PRU 15 - undecided. My first vote and by post that is.

Sunday night. I'm itching to write this time. Had my first weekend morning shift. Not a lot of patients. Just nice. With kak M & F, both nice people I like being with. Even made my net worth & budget spreadsheet which by doing so and seeing the numbers gave me a sense oh ahh I saved a lot still and I wanna save & invest more. How do rich people become richer? Hmm. RM 100k here I come. RM76k by end of this year so that's so much much Alhamdulillah.

Yesterday was public election day. I had voted on Thursday via post so I didn't go vote yesterday. It certainly looked fun. I supposed to work yesterday but them it was ordered for all public service to be closed. Make way for election day! So yeah I got 2 days holiday before working today (both Fri+Sat was announced public holiday). I went bowling at Sunway yesterday did a lil better than the Parasukma games. I was tired later that night, so I went to bed early and didn't stayed to watched the results like the previous PRU. Interestingly, this is the first PRU with 18+ voters and autoregistration. 

I gained weight. Now I'm at 50kg ish no longer 48kg. Huhu. My tummy expanded unfortunately. Unless it's muscles due to bowling I don't mind. Fuhh. I still need to do cardio. Burn the fat off. I guess walking to & rom work last year at the old clinic and staying on my own certainly impacted my weight (46kg). I was less worried of gaining weight. Now I have to be more cautious.

I still have quite a few cr left. Hope I get to spend it! Aamiin.

When I have the energy to exercise?

TGiaH

Day trip to Terengganu (kenduri tempoyak ikan patin)

I cidn't expect us to go & back home again at midnight from Terengganu. Plus, the wedding served tempoyak ikan patin. One serving per person. Allah. It's heaven. Though I did suffer a bit of food poisoning at 5 this morning. Alhamdulillah I'm good now. Got to rest2 today. Ahh. Tomorrow's work again.

Tuesday. I come to work after 2 weeks gone. It does feel refreshing. Some parts of me do miss work and the time away boost up my serving skills. Still.. I'm a lazy bum. Hoping for this Friday as a public holidayy.

Friday night. Usrah. Little politic talk. Huhu. Need to studyyy.

Had rotiboy & cheese tarts. Thank you abah. Watched Enola Homes. Interesting eye opening perspective.

Night2,

TGiaH

It's a wrap! Parasukma 2022. My first parasukma.

And last..? Will see. In a way, I'm grateful for the experience. Felt so hyped at first. Reality did kick in. The internal group conflicts, the management of the event, embarrassment of my poorly skills. Ughh. Will I be able to do better one day? Should I stay in this sport or change or leave? Am I capable of staying? The good parts. There were memories, the support, the friendship, the sweet moments of solah & aurah. Staying back everyday to see the match.

A sense of unfinished accomplishment. Not sure to be proud or not. Neutral or sad. A mixture of feelings. 

My body seems absent. Hibernating. Healing?

I've got back home yesterday. Figuring home is the best place to recover. I needed to get out of the environment in the end. I was tired. Others checked out today. Last night was the closing night. Hmm. I would say I didn't mind going or not. I didn't journaled my last competition day. Fuhh. I guess I needed the rest.

Went out to olahraga at msn on Saturday. Certainly different. But schooled vibe which was nice. 

I need a closure. Still, I'm feeling much better than before. I've got this. Help me, lord.

Stillness,

TGiaH

Parasukma journal

 D1 30/10/22

• nervous about ctr
• arrive super early 7.40
• bedroom night meeting w team
• got 2 shirts
• rumet with whom?
• so many okus omg
• oku on skateboard
• mamak pump tayar
• first meet with I
• wrote all this on D2













D2 31/10/22
• woke up 7.15 ish, breakkie w N, T & R was there early
• meet up w U, tease him w Eli. Haha. Plan for ep.
• hence, back to room 9 ish? Mathurat + ask pn H about CTR. shower --> pt called APPROVED! Alhamdulillah.
• lunch 11.40, still hopeful about ep.
• Cant go ep, cause no pengiring
• Slept at 2 woke up at 4
• Stretch, zumba, abs, roll bowl w N
• Dinner at 6, visit El & I new room
• Didn't shower, meet at cafe at 8.30
• Messy mcd icecream treat from R
• Got our sweater + jumper








D3 1/11/2022
• Reminded again how lucky I am to be able to join this tournament
• It's a competition of three. Pheww. I somehow secretly want gold butt remember my goal of 100 per game.
• Hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow
• Slow2 leklek je main. Fokus tgh.
• I can do thiss.
• Woke up 6.40 ish, breakkie lmbt sikit tunggu N
• El & I dtg bilik.
• 10-11 slept. Tiba kak W dtg nak iron
• Bus rapid
• Training 4× 30 mins share 2.
• Esok pagi dah gamee.








D4 2/11/2022
Allah.. Tak tahu nak ckp ape. Malu. Nyesal. Rasa mcm ahhh. I feel like giving up. Despite doing my all, I'm still back at square one. My worst game. Huhu. Whyyy. I feel a bit embarassed but I'm not confident I can redeem myself. In 2 years? Am I capable? If I'm doing it for myself. Why do I feel frust when no one's there? My expectation is nu uh. No cheers no helper. Sad. I still have a double tournament thie Jumaat. Still conflicted on whether to enjoy fun2 + dumb or serious + for the win. I want this for fun rightt. For fun rightt. And I have the responsiblity as a practicing muslim rightt. Allah. Huhu. Help me.
• Unsure my routine, woke up at 6.
• 7.40 ish at bus.
• Waking up hopefully. In my mind, chantee Sarah Goldd.
• Dissapointed w mx. I hope someone temankn tlg tapi takde. Huhu. Unstabled + cried.
• I did welll. For the first game. But couldn't consistent.
• Sajidah camee.
• Sokong I sepenuh hati ptg tuuu.
• E won 3rd. Me also. Kinda. 🤣🤣
• Sampai 7 stgh, mkn, meeting.
• I need restt. Bismillah.




















D5 3/11/2022
I wanna play for fun. For fun. Leisure. I'm here to have fun. Not to win. Sports is fun but stressful if I'm not ready. Yes, I'm not ready. I'm still at the start of the growth curve. I'm here for fun. Fmbi. For dakwah. To get to know the outside world. Yes, Im embarassed of my marks. I may have not done my best. But this journey is not about giving up. My best quality is to preserve. Yes, I'm about the face a difficult challenges, oppunents of the greatest however me being here I'm grateful Alhamdulillah. To my own target. 100 marks. You can do this Sarahh. You cann. No tears, wipe your embarassment away and play.
• Full day out. Tired.
• N is so goodd.
• Eating taco bell.
• Giving my best support to everyone.
• No regrets. Of seeing and going.
Watch a vid. My value is effort + attitude not personal outcome!! No need for the pressure.



8.17 am.
I have to do well. To prove to the referee I deserve to play. I have to show them. I have to fight. I don't want to give up. Who are they to judge I can't play bc I don't qualify to enter. I'm gonna hit that 100. I'm gonna hit it hard. I'm gonna get it & show them. I can do thiss. I believe I can. Sarah. You are capable of doing more than everything you can of. Allah created me so I can. I cann. I cannn. 

Will I be able to go? Getting covid.

Hmm. I'm on day 6 on quarantine. I haven't done much. Ehh. Really? I did a few things here and there. Train everyday at home since day 4. But Idk where my ctr forms gone. Huhu. I just hope it get signed before the event. Aamiin. Will I be able to play decently? I hope so. 

Two days ago, I cried quite bad because I was worried of my parents health. And how I would manage if something happened to them. I'm happy my mom did something for herself (getting herself checked out yesterday). I hoped my dad do the same. Taking care of your own health is the best self care and gift to te people around who love you. And me acknowledging there's this hidden stress of fearing my parents. Fuhh. I did cry pretty hard. 

I probably update my quarantine experience in another blog. Even for this one, I am too lazy to write. ><

Kimchi fried rice,

TGiaH

Don't give me the scaree.

Sunday again. Manage to pickup myself to write a blog. Hmm. Work 4 days this week. Heaven. Just that the scare of pfk reshuffling + the worry of actually being able to join parasukma. Huhu. May Allah ease. Practice bowling today. 5 games. Trying to adjust my 9 ball. Still struggling. And having the 5 days gaps is a mistake seeing my arm swing is off. I can do this!!

I didn't sleep in as much today so I'm proud of myself. 

This week was H entering to uni for intern. Hahh. Manage to find him a place in which in his rezqi has a bus to and from his intern place. I just hope he manages himself. Aduhh. Pity my adik. Huhu. From preparing the things, ironing his clothes, everything. I just want him to try appreciate how people do things and much better copy it. 

Yesterday had my sis's khatam Qu'ran ceremony. Seeing the lists of achiever people was like wahh. I used to be one of those too. Know I'm struggling of my place in this world. 

Talking..

Makes my realises how crucial a partner is.

Marriage..

Seems like a rush phase. Taking my time. Do I appreaciate my time? 

Money seems one of the obvious reason not to rush. 

But why am I still lazy?

Not preparing myself to be diligent?

Where's my spark?

TGiaH

The pra parasukma tournament (I didn't embarassed myself).

It's a monday holiday as maulidur rasul was yesterday. Ahh. I wished I was more aware of it instead of just hibernating in dramas. Lucky today I picked up myself and did more errands. Phew, gotta practice bowling after this blog. Hope the lanes are clear. My lil bro I is down with chickenpox and quarantining at home. 

This week update:

Mon: -

Tues: Had a big fell.

Weds: Off pm, bowl & massage. Hit my highest score. Wohoo.

Thurs: -

Fri: Had jamuan at pkd for those who got permanent positions. Gonna miss them. 

Sat: Tournament day with everything possible gone wrong that day. Anyhow, in the end I did good (at my own record) and enjoyed my time. Our shirt is sooo nice with the material and zip thingy. Drove a lot.

Sun: Rest day.

Everyone was home for the weekend+holiday which was nice and my mom got a new stove so she's cooking a lot today. 

Gotta go,

TGiaH