Unfocused, time wasted

Tonight's gonna be the 25th Ramadhan and how my past week of period has been? Wasteful. Ughh. I really hate myself for that. Instead of going all out on istighfar and doa, I literally waste my time in bed. I almost redeem myself yesterday but nope, I lost again. I am so afraid of not making full of my time to make lots of prayers, I can't miss the chance of Lailatul qadar. I can't. It's is the only weekend I am free a bit from having something to do. Yet, yahh. Wake up, S. I need to seize this chance of turning my family (in particular my father's) destiny around. Also, even I half want-don't-want-marriage, who I am to let go of a diamond's chance worth of getting a lifetime heavenly spouse? 

Ya rabb, please forgive me.

TGiaH