Self-discipline.

This month's theme I guess is to relearn myself and the past. As always there got to be something that needs to happen at the second half of the year that changes how I think of the year. 

So I learn I need more self-discipline and learning to put my lenience at the right place especially when talking to the opposite gender. I can't be too lenient with myself. Have control, focus on my purpose in this world. Being clear on my objectives. Choosing to do the right thing is hard. Owning up to it is hard. Accepting my thoughts are wrong is a process. Still, I'm proud of most choices I made. For the bad ones, owning yup it's my fault and I have to remember not to make the same mistake again.

Example yesterday, choosing to stay in bed and procrastinate thinking giving myself some time might be better which was wrong. I got up, got myself moving made me better and prevent myself from having a degrading moment at night for not being responsible. Choosing to tidy my room. tidy the kitchen, cook, practicing driving, finding a counselor, painting and now writing this down. 

Alhamdulillah, I was able to do all that.

Typing from my laptop at last,

TGiaH

The things I've learnt from (this incident).

 - You need a life partner. Face it S. No matter how much you want to live and stand alone, you need someone to lean on sometimes. Physically. Not just Allah spiritually. It's a gift for a flaw that Allah has created. 

- You are a immature blob S. Think first before you act. Discipline yourself. No matter how hard. 

- It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to cry. It's makes me think clearer & lifts a burden off me. Mistakes are there for me to learn. Learn to accept it. Forgive, learn & remember. Don't forget.

- Humans are complex beings. As how much I try to understand and see from the other person perspective. I'm not him/her and the person is not I either. Therefore, effort is still a must but prayers are as essential too.

- Allah always always help me & give me some sort of ease with every hardship either the obstacle is tiny or huge. It such a blessing to recognise it and being thankful. Alhamdulillah. 

Okay, gotta go. Already late.

Feeling better,

S

I'm trying.

I'm trying but it sometimes just sucks being me. I have to face every pain, sorrow, anxiety, fear while it's just a piece of cake for them. When will I grow up? Owning up my decisions.

I'm trying and I'm proud of trying my best. I'm doing my best at it. Don't let my guard down. Stay firm. I can do this. 

Night, 

little fighter.

Birth and death

 This is a post about yesterday. It was a great day Alhamdulillah. The morning we went on a jog & breakfast. I finished my driving studies and my mum cook all the food yesterday. Hehe. 

And today happens to be my friends birthday as well as her grandpa's ending. And another distant (i mac member) ending and the person also mentioned getting a newborn niece/nephew. 

Last week was also the same. A birthday and a death day. Three times already. Scary sometimes how Allah reminds of what our lives is and should be. Destined. A beginning. An end. A purpose.

Anyway, I have to nap a bit before work. Bye!

Endings are never certain,

TGiaH

I digged my own grave.

 1st October. Great. Such a way to start the month with my silly mistakes. How I wish I could rewind time and change the past. How I could I be so dumb & innocent. Astagfirullah. When will I ever grow up? Huhu. I don't know what my life would be like without Allah with all the silly mistakes I made.

Writing this in the MRT going on a trip with dear roommate.

Hoping one day I will grow up,

TGiaH

A 1 month challenge + profile pics.

 I've tried to challenge myself to not blog this month. Well, it made me more miserable + feeling pathetic. Anddd I miss writing so much. So here I am at the very end of the month, blogging.

I want to blog so much of what I've been doing this month despite not working. Because I have to help my mum in a moment I just cut it short. I've been:

- Going to the factory

- Submitting my driving application, received and went to a teory class.

- A lunch date with my old schoolmate.

- Went on a dinner team with FN.

- Visit KL Bird Park with strangers (now friends).

-Applied for some jobs (but ended up with an offer at the same place).

- Volunteer for a kids activity.

- Joined a 4 days programme + made friends with disability which is so refreshing.

-Challenging myself to talk in front of a crowd as a motivational speaker.

- Got my transcript and start applying for my posting.

- Took photos with me wearing blazer for the first time (and me in my white coat).

Andd... Overall feeling really good for myself that I put myself out there and the chance to meet new friends that make me smile.

For the profile pic, the next day after taking the photos with the white coat, I brave myself enough to put a picture of me, full face as my whatsapp pic. Funnily, a thing others find it easy but no so to me. 

Anyway, gotta go.

Feeling better,

TGiaH

First day off + getting my driving assessment

 Today's my first day off and to say I'm not sure if my body is too tired or something. I slept while waiting for isya' yesterday until tahajud time that is and I dozed off before asr today (and miss my asr prayer. Huhu. I paid back as soon as I wake up). My body is feeling unusual tired or precisely more like berbisa which is not quite like me. Also, I have headache pressing on forehead area and a runny nose. I don't think I overwork myself that much. Okay, maybe a little in comparison to me studying and staying home with spending time at an 8 hour job. I'm a little worried it's something else but I hope not. 

So far work is fine. I did a pretty good job and confident which I'm proud. I do recognise I need to restudy a few parts which I forgotten but most of it is fine. I mainly dust the shelves this week and clean and stuff. I haven't yet updated anything at the poison books which I'll be doing tomorrow.

One thing I noticed this week is the close contacts with non-mahram. Sometimes when passing out the balance your fingertips touch and some when trying to help others with their work. Strangely but also kinda worringly I didn't react as always where I usually wipe off my hands. I did practice avoiding touching by putting the balance at the desk instead which kinda works. 

My male batchmates also came to the pharmacy, said hi and of course the normal teasing/jokes. I reacted rather friendly with a smile (if not if would've been so awakward). They did took a story and we had a picture together. These situations makes me wonder how much I changed and is this acceptable or not.

*I just wrote and it didn't saved. Huhu.*

For today's agenda, I had my medical driving assessment with my cousin who is a physician. The assessments were all good except my tense left side as usual. Next appointment is the occupational therapist.  I have a feeling everything's gonna be so smooth In Sha Allah.

I haven't had time to write on my end of degree journey. Time is so so little.

'Berbisa',

TGiaH