The thorn within and the fast thrown dagger

Over the last 28 hours (since 6pm yesterday), the processing with up and down tears is in progress. All due an unhealed trauma response of an unemotionally intelligent person. Unfortunately this is what my family have to face. One can neglect the cost of time, emotion of others due to one own definition of giving the best. But in truth it's self defense and sometimes a bit of selfishness too. I (hopefully) never fully understand how can someone be selectively emotionally blind to others. Saying congrats but the one receiving the decree is in tears. And all one terpaksa hadap. Telling the story is one thing but telling the story here is another. As I try my best to keep other's aib, I'll write the whole story in my journal. 

To my dearest sister, I come to realise I am more attached to you than I thought. Our codependence on each other. Our sisterhood. A rezqi until this time Alhamdulillah. I have your back until the day Allah unwills. Akak sayang Jidah. I'm sorry I don't have enough to shield the pain of this. We both feel helpless in this. More than else, Allah is our Rabb, Allah is our Ilah. To Him, He knows and to Him, we rely on. And yet we are only human.

We went to Cameroon Highland last weekend. Probably the last family trip we are having in a while. We went after 10 years. A momentary joy before the very day the news of death came. A one year old child twin from a couple who waited 14 years for the children, gone to instant death due to a lorry shooting straight to him. And the mother is my foster cousin. Husayn. Similarly your death clicks when I read the death of the Prophet Muhammad's  SAW grandchild. After the tahlil, a joyful sending at the airport for my cousin's son study.

These past fews day it feels like the truth that we are nothing but Allah's plan is rammed into my head over and over again. But anything Allah.. I hope I only speak good words. To remain the humbled servant in this temporary hellish dipped in heaven earth. Forgive me. 

And yet You are never ending Merciful,

TGiaH

Family trip, memorable disaster

Yeah, I couldn't update last week. If anyone notice. Haha. We had a 4 days family trip as our prime minister gave us a 4 days holiday and 3 days work. Ahh a blessing Alhamdulillah. I drove my dear car near 5 hours (plus  hour break) along Sekinchan and highways. I enjoyed the drive. And oh boy congrats to myself for this achievement. So we got down to Bagan Datuk. A simple small 'pekan' along the beach for my cousin's wedding. Then we sleep at in the nainland as we go for a day trip in Pangkor. The trip was good except all were getting on tiredness. Though the biggest let down was the officers in Pangkor. For the first time in my life, I am very dissapointed in Malaysia, the country I kinda look up-ish. Bad people and service are no escape well I hope the next generation knows and serves better. To a better Malaysia. Aamiin. 

After 3 days work, I finally got an introvert lazy day in yesterday. I need my days in. Haha. Oh pray for my 11 years old laptop please, the one I'm currently writing with.

I guess that's it?

TGiaH

3d off + 3d work + 3d off, 2d1n ipoh trip with coworkers

It's the start of a new week. Yes, I'm blogging at work because despite having like 3 days work last week, this girl is never capable to not be busy (quite). I had 2 work shifts until night, then 1 normal shift which the day after was the commencement (lol, big word) of ipoh trip. I. I. Enjoyed that trip. And I think pretty much everyone enjoyed it too. Much much better than going with just A. What make it work I think is because we are like follow with the flow, and everyone pretty much agrees with it. The group dynamics was great, and everyone is aware to counter own character, like knowing take long time to get ready, so preparing in advance. Also, going with friends of similar budget (important tip). Except for the rush to the train back here, everything was good. One to note, being able to just leisure down for a day, away from routine commitment, to spend money and time how you wish, even for a relatively short 2 days 1 night, BIG BLESSING. Alhamdulillah. 

Yesterday, also another good day. I got some rest in (much needed), going to kenduri late but after you prayed zohr, and no traffic jam is french kiss. So so nice. And able to talk and connect with An and not just Al, it's a nice talk. 

Ipoh Trip breakdown: (4 pax)

Stay: Palor hotel (great location, spacious & decently clean room, a little loud as at the street centre, the receptionist help carry our bags upstairs (some of the rooms are not directly accessible by elevator).

Transport to Ipoh: Ets at 9am, the next day back 12pm. In the city: Grab.

Agenda (in order): 

Canning dimsum - fish cake wraps, prawn dimsums yum

OldTown White Coffee Experience Centre - the stairs are good for photo shoots

Concubine lane - love to pass by, like the vibes

Platform coffee (Harry Potter vibes) - nothing special about buttercream soda & upstairs, but the order station deco is great

Sho floofeee Ipoh - rose gochujang pasta yum for sharing, creme brulee rating B?

Window shops nearby

Book xcess & Yasmin Ahmad - small but enjoyable, cool clash vintage vibes, books in old bank vaults

X jump at an old mall - funn but sore toes

Miker pizza - yumm but long wait and almost no tables

The cowboy burgers - instead of dinner, this made it to brekkie, price is definitely cheap and worth it compare burger joints in KL (burgers RM12/13? Nice), recommend the crispy chicken burger

Easi desert - ahh such a feast to the eyes, I like this

Tasik Cermin - went to Tasik Cermin 2, the ride was more adventorous and hidden, at Tasik Cermin 1 a nice explore around the straight cave and standing photoshoot at the edge - Do come early!

New hollywood - the pan mee?! I always come back for this (note Idk where else muslim friendly/halal pan mee). Fast service. 

Rough expenses:

Hotel: RM70

Ets: RM91

Grab: RM11

Food: RM90

Tickets: RM42

Shop: RM40

Total: Around RM350 which is reasonable for a semi-budget trip

And here's to another new week,

TGiaH

Merdeka ke-68 & car shopping (well..)

I still kinda processing that yesterday is Malaysia's 68 Independence Day and not just a regular holiday. Alhamdulillah, in some sense I am content with this country, in others I always pray for betterment, a more positive nation. I guess I can't stay idle at home cause in the end:

-  foster family wedding (Sat)

- car showroom for ibu (Sun, Mon)

- tellling the whole truth about the dreadful (just an hour ago)

I saw I do have highs for car shopping, but I'm grateful for my realistic, grateful side. The car I already have is already more than I could ask for. Even abah approves. Also, although kinda surprise but I hope Allah protects us is my mom's car insurance. Oh dear. Meanwhile, I feel better than an hour ago. I did wish it did not come to this, but for protection for my future, it's better I tell my parents the entirety. 

Though I want to laze around, I do have ds class tonight and a busy week ahead. Yikes. May Allah ease.

Note also: I did finish off my spa session on my day off on Tuesday. Something I'm not gonna do anytime soon. Oh I did settled my uncle's meds that day too. So yeah, there goes my day off. Anyhow, still Alhamdulillah. I also realise more that day that sometimes I just wanna eat at home and not eat outside food. Teringin betul kari hari tu.

Salam mondays,

TGiaH

Dashcam & diarrhea

 Yeah, basically the title is my story for the week. The on off stomach churning pain since Tuesday morning until yeah Sunday morning (the time I'm writing this). The thing I remember the night is eating family mart oden. It's still recovering.. Because every time I eat eating it's a small or moderate punch. The worse is Friday evening. I thought I got all better since Thursday afternoon (this girl fasted), but Friday midday prove me wrong and the car drive home even wrong. By the time I park my car at the library to pick up my sister the sudden ultra volcanic pain come and it's definitely the mega red warning light. I go to nearest public restroom and now what? As I fondle the door knob only to find it close on Friday. Out of all days. And there, there was no point of saving. The shame. Just good things, it didn't got anywhere else, we were 10 minutes from home and my sister can drive. So yeah I crouch on the car's mat fitting me snugly. I was saved in some sort. The night was another battle. 

The funny but good thing is during Tuesday my way to dashcam installation centre (good experience, note: 70mai dashcam A200 entry level, not sharp so need to be really close for the number plate to show) and my walk in IOI, my stomach was entirely fine. And yeah, I enjoyed my short solo date not so date. I guess I like the short walk in the mall if it means getting 1 food I would like to indulge at the moment (Boost) and getting the budget friendly option ones from Aeon (popcorn). I did walk by Timephoria popup booth swatching lip stain code Nerose (#6) & Quanta (#7) on the back of my hand. I did swatch all but these two are MLBB. Nerose was more pinkish and seemingly natural while Quanta seem to have slight purplish deeper undertone. I didn't purchase at the popup of course because I know I can get it cheaper on shopee (RM34 vs RM23). I just need to sure about the shade. And happens my Peripera lip tint is finish (like what 2 months only??), so on Friday it's ordered. Considered purchase both shades as it's cheaper but ended up up on Nerose. I've been wearing it for an hour now, though it's still early I have to say I like watery texture instead of the glossy one (I prefer less gloss), and I would like it more deeper and natural colour. 

Also, I find I less beat myself up this week. At least since Friday. It's okay to prioritise rest.

Andd. I think that's good enough for this week. I've got to go. Working locum.

Mall walk but no diarrhea please,

TGiaH

3rd tasmik + cousin's wedding + birthday (and pizzaa).

This week I saw I'm slowly transitioning to have interest in looking my phone. Is it good or a bad thing? I don't quite know. It seems for small breaks between big work block are fine but I find if weekends a quick lay in bed while day dream is therapeutic. So quick dopamine fixes vs slow calms eh. I'm at locum so I'm writing in between customers' visit (note: Plan to fold clothes after my shift). Overall, this week I'm battling my subconscious mind mainly when I decided to cancel my thursday's off day. Something I will not do again. This week also pak Jang starting to live with us, I just hope he's healthy, safe and enjoy living with us. Old age.. Oh and also there's two addition to the girls trip. Haha. Hope everything goes well. Aamiin. Also to wonder what's life without sugar?

Alhamdulillah I passed my tasmik. This one is relative easy but I battled whether I wanted the 100 mark and that it is not important. The tasmik before this, it was not my concern. But yeah my achiever side kick in. Huhu. Ikhlas is to struggle for. Then the afternoon was my cousin's wedding. 32. Nice. But due to this 2 events, I forgot my youngest sibling's birthday. Anyhow, me & S, get takeaways for korean chicken and pizzas. Do you know how grateful I am to have local home company pizza that are not boycott? Alhamdulillah. And Alhamdulillah, my family quite like the pizza even though it's no longer hot. Also to remember I jokingly read ruqyah when my mother farted. So much for wanting to have a daughter who can 'darussyifa'. It was a grand laughter between all, including mom. Haha. 

Today was kinda failure in my ibadah but I was productive with helping the kitchen so good. It's okay. It's okay. Tomorrow's a better day. Still.. I am kinda of a hypocrite (as I find chill in lagho things - music in locum, and after finishing tasmik pulak tu), right? Huu. 

Yeay to pizza (I kinda want one now),

TGiaH

What would a rest day without screen time looks like?

That's my question for this weekend. It's only Saturday but this weekend is a free weekend for me, my only agenda is locum this afternoon. So I asked chatgpt and here what it says;

A rest day without screen time can be surprisingly refreshing, especially if you're usually plugged in. Here’s what it can look like:

A rest day without screen time can be surprisingly refreshing, especially if you're usually plugged in. Here’s what it can look like:

🌿 Morning

Wake up naturally (no phone alarm if possible).

Stretch or do light yoga to ease into the day.

Enjoy a slow breakfast — maybe outside or near a window, just watching the world go by.

Read a physical book or journal, or write down thoughts/goals/dreams.

🚶‍♀️ Midday

Take a walk — in nature if possible, or just around your neighborhood. Bring no devices or keep them on airplane mode.

Cook a simple meal from scratch, trying a new recipe or just enjoying the process.

Listen to music on a speaker or radio (without scrolling or checking messages).

Declutter or clean a space — mindfully, without multitasking.

🎨 Afternoon

Do something creative: drawing, painting, knitting, gardening, baking, etc.

Call a friend or family member using a landline or a quick in-person visit (if doable).

Take a nap or rest in silence — notice your thoughts and breathe.

🌅 Evening

Watch the sunset or spend time on a porch, balcony, or just sitting outside.

Play a board game, journal, or read more.

Prepare a cozy dinner, maybe by candlelight.

Take a bath or shower as a wind-down ritual.

💤 Before Bed

Reflect on the day: What did you notice without screens?

Write a few lines in a journal.

Go to bed early without the glow of screens.

Bonus Ideas

Visit a museum or library.

Attend a local event or market.

Practice meditation or mindfulness.

Even just one day like this can reset your nervous system and help you reconnect with what matters. Want a sample schedule or printable version?

It sounds nice. But also like nothing much. Perhaps that what I need to work on, resetting or at least reshifting my weekend norm to this. Basically it means the same but slow routine and includes house chores (house resetting). I tried today, although I don't totally not use my phone, I become more mindful of it. Oh like this is why I use my phone in this moment. 

My Maybank treat points is not there, so I am a bit bummed right now. But the overall update for this week, I truly enjoyed going to the pain course. It's a semi-break slash refresh yet so productive as I'm learning. So so grateful for the opportunity. Alhamdulillah. 

A darken left eyelid, Huhu.

TGiaH