A serabut mind + a pounding heart

I just need to write. Really need to write. I wish I had my journal with me (crying internally). Until this Friday, my anxiety is gonna bother me. Ahh. First of all, I have this mock up proposal presentation tonight (then the actual presentation this Friday). Ahhh. I dread research until the freaking worm's hole. Then, RMTAC is pressuring me for the presentation. Kukuku. Seriously, I just don't want that now. 

To add to all that, I got fined for parking. What the freaking hell? Hello. It's not my fault I had to parked there. Andd it's not never was like that. My first parking fine in history. Huhu. I had to learn to do an appeal and hey how to freaking pay for this. I tried and it fail. Like what? Why? I hoped the appeal works. My precious RM 50. And pleaseee come up with a better system to pay if you're gonna fine someone. Duh. Maybe the hikmah is I learn to do this thing and I also remember my last month for rent in Putrajaya.

Feeling a bit better, 

TGiaH

I thought it was kambing but turns out to be ayam mendhi.

I left my last post hanging. Kyaa. And guess who two big fat days to rest? Me. (Sunday + Thaipusam.) Was supposed to met with a friend here and there but my schedule shifted. I met with F Monday evening after work sooo I cleared up my Tuesdayy. Now it's Sunday night and I can't wait for the holidays again. Boohoo. 

You know what? F is getting marriedd. My lil high school babe has all growned up. Andd I'm gonna help a bit here and there which I'm so happyy she asked me for help. Hehe. Also, I'm one of the first few friends she told so of course I terharu. 

So fast forward Friday night. Had an ustaz came to treat to make my jodoh smoother, I guess. I didn't know it was a thing. But as long as no simpang2, all is good. My family got treated too so Alhamdulillah. I did cry a bit that night cause I feel I troubled my parents because of this. They so so badly want me to get married that now by Sunday I feel pressured. Like yesterday with the meet up (sure funny about the qr thingy). I just wanna chillax on this journey but still put in a bit of effort, is that okay? I'm not rushed but okay in the end of the day, at least I neither too eager on the idea nor reject the idea.

We had a kenduri with fam at Sepang. It certainly felt good meeting the fam. Good stories. Andd I felt more confident with my outfit for the weekend. I had to release few emotions the evening.

I also catch up on a few of my friends online. That was good, did my logbook a bit and that's pretty much wrap my weekend. 

Work is good btw.

TGiaH

My first Starbucks

I'm a work, K3 and I planned to blog but I forgot. So now few minutes until my lunch break, I'm writing this. Kakaka. Woops. Had to dispense some meds. I don't think I can write this, maybe tomorrow. Huhuhu.

Basically last week had discussion on research, so the weekend we need to finish update it. Ahh. I freaking hate this research. So 

A new 2022

My room's a mess (my work all over my bed and a pile of laundry I just pickup, though I must say I swept the floor already this morning), but I have to write this due post before it gets more due.

A new year already though it doesn't feel like it for me. I don't remember is my theme & goals last year though I did achieve some unwritten ones I must say like having my car, manage to setup my emergency fudd, passed hospital, join a lot of classes. Maybe last year theme was growth.

So... I need to setup a new theme & goal. I guess this year would be "Confidence" something I noted during my counseling session. I feel like I'm less which I'm not. So I have to do a lot of self-love activities. Journal, self-love affirmation, read. I would to goal on those. Another is to keep my space tidy so my head up here is also tidy. I realise I'm a bit lost of my life but it's okay. It's okay. Another thing I would like to is a lot of  deep breaths and using the tasbih digital. And... perhaps getting married this year? Maybe.

I also would like to fix my parent's kitchen with the rizq In Sha Allah. While financial, emergency to 2 digits perhaps, try going to stocks perhaps.

Oh damn, I've tried to list the goals but I realise it's much of a daily basis. Oh well. 

Let's go,

TGiaH

2021 Recap

I forgot to do a summary end of last year. So here at 8th January 2022, I'm writing this.

January: Started my financial journey + KKDI.

February: Being a relief teacher for special needs kids.

March: Got my driving license!

April: Start of PRP + living out.

May: Bought my car!

June: Ending my chat addiction (laughing emoji) + attach at PKD

July: Scaling my teeth for the year with blood.

August: Start of hospital attachment.

September: Having actual friends I'm happy with.

October: Clinical so busyy.

November: Putting on a brave face for merisik.

December: Going to Penang with online friends.

                                                                                         

1. Name three words that best describe my 2021.       

Moving, changing, adulting.

2. Biggest lesson you've learned this year.
I found out I'm someone who easily forgot + don't dump within a short time frame.

3. Biggest change I did this year.
Becoming a person who actually spends on myself.

4. Best decision I made this year.

Choosing family.

5. Best single achievement I made this year.
Getting my own car + no debts!

6. Who helped you get through 2021.
Myself.

7. Which worry was unnecessary this year?

Not having a PRP friend.

8. How did you grow emotionally this year?
More emotionless which is weird.

9. Happiest moment of 2021.
When I'm with my friends who want to be friends with me (S, E, K & F).

10. Saddest moment of 2021.

Detachment is sad.

I don't really remember 9 & 10 as there are not happiest or saddest moment rather there are many happy & sad moment.

To sum up my 2021, I did a great job. Alhamdulillah.

A trip to Kuantan & closure to 2021

Looks who forgot to blog again? Me again. The weekends was full with a trip to Kuantan. The one thing is that I really enjoy the trip with my family and another. A rare experience but fulfilling. It was another obstacle I faced and succeed. I felt myself around the people  I love. Going to beach, having masak lemak ikan patin, pengat durian, cooking with another mom, playing cats, I enjoyed it. A weekend out of work.

We also rush to Selangor the next day and went to clean at my aunt's post-flood. So I was tired. Now, I'm reminded of the pile of clothes at my room, still unwashed. Yikes.

Should I write on 2021? I should. This year been like my mind wander off a lot, confusion. A lot of trying new things, a lot with KKDI, and a lot of straying away. I'm a lot in my comfort zone. A lot of good memories with HPJ friends and family. Living on my own, recomfirming I'm lazy. A turn point to working life. Oh shoot, I didn't register for my tax and zakat. Oh adulting. 

Scary la blogging at S2,

TGiaH

Post Penang Trip Reflection

 Ahh. I actually past the mark to write thiss. Huhu. Going with strangers. Having ups & downs. Discomfort andd now feeling myself. Woops.