usual class andd to add it up a viral fever. I had it since Wednesday morning at work, I feel my body really aching like I have a fever. Checked with my friend yeah warm. It is more of a low grade fever with constant body ache and soreness. Of course after rest the night, I feel slightly normal so I fasted Thursday. Despite tired, I continue fasting because I rather sleepp than eat during my lunch. Battled with the rain to locum, yeah I know I reach my peak. Friday came still tired with the 'adequate staff for the day', with a bit of mind battle, I decide nope I need to see the Dr and rest. Oh boy, it is a literal battle for me. Perhaps it's just a little sick or everyone face it worse and goes to work. But the deciding factor, will it affect my service to my patients? So yeah, mc I got no matter it's virus or burn out.

Now, Saturday I honestly don't know if I'm still sick or okay already. My shoulder blades are soree, I do feel slightly tired but yeah isn't that the normal. I'm also hungry. Idk, honestly. Hence, I decide for more rest. Take it slow. But simple room chores & stretches, still on. 

Also, update on the meds I stop it Wednesday because it affects my short term memory obvious during my screening work. So nu-uh.

Praying to as-Syifa I get better,

TGiaH