2020 Goals.

A little life update. So somehow I got a short job for 2 weeks (now I'm in my semester break) which I so so grateful because I could save more money and tbh I was a little bored staying at home. Although I was productive during 1st week of my break with going to my lil siblings school, driving lessons, baking, having a friend coming over (whose getting married soon In Sha Allah), organising the kitchen. See! I'm very productive. Lol. I guess this comes when you don't have drama-movie marathon/bingeing as your hobby.

I'm writing on the table in my room (funny story it used to be the dining table for the kitchen before my mom decided to move it to my room whicccch I protested so much, never really used it because it used to have so much stuff, now cleared since I organised last summer holiday) which feels a little weird. However, woahh. I'm surprised already I typed out this much. I was planning to wrote some other stuffs but now I'm changing my mind to write this first.

Basically my 2020 resolutions, goals are the same as last with a few little tweaks. However, my main focus is financial side. I learned much from family financial situation, the mistake my father made in financial terms and me graduating soon. I need need really need to step my financial game. And Alhamdulillah, nowadays it's so easy just Google up and tons of articles are already there. Interestingly, I used to read financial books when I was in primary school probably still 9 which is young. 

Throughout my school period I my mind set, save up for uni, it's okay to starve a little now you can have a comfortable life in uni and life will sort out itself after uni. Haha. That's not the case though. I still have to save a lot which I think Alhamdulillah because of the habit I have I don't spend much (except of my once business). Still, it's a learning process and it's okay to make mistakes. So yeah.

Regarding my family debts, it's worrisome. Yeah, sometimes you don't know that someday you might lose your house (It's scarrry). Havng people pressing you constantly for money. Living in debts is something I hoped I don't have to go through. In fact sometimes, I think living here in this room for next 10 years still it's wonderful. I still have a small space to setup a mini kitchen if I want to. Lol. This room is really is spacious which Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah I'm grateful for.

Anyhow, I should stop here and start writing my next post. (Also, I need to go to sleep soon because I'll be working tomorrow.) Bye!

Please make best prayers for family & I. Thank you.

TGiaH

Listening to podcast, feeling weird.

Just a few minutes ago, I was listening to a podcast (Suefficient Answers - Mikaeel Smith from Qalam), because I don't wanna be hearing my roommates discussing their answers for PT. Haha.
The end part had a little Q&A. I was listening to it and it felt familiar? Which is weird because I can't recall being in a similar situation attending a talk in English with a private Q&A. Or was it because the jokes are so deja vu. I don't know. Maybe a missing memory but I don't think that's it either.

Anyhow, that's all. Lol.

Just some thoughts,

TGiaH

Tears..

Assalamualaikum, new year. Hope we'll be good friends okay?

I did have some ideas to blog but I ended up postponing it. Well... It's exam season. I'm doing fairly good I think. Same routine what so ever. I haven't properly plan my new year resolution but I'll try to do it in my next post.

A week ago (or a few more days before that). I watched a video on Youtube before I went to sleep (mind you, all covered in blanket and all). It was a video on meeting Allah in Jannah. How the angels will call you, the meeting and all. I. Me. Ball my eyes out. Literally. I'm really thankful that I have Allah, my constant, throughout all my life he's always there and the thought that perhaps perhaps one day I can meet with my Creator. I can't imagine how great it must be.

But I know I don't deserve it. I know it's too much to ask. I felt sad thinking about with my all faults and sins will I ever get to meet him one day. I made doa in my bed crying hoping I'll sleep. Then I thought I should get up, I have so many faults I have to get up and at least pray. My lazy side said go to sleep but my heart was telling how much a hypocrite I am for crying upon the thought of meeting my Rabb but now I'm too lazy to pray solat to ask forgiveness from Allah to forgive all my sins?

So I got up and prayed. Obviously I cried more. But at least I said to myself trying is better than nothing, right.

Thank you Allah,

TGiaH

2019 in a nutshell.

It's 11.26 pm 31st December 2019 right now and I'm not in the best state but let's give this a shot, okay?

1. Name three words that best describe my 2019.
Self-development, self-healing and self-love.

2. Biggest lesson you've learned this year.
Taking care of my own self is not selfish because me myself have a right as well.

3. Biggest change I did this year.
Focusing on lots and lots of self development. Changing my routine to be exact. I didn't thought I would be exercising. Lol. Vlogging as well.

4. Best decision I made this year.
Letting go and setting boundaries on things that are not worth it.

5. Best single achievement I made this year.
Saying no to become one of the candidates of national student awards simply because I don't want to do this anymore.

6. Who helped you get through 2019.
Allah, myself, my family. Honestly Allah grant me so much strength that not anyone has.

7. Which worry was unnecessary this year?
How I am gonna help my family financial situation. But I guess it's necessary even though there's nothing much I can help. Hope it gets better. Aamiin.

8. How did you grow emotionally this year?
I'm doing better this year. I cry but lesser & I don't feel depressed as much.

9. Happiest moment of 2019.
Having my family coming for a surprise visit. It was the best.

10. Saddest moment of 2019.
I have a ton of sad 'moments' I had to dealt with but I don't think there is a top most sad thing.

Wow. That was short. Guess I don't really have much to say.

I'm proud of you 2019,

TGiaH

23 Things For 23 Me.

So I turned 23 yesterday! It's weird because I kinda feel I skip a year of my 22 because I feel I'm 23 like most time of the year because my mindset is I'll graduate at 24. So yeah. I think it's gonna be a little tricky because I didn't do much. But let's give this a try, okay?

23 Things I Love On My 23rd Birthday

1. Sleeping like a lot (but I slept a bit late the night before).
2. Missing tahajud and feeling upset about it (I redeem myself today).
3. Having no birthday plans for the day.
4. [During morning recitation] Stumbling across An-Nur 24:26 about good partners in a couple, which motivates me.
5. Folding my clothes first thing in the morning!
6. Treating myself breakfast to leftovers of burger baek I saved for myself last night. Yummy!
7. Watching a lot of Youtube videos (like an hour) and falling back to sleep.
8. Having my parents as the first ones to wish me happy birthday.
9. Realising I spent my birthday for my first year & last year in IIUMK, while the other two at home.
10. Getting a call from my youngest brother wishing me happy birthday the morning and my younger sister at night (she didn't have data that's why).
11. My little brother H asked me what I want for my birthday, which is the sweetest. I replied spending time with him.
12. Getting an unexpected long wishes from my friend from Thailand & Egypt.
13. My ex-teammate I was working, wish me on FB which I realised I forgot all about him.
14. Having kak S wishing me when I know she's so busy!!
15. Feeling so proud because I actually studied today (like 4 chapters of Quality Assurance subject). What a way to celebrate my birthday.
16. Secretly wanting a piece of birthday cake, but realised it's too expensive to go out and buy one.
17. No physical gifts (like monetary) this year! Only non-physical ones.
18. [During night recitation] Looking into a verse (An-Nur 24:31), I nearly forgot I once memorised about aurah.
19. Decided treat myself to a movie night (as a birthday celebration) and realising I don't know what to watched (In the end, I watched Ella Enchanted).
20. Having 2 packs of Maggi for my movie birthday celebration.
21. Found that I reached my weight target of around 48kg (before I ate the 2 packs of noodles!).
22. Realising how much sodium is in the noodles which can cause hypernatremia and subsequently fluid retention (that's why I weighed more. Haha.)
23. Humming to an unexisting rhyme while I brush my teeth at night (it was 11ish, so that still counts in the day).

This is probably the lousiest list I did among the 3 years. Just a list of what I did yesterday, but that's certainly an experience still.

Happy 23rd birthday to me!

TGiaH

P/S: Something really made me tossing and turning (and super saddd) after 12 last night, I realised that not all people like seeing me & my family being happy. Eventhough I rarely post on social media, it only takes one post for people to inflict hate. I wished things like this never happens, but again that's life and I can only do my best.

The surprise that made me cry.

Btw, it's less than 1 hour before my 23rd birthday! Hehe. Birthday post tomorrow!

Long story short, my family surprise me by coming down to Kuantan. I literally cried, you guys. It's the best gift ever. I know my father is not financially strong now plus his health too (it's worrying). The fact the he came despite that made burst into tears. Obviously, he would try his best to spoilt me with a birthday surprise (he insisted a few time to go out and celebrate). However, things were in my favour Alhamdulillah. Get to drive to the nearest super market, grab some ice cream & back to dinner at our cafe. So Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah, the cheapest option that I can offer. I'm happier this way! I'm very grateful Allah granted me my dua on this. I had such a fun time, just spending time with my family.

I made a video already about the title and I liked the results very much. Not bad for a first timer. I really badly want to post it here. But for privacy sake, I can't. Also, I did my own 2020 vision board + finish my readings! The last book I finished (I guess) for this year is about Sultan Muhammad Al-Fateh. Reading that, tbh at the end I felt really low standard (I don't know the right words, so bear with me). It's not like when I see someone nowadays, and feel ashamed when I compared myself with their knowledge, piosity, ibadah. But this is different, Sultan Muhammad Al-Fateh is way different league. Never leaving solat fardh, rawatib, tahajud. Ma Sha Allah. I also thought do I even value in the eyes of Allah. Like look at these people. The sahabah, tabi' tabi'in, the sufis. I probably at the worst of worst level still. Huu.

Still, nothing much else to say. Let's see what 23 things I can come up for tomorrow, alright?

May Allah make me a better person each day,

TGiaH

Last quiz, last class of our pharmacy journey..

It was our last quiz last night, with lots of buffering I would say. But the end results was Alhamdulillah good for me.

This morning was our very class. Funny & witty with Dr R. Boy, one day I'm gonna miss being in class.

Right now, I'm feeling really lazy and distracted. I'm suppose to study for our OSCE tomorrow. Hope make it easy. I switch my turn with Kak S because she book an early bus. Well, married person priorities hey. I hope her son get well soon. He keep getting sick like his mother.

Btw, my English turn really bad. Surprise2. Lol. And a short clip to prove it.

Most likely, will be reeditting this back tomorrow.

Back to study hey,

TGiaH