Deep cleaning + 10 traits

Independence day. Went horsemanship. Funnn. Didn't know S was coming. Then, deep cleaning parts of my room. Ahh. A blessing. 

Aqiqah day yesterday. Seeing all my cousin's with their spouses made me prayed a lot that I get the same rezqi. Aamiin. 

Another batchmate invitation hits me hard. My clock is ticking. I'm scared. I wanna be a mom. I wanna be a wife. I'm scared too. Hmm. 

Still, I'm lost. My life purpose. Looking at prof M's note. 10 traits that we would like in a spouse. Then, checked with ourselves. We would be getting a spouse close to that. 

I wished he was ready. I wished he was interested. I wished he was accepting. Hmm. Lots of doa.

My time will come,

TGiaH

Made My Day

A story of yesterday, a story to remember, a story of me. 

Yesterday morning we had our monthly assembly, an our prp gave the motivation talk before we ended. She talk about love (penyayang), among patients, colleague & ourselves. Piagam KKM. 

Patients, she saw an officer calms a patient down after receiving their meds. Mad respect. Huhu. Being sick is stressful. 

Colleague, she said there are times people bad days though they seem fine at times. An officer ask her while there was lot of pending patients & prescription, are you okay? She said there's a lot of screening. The officer said back, it's fine if screening is a lot, but are you yourself okay? (Or in Malay, screening banyak takpe, tapi awak sendiri okay?). She said that comforted her.

I was listening attentively, paying full focus to the story & felt full respect to that officer. Like wow. I have to be that person. Haha. I thought is was a senior chinese officer since she's chinese & close to chinese colleagues. Then, she said it was me in front of everyone. Instantly feel embarassed a bit but I totally didn't expect the person to be me. 

Alhamdulillah, I made someone's day as she has now made mine.

And I didn't hear the last point. Hope my seniors didn't judge me for saying a lot of pending work is fine. Haha.

A reminder that caring is not a bad trait all the time,

TGiaH

Attachment reflection.

Rewriting stuffs I wrote at the back of the queue cards. Or maybe I should just paste it in my journal. Hmm. 

Shifting my focus + what is my life purpose?

This week has been a tad bit difficult. I don't understand why my heart shifted to wanting him. Ahh. This is a test. A test of attachment. Countless of tears this week, whispering of Allah please help me. Cause I really really certain that is it's meant to be, Allah will move both hearts'. A test of patience. I have to wait this out. A test of logic. Do I really want that person or just the idea of him? Ahh. The difficult thing is that the recents online-online thingy, defers my hearts from other yet to him. Geez. What am I supposed to do? Except doa, praying I'm out of this trap. If I am to destined with someone better, I'm still opened to it. Just. Hmm. Yet, he treated me as he is uninterested + not ready. What am I supposed to do.

I want to help others. I know my life purpose is related to that. Just.. I don't know. 

Coach AK's class really help me rationalise, detaching as much as possible. Now, hmm. My ilah is Allah. Hopefully. Not him!

Another weekend full at home, just after this wedding stuff.

Help,

TGiaH

My first actual vote

Writing this at darussyifa'. Just a bit of a tiring day. Tok Terenggganu passed away today. I woke up this morning suddenly deleting all related text & numbers. Just I wanna make sure I really detached. No attachments please. Attachments (to humans) are ugly. Let go. Redha. Reading Aten's blog making me realised eventhough she looks okay, early marriage is not easy. Though I kinda knew + admired her for that. My time will come. At a blessed time, at a right time, with my peaceful partner. Top & utmost criteria, peace. No less.

Yesterday, out with my siblings. My first actual vote at an actual setting (my very first is post vote), my first stained finger. It was very quick. I must say. Very few in the line. At least now I know the process. Then a bowling tourny, eating kfry, shopping for H and to end, Family Mart's ice cream. Got the matchaa. Alhamdulillah. Obviously my money easily gone. But the satisfaction of being capable + actually sponsoring all my adiks is such a rezqi to be honest. So so so grateful for this it warms my soul. Thank you Allah, for such a rezqi. 

Then at night my niece (non-muslim Indian), it was an experience yet so heart warming. The kid is so calm & composed despite so so many photos need to be taken. And she's just 3! Such a smart kid. The chindians are so pretty ahh fangirl a bit. Reminding myself need to buy modest traditional clothes also learn Tamil. Huhu. 

Something I wrote for my instastory..

Teruntuk nenek.

Nenek.. Sungguh S akan kenang nenek, nenek layan macam cucu sendiri, nenek sayang macam cucu sendiri. Nenek baik sangat dengan S.

Last raya haji, rezeki S dapat sembang paling lama dengan nenek. Dengar kisah nasihat nenek, usap-usap jari jemari nenek. Minta nenek doakan S. Terubat hati S yang tengah berduka. Tentang jodoh juga ajal.

Buat semua nenek-nenek S, hati S rasa sayang & rindu. S titipkan doa moga pemergian ini diredhai, moga nenek ditempatkan di syurga firdaus, untuk setiap dari keturunan nenek sentiasa dalam amal, untuk suatu hari kita dipertemukan kembali di syurga.

Al-Fatihah buat nenek.

And this life is short,

TGiaH

Making that move.

Finally I took the initiative to start taaruf-ing process online. I know this is something I'm scared of so I have to do this. I may or may not find him thru there (plus my instinct are saying I'm gonna unexpectantly meet him offline when I caught off guard) but I know this gonna grow me as a person, learn new things, open me up & learn to guard & protect myself. 

I'm still undecided whether to get to know a bunch at once or one at a time. Anyway, here I am. Hope the MYR 240 for 6 months is worth it. I'm thinking of strictly replying on the platform from maghrib to isya'ish. (8-9) just so I don't lose focus on my own life (a girl has her life okai). I still have jodohklass to attend (yes, I signed for the masterklass). Let's hustle, S. Proud of myself for taking the step. 

Working for 3 days at my full time job yet today I'm on my part time one. Gonna be 10 days work marathon & next week is voting day. Hehe. And next month to koreaaa. May Allah protect always.

Okay. Gotta rush for work.

TGiaH

Breathing in Kundasang, Sabah

 Ahh. 24 hours hasn't passed by Kundasang & I miss it much. The air, the smell, the view. I felt my lungs expanding, my eyes cooling & my body is healing. Even it is just for 2 days, it will be miss a lot. Kundasang is so breathtakingg. It feel like overseas with Malaysian touch. New Zealand eh. Haha.

Today is rest day. Got back home at 3 in the morning. A speedy short trip, sister trip. Out at 3 am Sunday, catch the 6 am flight then 11 pm flight the next day back home. KLIA 2 was lit with shops. Arrived Kota Kinabalu at 9am (the view of the blue layers of the sea from up top). KK I must say was a mixture of KL plus area of Selangor. Got a bit of both. First upside down house, then the bridge (which both was quick for us). After that pasar nabalu (Mt Kinabalu viewww), the fish pond. Right then I know, we ere more of the nature, activity kind of girl. Feeding the koi fishes was a definite experience.

Staying in Mesilau. Living for the sunset & sunrise. Ahh. In love. The unplanned morning hike to Mesilau peak (RM5), which was Ma Shaa Allah loved it. Then Desa Farm, the highlight. Spent 2 hours there. 3 rounds of gelatos. Cow feeding. Just we didn't get to see the cow at the barn upclose + milking process. The mini photoshoot with sis. Haha. I think her photography (plus smiling) skills grew on this trip.. Rabbit farm. Huhu. Poor rabbits. Then Tannjung Aru Beach (another sunset!) + Todak Waterfront dinner (gerai 19).

Definitely spent a lot on this trip, especially covering my sister's flight & package. A rough total of RM1500 for that alone. Flight for 2 with luggage, RM 500. RM 1000 for the private tour. Was it worth it? Definitely. Haha. I don't know a thing of driving there. Just that I want to go to Desa Farm & a night there. 

I dodn't write much on the trip as I hoped or read. Just resting in the car was a big part too. 

Wishing I'm breathing from Kundasang's air again.

TGiaH