Colouring

The most fun thing to me this week is colouringg. Haha. Since my colour book & pencils arrived, on tuesday, I've been colouring. Haha. Yesterday, full day colouring I'd put off my work to the minute meeting. Haha. Grateful Alhamdulillah it didn't take me too long yesterday night. 

Today a bit of a full day, sent S to the bus terminal (woke up 5.15 ish), then did a bit of cleaning, cooking. Not much. But with my parents on a trip (I really hope they focus on the trip & their relation), I kinda step up. But these upcoming 3 days. Fuhh. Until 10pm. I pray I can make it well. In Shaa Allah. A bit down today. Huhu. A mistake on my part. Yet, meditation was healing. Opening up my inner child wounds to be properly cared and treated. She's so strong. I tell ya. Yesterday, I rely on her for strength. Today, I opened up my wounds. Alhamdulillah.

Yesterday, was happy. A prolonger version that I hadn't had in a while. I looked at my body and felt pretty and good. I'm a feminine beautiful lady Allah has created gitew. Haa. Haha. 

Colouring has been a distraction and joy. But I still have so much things to dooo. Huhu. Haha. 

To folding my clothes. Pronto!

TGiaH

Late post. Grinding tablets.

Here I am brushing my teeth while writing this. Thursday. Way past my writing schedule. But hear me out. I missed the sunday afternoon timing (I had to work the night). So.. I barely remember what last week was. Haha. Was busy. I'm more excited for this week's post. Probably unleashing colouring. The title. Anyhow, I'm in happy mood Alhamdulillah. Very appreciative the moments when I feel happy.

Last week significant. Grinding tablets. Uuuu. I still got some strength in me. Haha. And the compliments. Wah. Made me happy. The 'wah'. Thank youu. *terharu emoji*

Okay la bye. Still need to mask session.

Night2.

Fast 3 day weekend

First day period. How my three day weekend passes. Saturday a day with the fam. Melaka a lil job. N9 for aqiqah. Seeing A's new baby. Ahh. The stages has progressed for her. Learning more of less knowing is better. I have a smaller circle.

Uuu. The chats with S after locum. Gave me some new insights & self reflect. 

Sunday, the morning was super tired. I haven't had that long sleep + movie-like dream in a long time. Learning that I'm not selfish for resting & not being able to keep up with my own (and ibu's) expectation to clean. 

I wanna take it slow. A step at a time.

Monday. Mamak's brekkie with fam & siblings day out. Big purchase for my parents. 3 food spots trip for the sibs. Grateful that Allah gave me a big fat pocket.

S did not confirm yet a seat for medic. Even she felt she's a little too lax for it. Hmm. Somehow desperation & being driven (like me cause of my childhood) comes in importance too in this kinds of things. In this terms, she wish she was more like me. Yet, in a way I'm glad she's emotionally okay with everything.

Still on going for the write challenge. A week has passed. Sometimes remnants sometimes wonders. Hmm. Life. Just let it progress.

Progressing,

TGiaH

Proper Ending

This week recovering week (getting my eating + sleeping routine back). Just with the news, I need my time however I'm at locum. Probably the best too cause I have a bit of distraction. 

So he & his family decided to not go further with it. Okay la. So it's the same kind of risik that I have experienced just with a ring. So simply I don't need to try. I don't need to do anything anymore. The decisions I made in the past all are based on that point of time & circumstances, so I have no fault of regret. 

Funnily I was asleep during his message, but I dreamt him vividly & he was there quite some time. We were working together (the background was cabinet/counters) when he decided to step back and I continue my dream to another scene eventhough I was a bit puzzled by his action. Haha. Guess I dreamed a real scenario into my dream. Perghh. Allah wanna show me. Really. Amazing. Ma Shaa Allah. 

If he's really my jodoh, Allah will guide him to a path similar to mine. As well as mine to him. Ada jodoh, ada lah. That's the principe. For now, let me delete everything to focus on myself. I have istikharah after zohr so what I wrote, decided everything was the best Allah has planned. No wrong. So no/less attachment. I can do this. Slowly. 

This upcoming week my be rough with withdrawals. Just I wanna take my time. Move on & heal. Even if after Ramadhan, I need time. I'll focus on myself instead of forcing. If Allah wanted me to get married, He himself will bring that person to me. Cause he knows best I don't have the capacity to search for myself. 

Perhaps we both truly tak ngam. We'll never truly know. Okay la. To the best Ramadhan of my life. In Shaa Allah, aamiinn. 

Focus = reality,

TGiaH

R-Day.

Haha. I still can't spell out the actual word. It's just. This was an unexpected outcome. I feel like somehow everything was rushed I couldn't process in short amount of time. Overall, the story was;

Saturday

On the way back from the airport, abah mentioned about a family gathering. A bit surprised but that was just it. It's a good thing to gather, talk, good food gitu.

Sunday

Recovering from 59k steps of my travel. Hahaha.

Monday

Morning at work, abah said he wanna say something about the gathering. I was okay.. It was a bit weird as before I started my work, I have the urge to text F asking her dua Haha. Random right. The night, back from darussyifa', my sis mentioned to me his family came to 'risik' with a ring. I still remember the word that came out of my mouth "Apekah" with a laughing surprised face. Like huh? Waited for abah until 1am to know the full story. At this point, I am still very much confused. Whose goddamn work is thiss. And how just how on earth he agreed to this? Saying he picked it & wanna pay for it himself. In my mind, he's not even the slightest interested in me and I'm just trying to establish a good neutral friendship je. Haih. Andd if he's really my friend, at least he can ask if I'm okay with it or tell me about it. My mind was running on autopilot I barely slept.

Also it's today H got warded (dengue).

Tuesday

Work per normal. Another wake up at 3,4am. Used this time to study. Prayed solat hajat for the best after zohr & maghrib. As so the upcoming days.

Wednesday

Half day (managed to ask the day before. Phew). Went straight to H at the hospital. Then, with ibu to buy some storage boxes. Haha. During the visit with H, I thought of my cousin's risik. She cooked a ton from morning, even make a whole load sausage bun from scratch. Well, I don't remember what bread exactly but a ton of buns of sorts. Hmm. I have to be polite enough to at least prepared something right? What's somehow no bake, easy & quick to make, other than what has been prepared? Also, aesthetically pleasing. Haha. Somehow I stumbled upon fruit pudding so yeah, a quick visit to the market. Made the pudding to chill that night. Stirring that way too long, afraid I might burn the milk & adjusted to my taste. Haha. Seriously not sticking to the exact recipe. Another wake up at night.

Thursday

Morning with a droopy eyes. Haha. Don't quite remember the morning, but I remember abah ask me to rest cause I looked so tired. Haha. And I finished up my dessert before noon. Things were hectic cause we were soo busy cleaning, tidying. Everyone was on board. Even L managed to make it home. Also H got discharged. So grateful my siblings are there for me. At 7, the jitters starts to kick in. Ahh. Nervousss. Then, when people started to arrived damn I was so shy. The moment my sis told his family has arrived, I couldn't even pull myself to get out of the kitchen. But because I have to be respectful I managed pulled myself out in the end, with my sis by my side just to salam his mother. But seriously I barely could put my eyes at the guys section. Bwahaha. What the heck, S. Just a year ago, you managed to look at him straight in the eyes. Now? Just because there's quote unquote subtle journey to marriage, you can't even face him?? Ahh. During the discussion, I hid myself a bit using the stairs. Sometimes I hear, sometimes I don't. Then, desert time comes. Ahh. Unexpected my fruit pudding, was gone much first. Haha. I was so adamant (mati-mati ingat) people were not gonna be interested much. I even made it small cups so that people can take home & if no one wants, I can give it to my co-workers the next day. Haha. So I managed to talk a bit la. *pats in the back* Ohhh. I remember my skin was in good condition that day. Haha. I don't even care to wear any makeup but because abah my be why tak pakai, so yeah I did wear a bit. Had a group photo sesh. Haha. Funny. At 11 ish, people slowly were gone. After everyone was gone. I talked with mak cik N, until 2. Hearing her side of story, aww. My heart opens up a bit.

Friday

Woke up. Had a super sleepy day at work. Haha. First time my eyes auto shut while at work. Also, I did a few mistakes the morning. Lucky, F is such a gentle friend. My work that day was super gentle and kind to me, not that heavy workload. As if Allah knows I need to wind down. F ask for lunch together, definite yes although I need the sleep. Managed to not talk about it at all. Good job, S. Was busy talking about other adult stuff. Haha. Sleep drive on the way home. Grateful I didn't crash or injured another or anything. Sent a text out, seriously why he doesn't text me firsttt. Read al-Kahfi with a slur cause I was super sleepy, and by the minute my eyes shut. Woke up at maghrib. 

Saturday

Still recovering, feeling myself back a bit in the afternoon. Alhamdulillah.

So that's it. Fuhh. I think I spent 40 minutes to write. Haha.

Ease my journey to You & to the best.

TGiaH

Solo trip to Singapore.

Lazy to write. Zzz. I'm back at Malaysia! Yesterday night. Such a quick 2 days 1 night treat for me. The first day was miraculous. Spent so much speaking, making doa to Allah, exploring a new country, new views, new things to observe & experience. The second day, let's say was a bit of a rush. Yet, Allah helped me out a lot. Ticked of my bucket list for the places. So many things different yet same. MY & SG. 

Day 1

Woke at 4.30am, to get out the house at 5ish. S & L was a big help driving to the airport (KLIA2). Saved me some money. Airport chill, Idk why my airport visit to Singapore is so chill. Haha. Had Pop Meals. Get on the flight on time. I slept during take off. Kah2. Arrived (Terminal 4), had this autogates for most countries. So advancedd. Then, explore Singapore booth for my ezlink card. Even Garden by The Bay was cheaper (SGD106, klook SGD113). Pay by card. Switch to Terminal 2, topup SGD 8. Got to Sentosa. The front of USS was amazing. I like the placee. Haha. Here I discovered 7e to budget my meals. Then off to Bugis Street & checked in. The Sultan Mosque & Wardah Bookstore. I passed the store by mistake. Haha. Bought a bookk. The hotel is nicee. The receptionist played a bit of a prank. Kah2. And I got such a cozy space for mee. No beds up mine. And deeper in the room. Alhamdulillah. Had to go out to Garden by The Bay. Was in a rush. Just to say Cloud Forest was magnificient, wanna spend more time there, just soaking in the air. Flower Dome meh. It was dark already at that time. (Wish I went to the flower first) The showw. 7.45pm. Made itt. Just amazingg. Then back, another 7e visit. My feeett. 

Day 2

Woke up 7 ish. Had the chance to go early but snuggled in my bed for another hour. So 9 ish I went out. On the bus 10ish. Raining. Decided to still go to Merlion. Then the National Gallery. Oh my godd. It was so funn. Just that, because it was so big. 2 wings. 5 levels (indoor), 2 levels (outdoor). I kinda lost the appreciation nearing the 2 hour. Still fascinating. Then, I lose my ezlink card (think I still got 7 dollars in it). Haha. Alhamdulillah the mrt was near just another walk. And Alhamdulillah I have cash for the card. Just I like the explore card better cause it tells me my balance. Decided lunch at 7e again, bought my dinner also. My flight got delayed. So I have time for Jewels. After get in my bags, airport. Jewels, then terminal 4. Back home. Gate opened at 8.25pm. Take off at 8.45ish, arrived an hour later. Got a lil miscomm KLIA1/2 with abah. Haha. 

Anyhow, Alhamdulillah. Just on the way back a lil announcement on a visit. May Allah ease if that's the best. Aamiin. 

Allah.. For what's good for me & everyone.

TGiaH

Removing assumptions, birthday I

Today's my lil's bros birthday, I. We had a breakfast with my dad's friend family pak cik G. It's been a year since we had a family breakfast with them. Safe to say, I fell out of the idea of marriage with their son. I remember the first offline risik experience with them. An experience.

Now I am my usually salon. Sadly I am still waiting after an hour & a half to cut my hair. They have their technician today. I made a careless step of not asking availability first with the admin. Usually I ask first. Ahh. I feel tired from the heat. At least I settled buying my car's perfume. 

Tomorrow's work. Hmm. I don't know how to feel. I'm grateful for my work especially after 1 week of staying at home. I don't know how long I'm capable of working, serving this way. So Alhamdulillah. Giving my best In Shaa Allah. 

This week, my adik's I 'tumpang' my car. Definitely felt tired from the extra 30 minutes of driving. Feeling the need to sleep early every day. Alhamdulillah I have the chance to sleep early. 

Mak cik A's sent me a doa at 1st Rejab. It's sweet even though the sweet gesture. Alhamdulillah for the reminder.

Ahh. Cepat la finish the repairr. Wanna guling2 in bed & some other things.

TGiaH

P/S: I almost forgot to research my singapore trip!